Am I a horrible person?

Question

My older brother is 10 mos. older than myself. We were very close growing up and I really looked up to and admired him.

In high school he had great grades, he was handsome, played sports and was very popular. I was very proud of him.

After school he went to college for a couple of years and was an honor student. Then he went into the Navy. In the Navy he suffered a mental break down and was diagnosed with schizophrenia.

Long story short, after his diagnosis I felt like the brother I knew and admired was dead. Someone else took his place who is strange and delusional. He is hard to be around. We have a big family, my parents live close to him and we are from a family of five kids.

Whenever he calls, I dodge his calls and I never visit him. Instead, he talks to each of my kids. Am I horrible for dodging him? Or, is this a normal reaction? Do I need counseling to learn how to cope with his illness?

Answer 1

No. Just no. Embrace that answer, and in a while, you will know why it is the correct answer/

Answer 2

I believe the fact that you're concerned about this proves you're far from a horrible person. And it's very natural to avoid the unknown or unusual. Afterall, we are only educated from the past since our brain is uncapable of learning forward. Thus, your reaction is very normal.

Amazingly, you and your brother are likely in similar mindsets, just different degrees. Both of you are confused, afraid, and concerned.

Schizophrenia is a psychotic disorder usually characterized by withdrawal from reality, illogical patterns of thinking, delusions, and hallucinations. It's usually a psychological and/or dopamine chemical imbalance.

I said that to simply imply that I am a firm beleiver your brother could recover from this one day. A diagnosis is an opinion in many instances. Many of these same symptoms occur during drug use. The day your brother starts "thinking" differently could very well be the day he starts recovering. If people are capable of "thinking" away Cancer then I certainly believe your borther's situation is possible.

There's a book entitled "You are what you think" by Dr David Stoop that makes very strong claims about the power our mind has over our physical and psychological being.

Education and/or counceling can reduce your fears. This would also enable you to become a mental support to your brother. I believe this gives you the greatest chance to get that bright, confident, loving brother back that you've been missing. And I bet he wants the same thing.

Synergy like that can be exremely powerful, coupled with prayers, detemination, and love.

James

Answer 3

No you are not a bad person because if you were you wouldn't be asking this question.
Your brother had a breakdown and now suffers from schizophrenia and I'm hoping that he is taking medication for it to help keep him from going deeper down.
Yes I do think you need to go in for counseling in order to learn how to cope with his mental illness. Mental illness is just that, something that is serious but treatable too.
By your dodging him like you say you are doing isn't doing him or yourself any good at all and in the long run you are the one who will suffer the most because you will blame yourself when he's gone for not being there for him as you were when you were going up.
He still remembers what it was like for the two of you when you were going up and now it must be pure hell for him to have you dodge him all of the time.
Please, for your sake as well as for his and for your children's sake try to be there for him. You are sending the wrong message to your children by avoiding your own brother because of mental illness and that is wrong no matter how you look at it.
I believe you still love your brother but are unable to face his illness so it's best for you to seek professional help now before you don't have a brother any longer and to show your children that mental illness is not to be feared but to understand it and to be there for those you love.
This would be the normal thing to do and once you have decided that his illness is something that he didn't do unpurpose then hopefully you will not hold it against him or yourself.
Whatever you decide to do take your time and not just dodge him any more, please, he's still the brother you grew up with but now has a burden to carry around with him for the rest of his life.
Best of luck.

Answer 4

What a truly difficult situation! I think it's very normal to feel the way you do. Mental illness is, in my opinion, the most difficult of illnesses for patients and families to deal with. When a family member has cancer, you are never ashamed or embarrassed to tell others about it. I am a RN and I will be honest, I find pt's with psych diagnoses very difficult and undesirable to deal with at times- but I realize the importance of giving these patients the best care I can. You absolutely should seek professional help with this. Your whole family should consider getting help- don't go it alone! You should learn as much as you can about the disease your brother has, and the best ways to deal with him. Good luck to you and your family- you sound like you are a good and loving brother. You will do the right thing.

Answer 5

I feel that you should be there for your brother instead of dodging him all the time,he needs you now more then ever!!! I think you do need counseling and to get information on his illness to help you understand what he is going through and to also help you deal with issues of your own about this!! He is still the same person he was when you guys were growing up together,but he has been through a lot and it is not his fault. You are not a horrible person,you are just scared and that is natural,but you need to be educated on his illness in order to be there for him!!

Answer 6

No you're not a horrible person; otherwise you wouldn't bother to ask if you were or not. You wouldn't care.

Definitely read up on his illness. Find out all you can about it so that you can understand it from the victim's perspective. Seek out support groups for families of those afflicted with schizophrenia. I'm glad that you are making an effort to better understand your reactions to your brother's illness, and to take steps toward rebuilding a relationship with him. Family is family. Do what you can to keep it together. Best wishes.

Answer 7

You're not a bad person, it's a natural reaction. But just because it's a natural reaction doesnt mean it's the best thing to do. You should try to-not ignore it-but...see past it. You don't NEED counseling, but if you feel that it would help you feel more comfortable when around him, then you could consider it. If you think that you can get beyond your feelings now, try your hardest to, then if thata doesnt work, counseling may help...But there isn't anything wrong about, again you dont need counseling.

Hope I helped

Answer 8

well blood it thicker than water, you should be there for him whenever he needs to talk or whatever. just because he has this mental illness doesnt make him not you brother, hes still your brother no matter what. You should really be there for him, i would say you are copin out on him and just tryin to make excuses for your self to not be around him. I come from a large family my self and i barely know my brothers and sisters because out parents passed away so were not close. i would love to be close to them, so look at it as a blessing you have a family that you are close to. He may not seem the same mentally but hes still the same deep down inside. How would you feel if you were in his shoes and he did that to you? seek some counsiling and tell him how you feel and what you miss. but remember to be there for him no matter what.

Answer 9

If you feel that you need couseling in order to deal, then by all means do it!

You're not a horrible person in the least, but you don't understand. Most people are afraid of the things they don't understand. In dodging your brother, you're giving up a precious relationship that really means something to you. He needs you right now. So, do what you have to do to learn to deal and be there for him.

If the roles were reversed, how would you feel?

good luck!

Answer 10

You have nothing to be ashamed of, nor should you feel guilty about your brother who picked up a gun to defend this nation. A family torn apart and those responsible just simply walk away.

I am a retired Corrections Officer who worked the jails. I knew someone who was a point man for the First Infantry Division in Viet Nam. Joey gave the Viet Cong hell and protected his unit from many a surprise attack. When his tour of duty was over in Viet Nam, he was discharged. Medals and all.

Joey got himself into trouble in civilian life. We talked on the tiers of the jail. Joey was bitter and did not know how to fully express himself. An ex G.I. now a Corrections Officer and a con who once served in the First Infantry Division struck up an unusual friendship. Joey was Spanish and destitute. So, the system offered him an attorney because he couldn't afford one.

I haven't seen Joey in many years. Not since the judge handed him a sentence of three counts of 25 years to life, to run consecutively. On his last day before going to a state prison, we shook hands and said good-bye.

Joey offered me his Gold Star with cluster from his property envelope. I said no, I can't take it. There was a moment of silence between the two of us. Joey left the tier and went downstairs of the prison where a van was waiting to transport him, upstate.

I miss my friend.

Recently, I have formed a production company. A not for profit group for actors and actresses. I went to the Veterans Administration in Northport, N.Y., in an effort to put on a play and have all of the money raised, gross receipts, go toward helping to buy night goggles, body armor, etc., for the G.I.'S in Iraq. I was told no. I didn't fit into the tight schedule of the Veterans Administration.

When I began inquiries as to who was utilizing, building #5, the auditorium on the site of the V.A. I found out the political machinery of both the Republican and Democratic Party's had priority to raise funds for candidates seeking public office over anything I may have to offer any G.I. And, the program was being run by a supposed veteran, who just happens to be politically connected.

The politicians had priority...What a joke.

Neither my U.S. Congressman, nor either one of the two U.S. Senators from N.Y. ever served in the Armed Forces of the United States and one is a Presidential hopeful.

On any given day of the week, I would stand toe to toe with your brother than share a cup of coffee with any one in public office. And, that includes George Bush,

Answer 11

You may suffer a little guilt for avoiding him, but being schizophrenic, he is bound to be paranoid anyway. Feeling avoided might make that harder for him. You can't make your heart love a person if you don't, so in the end it's up to you. But if you do love him, then for his sake, try to at least talk to him some, if only for a few minutes before thinking of an excuse to get off the phone.