ok its a long question and complicated. Ive been married for two years now, my husband and i dated a long time before we were maarried, and have been friends since highschool. We have two children, 1 is ours the other is his from his first marriage. I think our marriage is falling apart. He says mean things especiaally when we fight and doesnt help much. he had back surgery in jan , and i know theres not much he can do but sometimes i feel like he just wants to be lazy. he barely helps with our kids, and gets mad when i ask him for help. I try so hard to do everything right and keep up with stuff but its hard. His family for the most part hates me, they think im a wh0re. He catches attitude over the smallest things and has this way of making me feel stupid. My mother wants me to take the baby and leave, my best friend thinks so too. but i still remember why we are married in the first place, and i do love him, and i hate quitting. i justdont know what to doshould i give up?
2006-07-09 07:59:38 · 10 answers · asked by rednecksurfer_roxy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
(ran out of characters) anyways anyone else been through this or know any thing about it? i really need some advice i try to talk to him but he says there is only a problem because i make it into one. he thinks everything is fine. i feel so lonely, and ur prollly thinking why didnt you leave a long time ago but there are still good times and there is still love......what is your opinion....advice whatever?
2006-07-09 08:01:54 · update #1
just to clear somethings up. when i say hes lazy and doesnt help thats exactly what i mean. i say this bc if he can get up and go to his friends house or go out he could do something around the house once in a while. yes, i know hes in pain, but he refueses physical therapy. he complains but wont do anything to actually make it better.
2006-07-09 08:19:31 · update #2
First of all, that ***** talking about the "bad knee" sounds like someone ready to blow dogs for quarters. Clearly stated back surgery up there. Secondly, I know you and I know you're doing all you can, and you're a better person than me for stickin' all this out. I love both of you, but I want your happiness more than his. I'm selfish like that. Anyway, I'd suggest doing what I tell you all the time: when the kids are in bed, sit outside with him for a half hour or so, and just talk. About anything and everything. You both are awesome and you'll work it out.
2006-07-11 14:28:09 · answer #1 · answered by Laser Beam 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would sit down and tell him how you feel. Don't leave because your family and friends are pressuring you too but don't stay if its not working out I wouldnt let him make you take all the blame all the time either thats not true or fair it takes 2 to make a family and when there is 2 parents it takes both to keep the family going whether one has had surgery or not have you tried talking to his doctor to see exactly what things he can or can't help you with? If not I would do that first then ask him to help you with the things he can do.
2006-07-09 15:11:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are doing all the giving and he is doing all the taking. In love he should want to take care of you as much as you want to take care of him. For instance, when you express how he makes you feel, even if he disagrees, he should care and try to make it better. No matter what you put up with or how much you love him, it's not going to work if he doesn't do his part. I don't think you should just leave but you do need to make him see that you are serious and your heart is hurting enough to leave if he doesn't care anymore. You need to shake him up a bit and based on how he responds, only you can decide what you can live with. Marriage is more than loving. You have to work at it even if his back hurts. He is in pain but that doesn't give him the right to Miss treat you.
2006-07-09 15:20:36 · answer #3 · answered by snowhite 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok let me get this staright, you want to leave him for having an attitude? man you give up real easy, it seems like you want it too be really bad so you can leave.hes sick and has a bad kneee and all yo ucan say is help me i need help, he isnt lazy , he is hurt. he barely helps with the kids cuz he cant get up. i thiknk you should calm down ans stop telling everyone about your problems, now your family wont like him and your friends wont like him. why doesnt your family like you ? they think you are a whore becasue of??? what did you do?? you cant be called a whore if you havent done anything? and besdie that doesnt mean you should give up and quit on your mariage??? or do you think it is good enough?if you love him you will do everything to stick iyt out, if he hits you thats another thing, but if he just has an attitude then thats something petty.good luck.
2006-07-09 15:13:39 · answer #4 · answered by Christina 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My former husband had back problems and those were the worst three or four months of our marriage! ( We did stay married for another 14 years after that - so there is light at the end of the tunnel) If your husband was active before his surgery - I suspect he is taking out his frustrations on you. Having back problems seems to affect men more than women ( I hope that doesn't sound sexist). It seems to be more of a blow to their ego when they are unable to function and do things like they could before. I think women are so used to going on with our normal routine despite illness etc. - that we deal with things like this more easily. That doesn't excuse his rude behavior - but you can try to understand that he is not really lashing out at you - it is more a case of him being angry with life in general right now. Try to stick it out if you can. Is he getting any sort of physical therapy or exercise? If not - check with your doctor or the local hospital to see what is available. Many hospitals have supervised exercise programs and gyms at next to no cost.
2006-07-09 15:13:45 · answer #5 · answered by arkiemom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If You are Going To Stick It Out,Then His back May Get Better It May Get Worse,Back injurys Are Not Visible Wounds However I Can Relate(Been There,Done That) Be Patient Keep Ragging Him To Get Off Duff,He Will Have To Figure Out What He Can Do,Not What He Can't..Stay On His &ss Don't Forget Your Secret Weapon..
2006-07-09 15:32:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hated the thought of quitting too, but sometimes you have to let go of something if it's not working. you deserve better.there is someone out there who will love you and help you and enjoy doing it.Life's too short to waste on someone who just doesn't get it.
2006-07-09 15:12:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your problem is a complex problem.we can't lnow the whole circumstances deep into it.very very difficult to advise except this that time is a big healer.i think time will bring good days for you if u can carry on.
2006-07-09 15:17:47 · answer #8 · answered by vivek s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there is still love, there is still hope. Give it all you've got and when you're done all you can, I think you'll know what to do.
2006-07-09 15:16:13 · answer #9 · answered by Dr. Dave 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to your mother. They (I hate to admit this) are rarely wrong and ALWAYS have your best interest.
2006-07-09 15:24:12 · answer #10 · answered by treena072 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋