Me and my girlfriend have been in a relationship for about 5 1/2 months. This relationship is the first relationship i have ever had with a girl. Im ready to go public with this relationship and we have talked about it but she is very unwilling. I dont understand. Its driving me crazy that she doesnt want to come out with our relatioship. What does this mean? And what can I do?
2006-07-09 12:38:12 · 24 answers · asked by ForgeryOfRomance 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
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2006-07-09 12:40:42 · answer #1 · answered by tom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My very first relationship with a girl was also her relationship, and although I was entirely fine with who I was and who I wanted to be with, she wasn't At first this botherred me, but the truth was, it wasn't anything more than fear. Change is hard and when you have been loving a certain life for so long, changing or telling the world how you changed is difficult.
I mean look at some of the idiots who have answerred your question. That's a general idea of how other people are going to react when she comes out. Some people will accept it. Others will tell her she "just needs to find the right man" "doesn;t she ever want to get married and have kids?" etc etc. Some will make cruel jokes. Some will spout off religous text and judge her. Some will say very hateful things. Other female friends are just going to assume that she has wanted to sleep with them all along (because let's face it, if you like women, you MUST want to sleep with every single one that you see...lol). She may even lose some friends over it. Coming out is a very difficult thing to do, and it takes time. There's a lot of crap that can come with it. don't get me wrong, I'm glad I am out, but the process of doing it was not simple or fun. People judge.
There's not a lot you can actually do. You have two choices you can either end the relationship now. Or talk to her, support her. Try to understand her fear and apprehensions. Be patient. Show her that no matter what you will stand by her, eventually she will come out of the closet if she intends on staying with you.
My first impression was that that;s what her fear of coming out means. Not shame or guilt or anything else, tho some people do go through that. Just general fear of being judges by her family and friends. Don't read too much into it. Show her that you are by her side regardless of what anyone else says. Don't make rash judgements about her intentions, that;s prolly what she is fearing from everyone else. Show you are better than that.
2006-07-09 20:21:17 · answer #2 · answered by scorp 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you don't say why she 's unwilling. Is she scared? Is this her first relationship with a girl too? Has she had traumatic things happen to her in the past b/c she went public with a lesbian relationship?
Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do. You can be very supportive and talk her through her fears, but until she's ready to let the world know, you can't force her.
She needs to tell you why she is so unwilling to "come out". There's got to be a good reason. That reason is probably why she doesn't want to come out. And you might want to consider the fact that it has nothing to do with your relationship, but everything to do with herself.
Just be supportive and let her know how much you love her. And tell her that, eventually, you do want to be out. Even if that means that you are out, but not the relationship. She has to be willing to compromise with you, as well.
2006-07-09 20:03:42 · answer #3 · answered by Autumn BrighTree 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
coming out with a relationship for those who have family or friends that are not accepting can be detrimental to a person. Be patience, asked why and be there for her. she might need more time to prepare them for this great event. Let her be the first to suggest the coming out and then and only then can this relationship be what it was meant to be. On the other hand she might not want the same kind relationship you do. This calls for an in depth souled searching talk, and by means do not let any stone be unturned. It is of the utmost importance that everything about this relationship is out in the open.
2006-07-09 19:45:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is she out of the closet? Are you? If either of you are still hiding your sexuality, then I can see her concern. Also, she is probably worried about the two of you being the subject of a lot of discrimination. If she isn't ready, then maybe you should wait. Find out from her why she doesn't want to go public with your relationship, that might help you.
2006-07-09 20:19:52 · answer #5 · answered by Maggie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am thinking that she is simply not ready to make such a bold move. Talk about the both the positive and negative aspects of "coming out" and show her the solutions to both. I think that U should not force her and let it be her decision to make that move or it will have disastrous effects on your relationship..Good luck 2 the 2 of U.
2006-07-22 20:07:50 · answer #6 · answered by quizzed 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's not ready, then don't force her. She may not have come out to her family/friends/work yet, or she might be afraid of being judged by others. It doesn't mean that she doesn't love you (sorry about the double negative), just that she's not ready to go public yet. You should respect her wishes.
2006-07-23 17:31:32 · answer #7 · answered by Rat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is probably afraid her GFs won't think you are right for her. I know it sounds stupid, but sometimes a girl's GF's opinions are almost more important to her than the guy, and what they think is really important to her. She ;probably likes you, and is afraid that if her GFs think you're a dork that she will have to give you up. Just guessing, and I could be wrong, but I have seen this happen many times. Good luck.
PS: My answer assumes YOU are a GUY, and not a girl. If you are a girl, then my answer isn't helpful, and - in that case - I'm sorry I couldn't help..
2006-07-09 19:46:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Baby look your girl is not really ready herself. she does not want anyone to know because she is not ready to tell the world or her friends co-workers or anybody but you that she is sleeping with a girl. go to another girl and see what she does or just out of the blue while you and her are out ask her to go to a gay club.
2006-07-09 20:43:40 · answer #9 · answered by jasmine1014u 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i just came out about a year ago, to my family. I'm in my first same sex relationship. you have to realize that not everybody wants to go public. you have to think about her family, and how they might not want anything to do with her. give her more time to deal. then figure out what kind of person you want to be with.
2006-07-09 20:51:48 · answer #10 · answered by bloodletvamp 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It probably means she is not ready as you are and perhaps she isn't as serious as you are about the relationship yet. She needs more time.
2006-07-23 16:22:40 · answer #11 · answered by VelvetRose 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋