please help me?

Question

me and my boyfriend have been going out for 3 months now and hes goingto ask me to marry him do u thin i should and im only 14 but we love each other a lot and he never dose anything bad or anthing please help

Answer 1

Well, I don't even think it is legal for you to get married in most states... you need to check out your local laws.

As someone who got married when he was 23, and who has 14 years of marriage under his belt, I would advise you that getting married at this time in your life will cause you a LOT of hardship.

I know you probably feel like you are in love and can't imagine anything going wrong at this point, but you really don't know what you are getting into.

1. You haven't even finished schooling. If you don't finish school, your job choices (and pay, to keep your family afloat) are going to be limited. You will also not have much financial freedom to take care of yourself, especially if you have children, if you do not have an education. You should be focusing on getting your diploma (at least!).

2. Having kids at your age -- you won't know what hit you. It's a hard responsibility to care for kids even when in your mid-20's, let alone at 14. You are not emotionally or physically even mature yet, nor have much experience with having to give all of your life away to a kid. It's a very very hard thing, even while it is very rewarding. Please don't go there at this time in your life.

3. My first girlfriend and I (she was ninth grade, I was a junior) felt the same way and planned to marry after school. At the end of the fourth month, I realized I really didn't like her anymore and we broke up. If you had asked me a month earlier, I would not have imagined that as a possibility. So please trust me: You can feel like you are totally in love, forever and ever, and a few months later, your feelings can change completely. YOu need some dating experience under your belt and an idea of what it really means to be in a long-term relationship before you commit to marriage.

4. How will you guys pay for anything? You don't have income. You don't want to put a burden on your parents and friends... that's not fair to you or them.

(And if this guy is old enough to be legally an adult and have a job, please note that he can't even legally have sex with you without being charged with a crime. Not to mention that an adult marrying a 14 year old girl... it's usually not a mature relationship, and is usually damaging for the girl. She is inadvertently taken advantage of emotionally and otherwise.)

All this is probably a lot to digest. But in almost any situation, a 14-year-old promising to marry after only three months -- no matter how she feels about the guy -- is a bad bad bad move.

Take your time, talk to adults who have been in long-term relationships, work on getting your schooling so that you are prepared to be independent before thinking about marriage and kids. It is always better to wait, especially if you are not sure, because you can always say "yes" later... but you won't be able to "unsay" yes if you move ahead.

Answer 2

Absolutely not! The person you are now at 14 is nothing like the person you will be in 2, 4 ,and 6 years. No matter how wonderful this boy is, he will not be what you want later in life.

If you say yes, and actually marry him, I can pretty much garentee you that you will be divorced by the time you are 21. A lot of people will tell you that 14 is to younge. It is, but that isn't the main point. Think about who you were at 10 years old, and how different you are now.

You are going to change that much, if not more between now and 18, and then between 18 and 21 you will start to learn who you are even more. If you are married through the times, then your entire life will be based off what some man wants, not what you want.

Fourteen is a difficult age, you are trying to separate from your parents, you are learning independence, falling in love for the first time, ect. If you do what you should, which is date, graduate high school, go to college, then you are going to comtinue to grow into a young woman who is confident in who she is.

By 25 or 26, you will have 'been there, done that' and be ready to pick a man. But before then you are going to be picking someone who has some characteristic that you find attractive and latch onto. But in 10 years whatever it was that you found attractive is going to be what you cannot stand about that person.

Also, remember that when you marry, you are going to in a sense be giving up who you are. For the rest of your life you will have to base everything you do 24/7 off of someone else. When you make dinner, you have to think about what he like. When you watch TV, you have to think about what shows he likes and doesn't, the same goes for music, going out, everything.

Also, one of the most fun things in life is when you get older and live on your own. I remember the first night being in my own place. I sat down, made myself whateevr I wanted to eat, put all my furniture where I wanted it without anyone else telling me what to do. I painted the walls, bought the dishes, shower curtins, ect ect. I did everything I wanted to do, with no one to tell me it was time to go to bed, or to get mad because I left my underware on the floor, or the cap off the toothpast.

If you get married now, even if yo stay married forever, you will never experience that feeling of complete freedom and independence. And trust me, you will miss it.

Answer 3

One- you can't get married at 14 unless you live in, like, Kenya. Two- you have not been going out with him long enough for him to do something bad. You may not even really know him right now. You might think you do, but you really need some more time. Wait til you've had at least one big fight- that way you can see what makes him mad, how he handles conflict, and how good he is at making up. Even if you promised to wait for him and marry him someday, you'll probably just end up breaking it. You're 14! don't you wnat to have fun? sounds like this relationship is too serious for someone so young.

Answer 4

You are 14 years old. No! No! No! I know you think he is the best person in the world for you, but what is the rush. You owe it to yourself to wait. If you want to have a happy marriage in your adulthood, you should wait. At your age love is blind, and that is not a put down to you,OK. Right now all the hormones are rageing and it's nice to have someone that loves and cares about you. But if he really dose he will not want to at your early age. He would want you to be older and sure. Don't make a mistake and ruin the rest of your life. Be absolutely sure. Most states you can't that early without your parents permission. Stay tough, and just say no, for now. God Bless and good luck.

Answer 5

Lets see number one it depends where you are if your in a state that allows 14 years old to marry than thats up to you if you want to marry him or not but frankly if I were you I would not cause one if your in a state that does not allow that than its already a bad idea cause in those cases you cant marry till your old enough but also in any case I wouldnt cause one your still young I would wait till your old enough first cause a situation like this would never last you guys would be divorced real fast I mean the marriage will probably last longer than I would guess but it wouldnt last so I think its a bad idea I would wait for a while to see if it will work or not before making such a decision its to early for you guys to talk about marriage and to early for you two to even think about marriage

Answer 6

no ,Im 14 too and to get married at 14 and after 3 months is rediculous, he could nothing more than a childhood crush,you can't marry anyway you're under 18. You might really like him but love is a strong word so date each other untill you r 18.

Answer 7

Holy crap are you young to get married. Just wait like 7 years probably. You'll still be real young to get married, but odds are it'll be good if it already lasted that long. The idea is to marry someone you'll enjoy for fifty or more years. 3 months isn't even enough time to get over the intial stages of talking about your dreams and whatnot.

Answer 8

You are to young to know what love is. I had a boyfriend ask me to marry him at 14 and then when I said yes, like a dumba**, he then asked me to have sex with him. Kicked him to the curb really quick. Grow up and make a life for yourself, then think about love and marriage.

Answer 9

Gurl hell no!!!! Forget about you being too young but there hasn't been enough time invested for a serious step like that. Ask that question again in about a year and you may get a different answer but you haven't even seen what else is out there. You may think that you are in love but believe me its just the lust part talking, you may love him just like you said but you are definitely not IN LOVE with him.

Answer 10

at 14 I don't think getting engaged is wise. Everyone thinks they are in love at that age. If you feel strongly get promise rings. do not commit at such a young age. If you are still going strong at 16-17 then I would get engaged. I fell in love with my husband and we married age 23. do not rush. love takes time to develop and 3 months is not it.