I am getting married in less than 2 weeks. I spent my bachelor party in Vegas a month ago. I danced with other girls, but did not touch or kiss anyone. My fiance is in Vegas right now for her bachelorette party. She is flying back today, but she called me at 3 in the morning last night very drunk and told me how much she loved me; I could tell that she was feeling guilty. After some persuading she told me that when she was dancing with another guy (we had already discussed that dancing was ok), he tried to kiss her and she turned away. He tried to kiss her a second time and they did end up meeting lips and she did say that toungue was involved. I don't think they kissed for very long and she called me feeling guilty within 30 minutes. We have been together for 4 years and this doesn't reflect her normal behavior. We own a house together and act like we are already married. I think this was just a one time thing because she was drunk in Vegas, but what does everyone else think?
2006-07-09 07:21:59 · 19 answers · asked by Riding High 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I forgot to mention we are both 24 years old and we met in college.
2006-07-09 07:24:18 · update #1
Thanks for all the input. July 22 is the date. She is a really hot girl, so expected she would have to work really hard to fight all the guys off. I was thinking pretty much the same as everyone, I plan on talking a lot when she gets back, but is her own guilt punishment enough?
2006-07-09 07:59:17 · update #2
It's bad judgement on her part, for putting herself in that situation in the first place, but as you say, she did come straight to you about it. If this is an isolated incident, forgive her, but help her see from your perspective that it really hurt you, and not just say "man, that really hurt me", but get into the areas of love, respect, and trust with her. I'm not saying punish her emotionally, but if you just say "it's ok honey, you didn't mean it, no biggie", then you're just opening the door for it to happen again. This way, if she's ever in a compromising situation again, she will have more than her guilt to overcome (which she may just abandon), but she will have to remember what you said, and internalize the hurt it would cause you in advance.
2006-07-09 07:28:59 · answer #1 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Well, what were her thoughts during and after the kiss? If a person so does it in their mind they have committed it in their heart. Just ask yourself, is that the kind of character display that is something to build your marriage up or to help tear it down? Most married couples who truly love each other don't get into deep kisses with persons outside their marriage because it's clearly an act of adultery and selfishness. If you don't get this problem resolved now you're doomed for a marriage full of rage and distrust of which will quite obviously also lead to divorce. If committed in the mind so it has been committed in the heart. What kind of things have you done that would lead her to believe that she was ok with doing what she did? What was your bachelor party like? What did or have you done throughout your relationship with her that would allow her to believe this sort of disenchanting conduct was ok? I'm sorry but when your marriage is starting off with deep sensual kisses with outside parties, it doesn't look so good. That's just from experience. You both need to re-evaluate your position as marriage mates and look to what is healthy and blessed for resolve instead of seeking kisses from other outside immoral influences. Oh well...wish you well. Something is not right here on both sides.
2016-03-15 21:50:12 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kissing another guy is cheating, but what really matters is will she do it again?
It's not OK, and it should never be considered OK, but she was honest with you and substances were involved in this incident, I think you two have to stop and remember you two are getting married. You two love each other and plan to spend the rest of your lives together. They fact that she was honest and felt guilty is enough to let you know she is faithful.
I have cheated on my fiance by kissing another guy, but it took that kiss to make me realize I was a stupid girl and I really do love my fiance. I told him after it had happened, but I knew (and I told him) it wasn't worth it, it meant nothing, and I would never do that again because I was afraid to lose the one I truly loved.
Don't give this up over an alcohol-induced kiss, you guys sound like you really have something special.
2006-07-09 07:31:06 · answer #3 · answered by katcb1 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that it's a good sign that she felt guilty about it, and it didn't help that alcohol was involved, but I feel that you need to have a talk with her and be sure that she understands that doing anything with another person that she would not do with you in the room is cheating.
Ask her if the roles were reversed if she would feel like you were cheating on her. I bet that she would feel that way.
2006-07-09 07:25:55 · answer #4 · answered by Justsyd 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This doesn't reflect her normal behavior, and that is why she called you, despite she was heavily drunk, and told you what she had done, in detail. It was definately a one time thing because if she really was changing or slipping away from you, she probably wouldn't have told you, let alone within only 30 minutes, because she would've been afraid you would find out, or waited until you found out. She was honest and you have nothing to worry about. It looks to me like you two have a healthy, long-lasting relationship. Good luck with your futures!
2006-07-09 07:30:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
My wife messed up like that once, and has been 4 years since she did it. We have three kids and has been hard for me to trust her. I trust her now but she had to earn that trust back. I didn't want to leave her and the kids but I didn't want to get hurt again. I think people learn from their mistakes, and once they know what is in Jeopardy, they wont make the same mistake. I think it was a one time thing and you two should be alright.
2006-07-09 07:34:26 · answer #6 · answered by Vaderdude 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are a phenomenal man, understanding and compassionate. Are you sure you don't want to dump her and marry me? I don't drink...or dance. smiling.
Seriously, you should continue on in this relationship. When we put ourselves in situations where massive amounts of alcohol are consumed, inhibitions and self-restraint are SO out the door. Stay in love, sugar.
2006-07-09 07:26:01 · answer #7 · answered by rrrevils 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yikes buddy, when people are drunk they let their true selves out. Even if she promises never to do it again, it is on her mind. This should be something the two of you should talk about and see if she really wants a marriage at this point in her life.
2006-07-09 07:26:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I hate cheaters but we all make mistakes once in a while. If she is not a big drinker that may have played a roll in the whole kissing thing. Good luck man....
2006-07-09 07:26:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
sucks to be you right now...dude you didn't get alittle wild in vegas, that's to bad...anyway atleast she was honest, keep an eye on her but get over it, unless that is you've had some doubts in the past if she was faithful, then we are back to it sucks to be you...good luck
2006-07-09 07:28:18 · answer #10 · answered by TONY B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋