Everything used to be amazing and we were amazed by each other but somehow that faded and things got, well, boring. Basically the newness has worn off and I try really hard to keep things new and stay sweet to her but it's hard to do. Does this happen in most relationships?
2006-07-09 12:18:53 · 17 answers · asked by confuscious 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
like you did on the beginning
2006-07-09 12:20:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that what you are experiencing happens in all relationships after the initial newness and excitement wear off. This may not be all bad, however, because it means you becoming comfortable and content with each other. Even so, to gain back some of that spark, I would suggest two things: try something new and try sometihng old. First, try something together that either one or both have wanted to , but just havent dared to. It could be anything, from visiting a new place, to a new sex toy, skydiving, as long as its exciting, and you experience it together. OR you could take the old route, and rekindle the flame by going to an old favorite place, or back to a moment in time when you were crazy about eachother. You could do this with pictures, a favorite movie, a trip to an old fave hangout, "your song" , whatever does it for you two. Hope this helps. Good luck!!
2006-07-09 19:33:00 · answer #2 · answered by wildcat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This happens to all relationships that endure past the "honeymoon" initial phases. During that exciting period, you're really just getting know the other person for the first time. Everything's new, and infatuation / initial attraction / lust / exploration aspects are so new, everything is a revelation and a wonder.
It is completely unrealistic, however, to expect that this will be the primary flavor (if you will) that sets the tone for your entire relationship, "til death do you part" (don't mean to be using all the wedding / marriage analogies, but my wife and I are going on 20 years).
Human relationships just don't work that way - none of them do. The challenge is in adjusting your expectations and building upon that initial mutual attraction and wonderous zeal for each other to be founded upon a mutual, volitional commitment to sacrifice for one another - no matter what you "feel" about it.
That is really the essence of loving another person - not what butterflies and heart flutters you get - but what you are willing to lay down for the benefit of the person you've committed to. Human emotions are capricious - they change for no reason, they vacillate from obssesive infatuation to uncertainty to ennui to annoyance to frustration and back again.
But what is enduring is the choice to commit, the choice to look to the needs of another before one's own. That is what long term relationships (ANY long term relationship) is really founded on.
Yes, you can fight to be creative and innovative and breathe new life into seemingly mundane daily life...and that's a good thing. But if the health of your relationship is in large part built upon your ability to keep things new and fresh - well, you see where I'm going.
Best of luck to you, hope this helps some.
2006-07-09 19:28:44 · answer #3 · answered by Timothy W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relationships go through stages, and after some time, the butterflies in the tummy give place to a more subdued kind of love, where you are not in need of thrills anymore, but affection and companionship.
We all change as time goes by, but if you can still feel there is no way on Earth that you can live without her, you are headed in the right direction.
Try going away for a weekend just the 2 of you and see how it feels when you come back...sometimes you just need time alone.
2006-07-09 19:24:59 · answer #4 · answered by ashley j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This happens with all relationships after a while. Once a day, write down - or think of 5-10 good things about your wife. Instead of thinking negitive things; try to focus on positive.
Marriage is like a rollar coaster... No one ever said it would be easy.
I would say to you, to try to do a couple of really nice things for your wife. Surprise her, do you ever just go up and hug her for no reason?
Put little notes around the house where she can find them.
Your relationship cannot stay "new" - but, one of the joys of being married is knowing that even when it gets tough; you guys will be together.
I love the thought of growing old with my husband. About the 3-5 yrs of marriage, it was REALLY hard for me sometimes... but, we are going on year 10 and this year has been the best ever! :)
2006-07-09 19:27:11 · answer #5 · answered by Patti 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you can't.
In the beginning of a relationship, you have something called NRE (new relationship energy). It is exciting getting to know someone new. But keep in mind that at this point in the relationship, everything is tenuous, unformed, unknown, and unstable.
Now that you have been together awhile, things are stable, known, and solid. But, that curiosity and edventure is gone.
What you CAN do is work on getting to know one another again, finding common interests and forming new common interests and exploring them together.
This will not give you that extraodinary energy of that first kiss and dating, but it can be stronger and longer lasting.
Many people do things to "spice" up their relationship. Sitting down and talking about things that you both would like to explore can give that sense of newness and adventure back again. The world is big, and there is so much to explore.
I know you can do it!
2006-07-09 19:27:22 · answer #6 · answered by Atom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go on an exotic vacation together and plan some exciting activities like feeding the sharks, a cruise, scuba diving, dances, seeing the circus and strippers, anything interesting. You need time to be alone away from the usual environment. Plan some nights alone with different themes like Cinderella night, Victorian night, Hawaiian night, Thai night, with accompanying food and costumes?
2006-07-09 19:21:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your relationship was ever perfect then you were seeing it through rose colored glasses. People in relationships are human and that makes them imperfect. Relationships can get boring but if you are comitted to a person then you work through things. It's the difference between real love and infatuation. Don't be selfish, give her the chance to find someone who really loves her. Do her and yourself a favor, let go.
2006-07-09 19:24:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
everything gets old after a while but if you try to keep things new....do soemthing together you have never done before. spend a day apart where she goes with her friends and you go with yours. take her on dates like you did in the beginning.
2006-07-09 19:22:41 · answer #9 · answered by cutelea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes it does. Both people though have to work on creating some new excitement. Stress and work sometimes make that very difficult. Vacations help, or schedule routine time away.
2006-07-09 19:21:49 · answer #10 · answered by jolees56 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would try to 'take her back in time'-by this i mean like when you first were intimate[or where] or reliving a first date.surprise your partner! by the way this is somewhat normal and common. try and keep trying to the best of your ability.it sounds like you really love her! good luck!
2006-07-09 19:25:26 · answer #11 · answered by willoroy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋