More specifically when your sibling marries someone who has completely different values and disposition than your family's. You have absolutely nothing in common and even when you are trying to have civil conversation everything is a disagreement nothing is in common at all not even social graces or ideas about hospitality. Not to mention you can't talk about anything more important than the latest t.v. show or what they sell at Target. Isn't fake acting like you enjoy their company wrong? I do this but I feel like things are always tense for no reason. It is so hard keeping up this sort of pretense but I guess a lot of families do this.
2006-07-09 11:32:51 · 11 answers · asked by tryingtolearnsomething 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Tough situation!
Here are some ideas:
Mentally picture them naked! If that gets you giggling, then you've already won!
Rehearse a couple of neutral topics beforehand. If they begin to react in a charged manner, change the subject.
Take the high road. If they did nothing else right, they did produce your sibling's spouse. Smile, just as you would if they were two year olds visiting and had a temper tantrum!
Treat them in the way you want to be treated, and you win. Meeting them on their own level will cause you to stoop low. Why bother?
Consider yourself teflon coated, and let their words slide right off.
GOOD LUCK!
2006-07-09 11:38:21 · answer #1 · answered by Buffy Orpington 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No "fake acting" isn't wrong - in fact, it's right. You're trying to be civil and pleasant without causing a stink. Keep doing that, and let whatever they say just roll off your shoulders - easy to say, hard to do (I should know!). Just stay in there and focus on how to please your husband and children (if you have children). Your immediate family is your responsibility...so if in-laws are giving you a hard time, say in a tactful way that you don't appreciate their comments because it hurts your feelings and/or you find it offensive. Ask them to bring up these disparities in private away from your husband and children like adults should do. But if there is nothing to say, and they are just saying things just because they can, then I would just say that and be done with it. Avoid as much as possible and retain your dignity by not saying anything derogatory back. Good luck - I'm in the same boat you're in so I completely feel ya girl.
P.S. - Prayer REALLY does work in this situation, if you pray.
2006-07-09 11:39:33 · answer #2 · answered by KiWi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just keep in mind that you do not live with these in laws, and be thankful that you don't. That they are just that in laws. In laws like grand kids are meant to go back home, and look forward to the time when you'll be back at home enjoying yourself.
People are people, and their views vary, so instead of just arguing your best bet is to try to keep a lid on it, and then tell your sibling afterwords, "this really made Me feel". Let him/her take care of it. That gives them the feeling that they have a say, and if they care, which I'm sure they do, they will do something in their own way to be able to take care of the situation.
If you have told your sibling how you feel and nothing gets done, inform them that you just can not handle the tension it causes you to be around the in laws, and tell them that if it would be OK, that you'd like to just spend time with him/her.
There's no reason to go into a stressful situation where you don't feel like you can even speak freely. No one needs that stress.
Give the sibling a chance to speak with the in laws, and resolve the issue, if it doesn't get resolved then back off a little bit. That should send a message.
2006-07-09 11:43:02 · answer #3 · answered by Enigma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's the civil way to do it. You do know that blood is thicker, right? But that doesn't mean that you can become a problem in your sibling's marriage, so for family's sake, make a happy face.
Try not to touch sensitive matters with that person, and be polite but keep your distance. Someday, you might find something you like in her/him, cause you never knew which way the world will turn.
2006-07-09 11:37:31 · answer #4 · answered by AMBER D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow! thought i was the only one in no-man's land! when you find out the answer to that one please let me know! I feel like I'm living on a completely different planet than the one I grew up in! so, I feel for you!
2006-07-09 12:01:04 · answer #5 · answered by NANCY D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Avoid them as much as possible. You pick your mate and friends, but you're stuck with your relatives and in-laws. All of us have to go through this.
2006-07-09 11:42:01 · answer #6 · answered by Irish 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess I got lucky. I get along great with my inlaws.
2006-07-09 11:35:11 · answer #7 · answered by mightymight 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WELL BASICALLY IF YOU HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON THATN JUST GIVE UP ACT CIVAL WHEN YOU ARE AROUND EACH OTHER... BY NOT TALKING.... AND KEEP MOVING.... GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS
2006-07-09 11:35:54 · answer #8 · answered by rawdawgsgo_hard2005 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if they can be who they are why cant you be who you are because knowone should ever live without being who they really are
2006-07-09 11:38:01 · answer #9 · answered by misvic64 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you don't get along
2006-07-09 11:34:33 · answer #10 · answered by luv ya too 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋