What should I do or say?

Question

I really feel used. My child's mom has been living with me but at the same time she been seeing another man and has been trying to get pregnant by this man. The thing is I love her dearly, and knowing that she wants to leave me I still treat her her with kindness. I want to treat her like s**t but my heart won't allow me to. She smiles in my face like everything is cool and what she is doing isn't wrong. I can't just up and put her out cause then it's like i'm putting my child out too. I still do whatever I can for her and I can't charge her for rent cause I wouldn't feel right charging her. I have bent over *** backwards for this girl many of times but yet she still do me wrong. She should a least wait till she leaves to do the things she's doing. If she wants to get pregnant so bad by this other man who lives out of town why don't she wait till she gets the hell there to do so instead of coming home. What I'm I to do. I'm constantly upset, stressed and angry. Help please!!!!

Answer 1

You should be angry and you should start showing it. What are you afraid of? It sounds as if she has no respect for you. Tell her that you will not tolerate this kind of treatment. She is taking advantage of your good nature and your love for her. You don't need to be mean, but stand up for yourself. You'll feel so much better getting your self-respect back . I have a question for you: What is it about this woman that you love? It doesn't sound as if she has many redeeming qualities. Could it just be lust? fear of being alone? habit? Only you know the answer to this.

Answer 2

it sounds like you want to set some boundaries around this woman, but you don't want to (cause of your child) and yet you do, but don't know how. it seems that you are ready to respect yourself once again by wanting to do something about it.

yes you really need to put some boundaries down or else you will continue to feel pain and anger from her actions. she needs to leave your home. it's not enough to say to her 'you have to stop seeing him and having sex with him while you are living here', because you can't control her. and she won't do it for you anyway, by the mere fact that she doesn't respect you, because she's done what she's been doing in front of your face and you haven't done anything about it. you can still provide for your child, just not in the way you want to. after all this said, i have a sneaking suspicion that you still want to be with her anyway, regardless of the child.

Answer 3

One. It's OK to feel taken advantage of It's what is happening.
Two. You can not in good sense allow this condition to continue.

Why?

Because of the pain that is knowingly being inflicted upon you.

What you didn't put in the question is important. Were you married to the mom? You do have rights as a Father, and if you feel that she is not taking care of the child, you can push and apply to be the primary care giver.

As for her and the other guy, put your foot down.
Draw a line and demand rent money for staying there.
Refuse to allow her to use you, even if it involves your kid. Demand the respect you are due.

If she refuses to follow your rules, and you are not married, then she's not your problem and she should take care of herself and your son.

If you don't stand up for yourself, then others will abuse you.

Answer 4

If you don't have one already, then you need to get a custody agreement in place in case she actually takes off with this other guy. For your own self-respect and to salvage whatever you have of a relationship, you need to tell her that this other relationship must stop immediately. You probably need relationship counseling but if she is not willing then you may need to do some personal counseling of your own. Don't let yourself continue to be used.