Before I got married I had bad experience with men. my ex boyfriend beat me, and always accused me of cheating, verbally abused me ect... everything bad. So i finally left him, and my father was a drunk.. and my mom and dad left eachother when i was 13 years old. He used to verbally abuse me and hit my older brother (step son) So now in my marriage... I don't trust me husband. If he doesn't answer his phone all these thoughts run through my head that he is cheating, or that he doesn't want to be with me when he doesn't touch me, or have sex with me. He doesn't denie it anymore when I ask him he just says okay whatever.. I think he is cheating on me... I dont know tho. I have problem with him talking to other girls, looking at other girls, ect. He knew about this before we got married that I had a trust problem.. so why should this be anything new to him?? Everytime I get jealous I just say lets get divorce even though I don't mean it. please help!
2006-07-09 11:15:44 · 11 answers · asked by Mommy2Two!! 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Forget talking to a friend. You need some professional assistance, and btw it does not mean you are a failure! You have sustained alot of emotional damage, due to your family circumstance, over which you had no control and no say. If things are truly as you say, without proper intervention, you will set yourself up for a lifetime of fear and disappointment with regard to your relationships. Find a safe person who can truly help you sort through all your stuff. And the earlier in your life you take care of things, the better off you will be. A divorce may or may not be the answer for you, but please find someone to help you.
2006-07-09 11:29:28 · answer #1 · answered by m r 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are a perfect candidate for family counciling.
Also, many women who have gone through the kinds of things you have can have low self esteem. A counselor or Pyschologist can help you with those things. Please be sure to see a certified therapist or counselor, and not a religious counselor, as they are usually unqualified.
A cerfitied family and marriage counselor is your best bet. Some work on a sliding fee scale, so that you can afford it.
I advise to not make threats that you are not serious on following through on. That will do more harm than good.
The counselors will try to teach you and your husband to communicate better. Communicating, and learning to trust one another is essential to the survival of your relationship.
Furthermore, being in a relationship where you know that you can trust your partner is important, because future relationships (if this did not work out) will relay on you trusting your partner too.
Because of the past issues that you talked about, and your low self esteem, this will not be fixed easily.
Building trust is a slow and gradual process. If your husband loves you, he will have patience, and be willing to go to counseling, and will work to communicate better so that you can build that long term trust relationship.
Good luck. I know that you can succeed if you work at it, and if both of you are willing to give it your best shot.
2006-07-09 18:26:43 · answer #2 · answered by Atom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you need to get some counseling and do it NOW! You have a whole lot of issues you must work out now or your marriage will never work.. and your husband needs to get some as well so he know how and why to handle your trust problems. I can tell you this from personal experience, my dear.. I lived it all.. with no counseling, two marriages failed.. but after counseling.. I am a much happier person.. alone as well as with others. Good luck.
2006-07-09 18:35:37 · answer #3 · answered by Nancy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
XXXXXXXXXX Finally you are in a relationship that surpasses the one your parents had and is better than anyone you've ever had and you want to sabotage it. You best get a wake up call real soon because you are being too jealous and over protective and you will LOOSE the only man who truely love you. Your husband don't have a problem, you do and you better get over your past or it will catch up will you again and continue to f up your life. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
2006-07-09 19:15:27 · answer #4 · answered by asoldierswife 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop being so paranoid and insecure. its a turnoff. i know its hard with your past and all, but telling him that and asking him all the time is not a good thing for your marraige...relationships are based on trust...if you cant trust him, then its going to be tough. apologize to him for the way you are...again i know its hard for you to change but you can...try maybe seeing a couples therapist or something to help you guys...he knew this before...and he still married you....so that shows you something...like i said before, always nagging him and asking him, confronting and accussing is not a good thing. it's one thing to be concerned and have doubts...its another to be paranoid and clingy about it.
my warning: if you keep on doing it, it might push him away
good luck!
2006-07-09 18:25:10 · answer #5 · answered by mozartrox811 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have the same prob with my current boyfriend, i dont trust him but deep down i know its my past that has made me insecure and jealous, so i just try and tell myself that, i know he wouldnt do anything to hurt me so you have to be careful or you could end up losing the one that isnt doing anything, it is hard but you have to work at it. all the best
2006-07-09 18:25:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Therapy dear. That's what you need. Obviously you saw something in your husband that you didn't see in your BF or father. YOU have the problem here, not him.
2006-07-09 18:26:03 · answer #7 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read your other questions and if you do have a threesome that will just put more strain on your marriage
2006-07-09 18:25:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can afford it, see a counsellor. Good Luck.
2006-07-09 18:30:02 · answer #9 · answered by winona e 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to a good friend, you both need help
2006-07-09 18:22:10 · answer #10 · answered by Trinity 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋