Why do girls always stick with abusive partners and shun so called "nice guys"?

Answer 1

First of all, you must never forget that there are men out there who are abused by their female partners/spouses. Women are the majority, but by no means the only, victims of domestic violence.

As a survivor of domestic violence, I can tell you that it is strictly a matter of self-esteem. The majority of people who fall into abusive relationships do not feel that they deserve any better, although they do not see this as the case. Many, in the beginning, are sensitive, nurturing, caring individuals who are able to sense the pain in others as a reflection of the pain in themselves, and truly believe that they can help the other person. They have often led lives where they have been repeatedly picked on or put down as a result of their sensitive natures and consequently have painfully low self-esteem. This fits in perfectly for a controlling, manipulative abuser who will take adantage of that sensitivity.

An abuser will slowly strip away at the victim's defenses until they are unable to leave. The victim will believe that they are too weak, too unattractive, or disloyal/ungrateful if they leave.

It is very frustrating to be on the outside, watching this happen because you have no idea what it is like unless you have experienced it. You cannot change someone who doesn't want to change. This applies to the victim as well as the abuser. I know that a person can't really help falling in love with someone who is entirely wrong for them. The only thing you can do for the victim of abuse, is to lend them your friendship and support.

You must, however, avoid being an enabler. To truly quit an abusive relationship, the victim needs to get angry and they need to do it on their own. It takes a great deal of strength to truly break the chains of abuse, that and a LOT of therapy.

Personally, I was not able to leave for my own sake, but when my ex-husband hurt my child, that was finally enough to get me to leave. I have been in therapy for six years undoing the damage and rebuilding my life and I am now going back to school to be a Social Worker therapist so I can help other victims of abuse.

I feel for you, because I had almost given up on the idea that such a thing as a "nice guy" existed. I am now 33 years old and finally believe, for the first time in my life, that I deserve a good man, who will treat my son and myself with love and respect and I will not settle for anyting less.

Answer 2

There are many reasons for girls/women sticking with abusive partners, sometimes it is easier to do nothing about a situation and just get through each day at a time, than to buck up the courage to break away, abuse is not always physical, it could be psychological too, their partner may have been playing mind games with them for years, making it harder to break away.

And "nice guys" to these girls/women may seem just too good to be true, they get so used to be treated badly, that they wonder why the guy is being so nice, or maybe they feel they don't deserve to be treated so good because of what they have been through in the past.

Answer 3

Those type of girls don't realize it but they have low self esteem and allow themselves to be dominated by these individuals. Once they learn that they have value and start believing in themselves, they will change their lives for the better. If you consider yourself a nice person...continue to be that way and always strive to improve your character. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being nice. The world can benefit, as a whole, if more people make efforts to give and receive respect from others.
Being nice dose not mean allowing yourself to be week. Ignore those who attempt to degrade you or treat you mean...women and men alike.

Never step down to their level!

You can feel assured that following this formula will result in being well respected and well liked by the majority of the people you encounter.

Especially the women!

Answer 4

Because media aimed at youth makes the tough guy or the foolish guy look "exciting", which the nice guys are looked upon as nerds. MTV is about the worst thing that could have happened in the last 25 years. The images it portrays and the products it sells for some few mega-corporations have changed our views of each other drastically, and not for the better.

Answer 5

For a number of reasons:
* they think they can change them
* the abusive partner plays mind games and controls the girl
* continuity
* societal pressure, i.e. afraid to be single when everyone else is hooked up, plus there's that whole validating thing
* they have a low self-esteem

Answer 6

What polskijason said, but i also i want add they want a challenge so they can change them into a "nice guy". Where as nice hasn't is not so much of challenge, as they we already treat them right. But the other problem with nice guy is that they're too needy and feel they have to impress the girl with lavish gifts which any girl can see through. The sort of guy is a mixture of a bad boy and a nice guy, you have respect but not the needyness.

Answer 7

Because girls look for something which goes beyond looks and basic personality. It gives hope to ugly guys, but unfortunately opens the door for violent ones. Maybe because girls like some kind of a challenge?!! (I don't mean the violence though).

I have a distant relative who was married to probably the nicest guy ever to set foot on this earth. The guy worshipped the ground she walked on, and would do anything for her. This guy was really nice to everyone, and yet the woman divorced him.

Answer 8

I consider myself to be a good person and i got involved with someone who was in an abusive relationship. I was in a position to help them and at one point was acknowledged as potentially being part of the way out of this abusive relationship. Unbeknown to me, this person was actually a very bad person and i learnt the hard way that people are not all they seem to be and in fraught emotional situations you should not trust anyone as they will lie and deceive you.
The experience genuinely nearly killed me and this person continued to remain in that relationship, against all reason and advice and at great personal cost to them. My verdict on it all? If you are a nice person, stay away from those in abusive relationships. They need professional help and if you decide to try and 'save' someone in that position, you will end up needing professional help yourself. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink..........

Answer 9

I've often wondered this myself. When I've asked female friends they really cant give a good answer. I believe it all comes down to basic instincts (very basic) and think that some women feel that someone who is not afraid to show aggression will protect them and their children whatever happens. Unfortunately in this day and age aggression is shown far too easily in society and it's not for the reason of protection.

Answer 10

I think it's because we're boring. I'm still confused by this one. I imagine it has something to do with the urge to "rebel" against your parents.
Most parents want the daughters to end up with some nice stable guy. But when the daughters are young, the need excitement and usually end up with the creeps.

If you hang around long enough, you'll find they usually outgrow this. Downside is , they often end up carry the scumbags baby and expect us to raise it!!??!?!

And ya know, some DA's do.