I think I need a vacation. I am a young mother of three children. I am to the point I don't want to hear mommy

Question

I have a 6 year old son, and 4 and 2 year old daughters. I have stopped working and I am a stay at home mom. I think that I am to the point that I want to run away from home for at least a week. From my husband and children. I am to the point that I have been in the house in my room for almost a week now I don't want to get out of bed. I only feed the kids sometimes I don't feed myself cause I just don't feel like it. For the past couple of months I have gained weight I am just really unhappy. I want to go back to work but with my husbands hours and the cost of babysitting I really don't have a choice but to stay at home and I don't like it. Work to me was like my break away from the kids and my husband because it was time for me. I love my children and my husband but right now they are driving me CRAZY. I have felt this way for about a month now and I don't like feeling this way.

Can someone give me some tips on how to feel better in a situation like this. What should I do?

Answer 1

I went through the same thing years ago. I have 5 kids so what I had to finally do was get hubby to watch the kids for a day so I could have me time, a total break once a week until I could really feel better. I know its a while till they are all in school and when that time comes you'll feel like a new woman!!!!!! Until then, your man has got to give you a day or half a day a week at least. Do this for yourself you deserve and need it!! Good Luck and you'll feel better when you do-(no more escaping to bedroom-I did that too).

Answer 2

I feel your pain. As you may suspect, you seem depressed -- which would be a NORMAL reaction to your situation. It is easy to be depressed when you feel trapped. And it sounds like you feel trapped. Who wouldn't? It is not easy being the lackey to three kids under the age of 7.

Some things to consider:

* Talk to someone about your feelings -- maybe even a doctor or counselor.

* Consider getting a job on weekends or evenings so you have a chance to do something where your career can be the focus (it is nice to have somewhere you have to be, dressed and showered, too.) Even if you hand your paycheck to the babysitter, it will be worth it. Your sanity is worth a few bucks to you, your husband and your kids.

* Press the issue with your husband. It is important you have his support.

While "running away" by taking a vacation seems like a good idea (and what trapped person doesn't long to escape?), its more than likely that you'll come back to the same problem. It seems like you need a solution that is longer term. Sounds like you are ready to find a way to solve your situation. You can. Believe me.

Hope this helps. -- Nicole

Answer 3

You sound like you are depressed. That is not good. I would suggest talking to your doctor about it. I'm not saying you have to go on medication, but you do have classic signs. And they will only get worse if you don't deal with them.

That being said, you need some adult time away from your kids. There is nothing wrong with that. That doesn't mean you are a bad mother. Everyone needs that from time to time. You need activities/interests that are not tied to your children. Is there anything you really are interested in? Maybe your town has some classes or groups you could join. Even if it is for an hour a week--at least you are connecting with other adults on that level.

Have you talked to your husband about this? Illicit his support in giving you that time away--even if you have to have to pay a babysitter during the day--it is worth it in the end. Your sanity is important, just as much as your children. You aren't doing your children any favors by being unhappy in your current situation. You need to take care of yourself as well. If you can't take care of yourself, you inevitably won't be able to take care of your family, and that will be the biggest tragedy of them all. Good luck!

Answer 4

You need a break from the kids. Try to get your husband to watch the kids for a few hours a week. Maybe go have coffee with a friend, go to the library to read a book, go to a movie, etc. Just do something for yourself. I'm sure your husband will understand. If not tell him so he knows. Men can be dense sometimes about things like that.

I think that if you can, you can try to volunteer for some organization a few hours a week also. You just need to get out of the house and talk to a human being who is an adult!!

Answer 5

You are physically and emotionally drained. Most people can't comprehend what it's like to be "at work" 24 hours, 7 days a week! I know that I could never have been a stay-at-home mom. When my son was very young, I worked three days per week, and after three days home with him, I looked forward to going to work and being an adult. Prior to his dad an I splitting up, I went through a depression much like you, where besides getting up for work, I could barely drag myself out of bed.

The first thing you need to do is get some help for yourself. Express to your husband that while you appreciate that he works hard to support the family, he needs to contribute at home with the children. Even if he takes full responsibility of the kids for an hour after work, it gives you some quiet time where your brain can recharge. During that hour, you must not do any household chores, but spend the time on yourself - take a bath, do an exercise video, do some yoga or meditate, or even just taking a nap.

Try to network with other stay-at-home moms in the neighborhood; there may be a group already (search the web) or you could post an ad at the grocery store bulletin board, for example. Once you've gotten a certain degree of comfort with one another, you can arrange a rescue system, where if one of you gets down to her last nerve, she can make a call and one of the other moms will watch the kids for a little while. This will help yourself and other moms, and you will have someone to talk to who can really relate to what you are experiencing. Just having someone who can listen and understands can make a big difference.

Also, many stay-at-home moms have controlling personality tendencies, where they have to do everything themselves because otherwise it doesn't get done "the right way." You must learn to delegate responsibilities - including having the kids start some chores and clean up after themselves, and having dad contribute when he comes home from work. If you have relatives nearby, like the kids' grandparents, reach out to them of one afternoon every other week or so.

Another trait many Homemakers have is being a "people-pleaser" and not saying no when someone asks you to do something. If this is you, there is nothing wrong with saying, "I'm sorry, but with the three kids, I'm already stretched too thin." I can't imagine that nay person on the planet would not be able to understand that.

If you can afford it, go ahead and take a vacation! Even a day at a nearby spa can work wonders for you. Of course, a one-week retreat would be better, if you can swing it. But when you get back, remember to make time for yourself to recharge on a CONSISTENT basis.

You don't say what kind of work you did, or would like to do. Isn't it possible for your husband and you to work a staggered work schedule? For financial reasons, I was working full time, Monday to Friday, when my son was 3; and his father worked Tuesday to Saturday. This worked out well, because it was one day less of child care, plus my son had one day alone with each of us, and then we were all together on Sunday.

I hope you find a solution to the challenges you are facing. If at all possible, try to find a counselor that has evening or Saturday hours that you can see. You have already begun some self-destructive behaviors, and not only is it hurting you, it is harmful for the children as well. Good Luck!

Answer 6

girlfriend...i hear ya!!! i am a stay at home mom to 3 kids also (ages 6, 4 and 19 mths-2 boys and a baby girl)

i tell me husband that my next vacation i'm going awat BY MYSELF!! its always harder in the summer...once school starts again, it'll be easier. after the kids are in bed a couple of ice cold beers are always a nice way to unwind. have your husband watch the kids and take a girls day out...go to lunch with girlfriends or shop, get your hair done or a nice manicure or pedicure to treat yourself. hang in there!! it'll pass!


1 more thing you could do that helps me....get together with other moms. some of us had gotten together last week at the community pool for a potluck dinner. the kids could swim and the moms could talk and we were pretty much all feeling the same...kids were driving us crazy!!! its good to know that you're not alone! its a hardest job on earth, and we all DESERVE a break!!

Answer 7

.well i have a 8 yr old and a 6 yr both boys been a at home mom 9 years and only 27 OK! i feel ya i just went through the same thing . both of my kids have a.d.h.d and are all-ways loud and messy , and hyper . my husband really did not help me at all when i told him . his hours at work also stop me from working . i know it is hard so , isat down and said ok i need to make it through this stage in my life. sooooooooo my advice is get to a psychologist a.s.a.p . maby a little depression is there a a over all feeling sadness. hang in melds do help for this just throwing out the idea.

Answer 8

I think you really should go back to work. Even if your wages just cover the babysitting, it would be worth it to keep your sanity. You are going to have to do something soon. This is only going to get worse. I'm not saying you're a bad mother, this is perfectly natural. But you do need a break of some sort, and a job sounds like it may do the trick.

Answer 9

I hear ya!! I am also a stay at home mom of three ages(2yrs.,1yr and 3mths) I have started having those feelings myself. I just learned to call my mom and have her keep the kids once a week. I usually go to the park with a book, the library or shopping. Sometimes you just need to get away and let your mind drift. You can always go to the spa. Hope this helps

Answer 10

Don't "beat" yourself up for being human. What you're feeling is normal. You are exhausted, and somewhat depressed. You either take a "break" and come apart for a while, or you will simply, "come apart". Don't allow that to happen if you can prevent it. Ask for help! Parents, friends, husband, daycare, etc. I think you NEED to go back to work also....it's great therapy! Best to you!