The father has been verbally and physically abusive during my pregnancy and has threatened to take the child away from me after it is born at least 10 times. I also have a restraining order for 5 years. I don't feel comfortable with him having joint custody for fear i'd be giving him too much freedom and opportunity to take my unborn child away from me after birth. Please help!!! what can i do?
2006-07-09 11:43:50 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
There are no easy answers here.
If you have joint custody through the court, then you are obligated to keep the baby where he can spend time with the baby.
If a court has never been involved, save your money, get a job in another state and move there and leave no forwarding address or path. Since you have not delivered yet, I am pretty sure that the court has not been involved in regards to the baby (just the restraining order).
After the baby is born, if he were to bring it to court, in a mornal situation, with normal people involved (that is, not an abusive man) almost every state would give custody to the mother, and not the father. For him to win custody, he would have to show evidence that you are not capable of being an average mother. That is, no income, or a drug user, or invovled in criminal activity, or thad done something that brought the child in danger of being harmed.
You need help in your situation, and there are organizations set up to help.
In Minnesota, there is the Minnesota Center Against Violence and Abuse. (They can point you to an organization in your state)
Also, the "Violence against Women Online Resource" can help.
Don't wait until the problem is too big for you to handle. Make your plans and do something now, before the baby is born.
2006-07-09 11:56:19 · answer #1 · answered by Atom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the father's name is not on the birth certificate, he'd have to file for paternity and do the DNA testing. Chances are he's not going to do 90% of what he's threatening anyway... he's just lipping off on you.
No Juvenile and Domestic Relations judge is going to give joint custody of a little baby to a man who's got a restraining order against him by the mother if he abused her while she was pregnant. If it's an Order of Protection (and make SURE it is) then you can have it written so that it includes the baby. Actually... it generally works on anyone who lives in your home with you and the baby certainly would.
If you have a "no contact" Order of Protection (which is what you should have if he's been verbally and physically abusive... you're pregnant!) then he shouldn't be able to contact you at all... not even a phone call... without being arrested.
My ex kept yapping that he was going to take my children away, have me proven to be unfit and all that rot. He wound up in jail for not paying child support. And yes, he still pays child support even though he has had all visitation removed for being a terd.
Good luck to you. I know the stress while you're pregnant is hideous, so drink lots of water and stay as calm as you can through all this so you don't throw yourself into preterm labor.
2006-07-09 11:54:59 · answer #2 · answered by thegirlwholovedbrains 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe one day when more men take responsibility for the women they get pregnant and leave, the courts will allow them some rights in the decision making, but as for now, no. I am pro-choice, as there are MANY instances in which abortion is the right choice. If birth control were cheaper and more readily available, many abortions could be avoided, but until then they are a necessary evil. Its great that you would want the baby, but how about instead of all your ranting, you just take all the precations to make suer you never get a woman pregnant until you are BOTH ready to raise that child? That is the way it should be. Call abortion murder, call it whatever you want.......but if they made it illegal, people would still be getting them unsafely in basements and empty warehouses by non-professionals, just as they did before they were legal. Lead by example, and perhaps other men you know will wise up.....
2016-03-26 22:57:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure you have custody which technically after birth you do since you are not with him just get a lawyer make it legal that you have custody show the cause that you have for the restraining order and no judge in his right mind will give him visitation let alone custody
2006-07-09 11:49:31 · answer #4 · answered by cowboylogic26282 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi,
in my family this has happened as well the same situation.
my cousin had exactly the same problem.
just avoid him even though you have a restraining order go any where to stay safe and try not to make any contact even though you don't.
all you can do is show everyone that your a good mother and doing the right thing because it's not him who can decide whats best for your child even if he is the father it's not his job to take children away from their mothers it's either the jodge or the social workers if they come to you.
as long as it's growing inside you it's your baby and your decision so do what you think is best.
it's your choice it's in your whom!
good luck!
peace!
2006-07-09 11:56:07 · answer #5 · answered by caramellokoalafootball 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like a very bad situation all around. Your best bet is to break all ties with this guy. Talk to a lawyer about your rights as the mother and your concern for this person's competency as a father. If you have family that you can stay with elsewhere, I would advice going there to get away from this guy. Be careful. Situations like that can be very caustic.
2006-07-09 11:50:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
as soon as the child is born file for complete 100% custody. get child support. the bastard should have to pay for what he helped to create. Take his *** to family court. if he comes near you press charges. write down and keep records of every incident . you dont have to worry there are regulations and lawyers for this.just keep good records and make sure he cant get you on anything, and the baby will be safe and sound with you, where the little angel belongs.
2006-07-09 11:50:44 · answer #7 · answered by rednecksurfer_roxy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds more like you have a full order of protection, not an ex-parte. Given the nature of your relationship and the fact that you DO have that order of protection that may be reason for a court to deny him unsupervised visitation. Consult with an attorney. If you can't afford one find one that's willing to do a free initial consultation.
2006-07-09 11:46:38 · answer #8 · answered by Jill S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
pour hot grits on him nd then leave and move in wit a friend or something lke tht so at least if he does take u 2 court u have a witness 2 testify against him so u get full custody
2006-07-09 11:48:37 · answer #9 · answered by mrs.jack sparrow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need help for sure. What were you thinking of having unprotected sex with a crazy person. Could it be you were looking for the trouble that was sure to result?
#1 suggestion-get your tubes tied. # 2 Move to another part of the country where he won't be able to find you.
2006-07-09 11:47:43 · answer #10 · answered by krisjb1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋