I've been wanting to have a child with her since we got married, and I thought we had been trying for so long and just couldn't get pregnant. She finally told me that she was pregnant on our first anniversary and had an abortion and has been on birth control secretly for the last three years. I don't know what I should do.
2006-07-09 09:06:34 · 17 answers · asked by hazbeenwelshman 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
That sucks. Come make babies with me!
2006-07-09 09:18:50 · answer #1 · answered by wild_orchid_1988 3 · 4⤊ 3⤋
First of all, you have every right to grieve the loss of the child that should have been yours but was taken from you. Please don't try to hide any of your feelings; they are a natural reaction to the pain you have been caused.
It sounds like there are many serious issues in your marriage that need to be dealt with, the most obvious one being honesty. I would immediately start looking for good marriage counseling for both of you to go to. Don't forget that she is sure to be hurting too, both from the loss she experienced (although self-inflicted, it's real all the same) and from the guilt she is sure to be feeling.
Lastly, when she is ready to admit the wrong she has committed, not just the facts of what she has done, you need to be ready to forgive her. I'm sure it will take everything in you to do so, but if you're going to get on the road to a happy marriage, forgiveness and rebuilding trust are essential. I wouldn't say that your marriage is doomed by any means, it just needs a lot of work.
2006-07-09 09:22:25 · answer #2 · answered by blueEyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Not knowing other details about your relationship, I would say that you must have other issues in your relationship. This has been a major deceit and lie on her part. You need to really talk to her, it sounds as if she really does not want to have children; at least not at this time. If she doesn't want to discuss it at all, you need to find a marriage/relationship counselor for both of you, if she will go. If she is not willing to go, you really need the help for yourself. If you attend a church, at lot of times counseling is available through church, so you will be in a supportive community. Best of luck to you and God bless!
2006-07-09 09:19:24 · answer #3 · answered by Sue F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its betrayal... What would she have done if she was trying to get pregnant and she realized you havent been C**ing (the thing a guy has to do to get a girl pregnant)... She would have been angry, correct? Its wrong and feel lucky that you dont have a kid with a person who you cant trust.
2006-07-09 12:11:41 · answer #4 · answered by B26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She might be scared on having a baby. Instead of being mad at her. Find out why she did it. What is she scared about. That is stange for a women to do that. Somthing is going on. But then again you 2 should be able to trust eachother.
2006-07-09 09:11:27 · answer #5 · answered by nay 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your wife can kill your baby w/ out even asking then she doesn`t love you very much.She has a problem w/ haveing your baby.And she can keep a secret like killing your baby and then stay`s on bc for 33 years w/ out telling you,she doesn`t love you very much.Did you know that you can press charges against her because she did not tell you she was prego and then she killed it and did not ask you if you wanted her to....I`m so sorry your going through this.
2006-07-09 10:58:08 · answer #6 · answered by *~*dragonFly*~* 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I suggest that you and your wife go to counseling. Obviously there is a bigger issue here than her secert abortion. Best of luck.
2006-07-09 09:09:36 · answer #7 · answered by gemcatme 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW! drama... you two need to sit down and have a long chat on why she doesnt want kids and why you do and why she thinks that she has to lie to you. I also suggest counseling. good luck :-)
2006-07-09 09:11:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce her. If she lied to you about such a major thing, your relationship is worthless. There are better people on the world. Go find someone you can trust.
2006-07-09 09:23:09 · answer #9 · answered by amartouk 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
GET COUNSELING. THAT INNOCENT BABY WAS PART OF YOU AND MY HUSBAND SAID HE WOULD HAVE DIVORCED ME IN A MINUTE. HE SAID IF I DIDN'T WANT IT THAT HE DID. SHE SHOULD HAVE TRUSTED AND LOVED YOU ENOUGH TO TALK TO YOU AND TELL YOU WHAT SHE WAS PLANNING INSTEAD OF GOING BEHIND YOUR BACK. SEPERATING IS AN OPTION TOO. SHE NEEDS TO DECIDE IF THAT'S THE LIFE SHE WANTS. I COULD NEVER EVEN CONSIDER KILLING MY BABY. I HOPE IT WORKS OUT ,IF NOT YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE TRUSTING.
2006-07-09 09:17:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
u should just go along with it because maybe shes not ready to have a kid just go easy on her because think about would you want carry a kid for 9 months
2006-07-09 09:14:09 · answer #11 · answered by ??????????? 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋