why do loads of people on here presume that having children or indeed sex out of wedlock is wrong or bad or as many of you say marriage will make you more stable? I have two children to the same guy been together 3 1/2 years and we are not married we live together love each other and our children yet i know of many married couples with children going through a divorce what is the big deal no peace of paper is going to make a guy/girl more committed anyone agree?
2006-07-09 09:53:29 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
Shhhh, calm down.
The natural order for raising children goes like this: man & woman are attracted; man & woman fall in love; man & woman form committed bond; man & woman have children.
The big social problem is the form the "committed bond" takes. In most cases, it's a wedding, but not always! Sometimes the bond only takes place secretly, in their hearts.
The problem with this is the legal ramifications. As a legal husband/wife, there are built-in obligations and perquisites, and I'm sure you know all about them. Personally, I feel better for having them, but not everyone feels the need.
The only concern I think you might want to address is the effect on the children; do you feel they are likely to be teased or bullied because they are illegitimate? Only you and your b/f can decide what is best for your family. I certainly wish you good luck!
2006-07-09 10:08:03 · answer #1 · answered by silvercomet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not so much the marriage before children I agree with but I think that a couple should be together for many years before thinking about children. A person should know the spouse well. I dont think marriage is a must but then again, if two people are together and they have kids and they say they love each other so much why not get married? I guess every one knows what they want, whether it be marriage then kids or kids and no marriage.
2006-07-09 16:57:56 · answer #2 · answered by corgi mama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as the relationship is stable it doesn't matter. It is just that with not being married if the relationship was to sour it is harder to get child support, because the guy can claim that the child is not his. When you are married the guy is automatically ordered to pay. When not married expensive DNA tests have to be done. And DO NOT listen to the girl below. Not all states recongnize Common Law Marriage...it does not matter how long someone has been together. Unless you buy a house that is in both of your names. If the house is in his name and he has no will, his family can come along and kick you out and take everything.
2006-07-09 16:57:41 · answer #3 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am married but i completely agree with you. You could be married and feel like you're in hell, and you could be in a commited relationship that actually works well and makes both partners happy.
Besides, for the children to be happy, they dont need you to sign some papers- they need all the love and support from their parents, they need to be taken care of and live in a loving and peaceful environment. Please, dont feel like im teaching you a lesson here, i'm sure you already know ( and probably better than i do ) all those things- but i really get annoyed when people are being all hypocrate, insisting that " family " could only mean a married couple with children. Family is where you feel welcome and loved, period, you dont need to go to a church or a judge to have that.
When you feel bad with people being all narrow-minded and ignorant, try not to pay them any attention. Its your life.
I wish you all the best !!!
2006-07-10 03:59:57 · answer #4 · answered by meg 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not so much the piece of paper that makes the commitment of marriage - it's the seriousness of the legal ramifications... Being married means that in the eyes of the law you are a family! If you really ARE in a committed relationship what about that piece of paper makes you shy away? It certainly sounds like you two are providing the best you can for your kids - Kudos to you both! -- but know that you are perhaps the exception, not the rule...
2006-07-09 17:09:04 · answer #5 · answered by The Ang 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree with you. me and my boyfreind were together 3 & 1/2 yrs before kids. We now have an 18 month old and 3 month old. I think we are just as happy as people i know that are married with children. I think that the "peice of paper" is just a way to say someone owns you. And causes more problems if you need to get out of the situation.
2006-07-09 17:00:24 · answer #6 · answered by rachel d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage by definition is more committed than just living together. When I married my wife, I made a promise to her in front of God and a church full of people that I would be committed solely to her.
I'm sure you and your guy love each other very much, but (again, by definition) you are not as committed to each other as my wife and I are.
I'm glad you take stability seriously for your children's sake though.
Remember, even little birds with their little bird brains know that you don't lay the eggs until after you've built the nest.
2006-07-09 17:02:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why build a life with someone without marriage? Why are you so against it? Marriage is a way of protecting both people. It helps make sure child support is paid, financial things are handled fairly upon divorce or death, for health insurance, for wills upon a death. Marriage isn't something to trap people. Its there to give an added stability and protection. And some couples divorce, but not all. That is immaturity on their part, not another notch against marriage.
2006-07-09 17:02:18 · answer #8 · answered by Velken 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree 100% i have 3 children to the same guy I've been with for 9yrs we are happy and don't need that piece of paper to prove we love each other.
2006-07-09 17:07:09 · answer #9 · answered by CLAIRE2006 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i hope you are aware that after you live with someone for a certian number of years i think its 7 years in most states. he will have to give you a divorce should you break up. i think you should be married before you live with someone or have kids
2006-07-09 17:02:37 · answer #10 · answered by kleighs mommy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋