i have been married for 19 yrs day and night my husband abuses me,some times he hit me and call me names he acuses me of going with every man i talk to,he dont surport my family like he should,i pay the morgage,the lightbill,the phone bill the water bill the insurance the schoolfee whwen it was one,the cable and internet bill the car payment when there was one,the food bill and take care the children,he call my virgina every thing u can imagine,even acue me of having a abortion,when i had a cyst on my ovary,in public he make me shame by cursing at me,now that im trying to get out of it he thinks im seeing some one else.but i do talk to a friend who are helping me befor i go crazy.and i now having feelings for him because i dont have any for my husband because of the abuse.my friend was one of the men he acuse me of but i honestly did not have any feelings for him,until now.this week my husband trethen to kill me and burn my home down so i now seeking help so he really angry.what to do
2006-07-09 08:47:01 · 12 answers · asked by boop 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
why are you even asking this question? leave!!!
2006-07-09 08:54:03 · answer #1 · answered by me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I would try to look at (1) your relationship with your husband and (2) your attraction to this other guy as two separate issues.
You first need to resolve the abusive relationship issues. Some of his behavior probably crosses a legal line. You need to get help. I have little experience with what to do; idealistically, a social worker or someone similar could set you on the right path to getting away from this guy and ending the relationship once and for all. He sounds dangerous for both you and your child(ren).
Meanwhile, do not involve your friend. You merely place him in danger. Your husband will just blame your leaving on THAT relationship, rather than on the truth -- that he has been abusive for years and has basically killed anything you guys once shared. You need to both convince him and yourself that this dead marriage is not about some sort of adulterous romance on your part, but about your husband's destructive actions and speech.
Once your situation with your husband has been resolved, then later you can work on that relationship with your friend. But I really advise you not to mix the two of them together, or things will get very messy.
As far as your husband posting his story on here (aside from the fact I doubt he would even be able to articulate his position clearly anyway) -- although there are always two sides to a story, there are some hard "facts" in your post (the verbal and physical abuse) that simply cannot be misinterpreted.
A guy who consistently calls his wife names and sometimes hits her is already way over the line... and even the best possible "excuse" for all of the other things he's done is not a very good one.
If your husband has done all these things to you in the past, telling him you posted them in a public forum will be an embarrassment to him and he will do something stupid and cruel to you. Do not take that poster's advice.
Get help. Find a way to end things, legally; and if you have family of your own (brothers, sisters, parents) or friends who can help protect you and your children, then rely on them as much as you can. You need guidance and support to figure out the best way through this.
2006-07-09 09:44:51 · answer #2 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry that you are gong through that. First off all, those feelings that you have developed for the other man--do not act on them! you need time to heal from all of this abuse and turmoil tht you are currently experiencing now. Secondly email me, I have a few suggestions for you, that I don't think Yahoo! would post. (think Al Green, a.k.a "Grit ball"). I will keep you in my prayers. Thirdly, you are a beautiful person, I am glad that you are finally seeking help for this. Go to the police and take out a restraining order on your husband. Your life is precious and so are your child(ren)- Do not become a statistic of DMV.
2006-07-09 09:02:41 · answer #3 · answered by ladysea8 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave him----get a restraining order agaist him.
As far as the other guy----file dervorce first before you get invloved more with him
Also you might want to wait until after your devorce is final----sometimes these feelings you have is just because you don't have feelings for your husband and you want someone else---this isn't always the best,
Its good after ending any realtionship to stop and take a break from men for a while----clear your head----also see a counciler if you feel you need to----take care of yourself first before jumping into another realtionship.
2006-07-12 05:42:25 · answer #4 · answered by littlet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave the zero and get you a hero.
Get out A.S.A.P.
My wife's ex did the same to her. They were married for 18 years.
If he threatened to kill you, he will! Get out and do it now.
Right now start to prepare a plan. Call a women's shelter,
tell all your friends about his threats, find a place to go and
get out! Go, don't wait until you become another domestic violence statistic.
2006-07-09 09:06:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yo uneed to leave and find a saf eplace to be...i always see on the news how spouses are killing the other because they dont want it to end......PLEASE LEAVE ...i know you are probably use to him since you have been married for 19 years but with all those bad strings attached you dont deserve that your life is much more important.....DONT BE AFRAID.... you hold your own power by staying and putting up with the abuse you give him your power.....reclaim whats yours....YOUR LIFE....you dont derserve better you deserve BEST :)
2006-07-09 09:02:20 · answer #6 · answered by LifeWater 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Report him to local law enforcement for his threats and abuse, get a restraining order against him and divorce him
2006-07-09 08:58:11 · answer #7 · answered by Mr. No 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you ask him to post his side of the story on here?
2006-07-09 09:16:53 · answer #8 · answered by beer_pharts 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave this stupid man. Get yourself a better life.x
2006-07-09 08:52:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is auvius that you need to get a divoice.
2006-07-09 09:01:08 · answer #10 · answered by pumpkin82 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋