Hubby in jail for "touching", told him I would stand by him no matter what, still plan to just not as wife, have been honest about BF relationship, but he is pulling away from me and our son. Says he's given up, has nothing left to come home to, even though we have been together for 18 yrs. Still love him, but cant deal with all the hurt and lies he told me. Says divorce is up to me, but I'm scared that if I do he will stay away from his son, too, and I dont think that is right. Son has been through enough with this whole thing. I dont want to hurt anyone, but I cant keep hurting either.
2006-07-09 05:58:56 · 43 answers · asked by Caspers Princess 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
u are hurting him more that way. get a divorce to clear ur thoughts then make up ur mind. ur son is old enough to understand
2006-07-09 06:01:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The kids are always the baton being passed around when it comes to relationship breakups. Still, they are hurt more when they can't control the anger, harshness between their parents, the things they have to hear & see that will always be remembered through out their young lives and maybe hender their grownup ones in having a relationship as well. Don't use the kids, they will get adapted if treated right during the process of growing up between parents who aren't together. Being loved and taken care of, has made the difference in how a child eventually deals with the whole process. You just make up your mind for the right reason on who you want in your life, because it can have an ever lasting effect on you too. We can only give opinions, which we don't know all the circumstances between the two men involved, you do.
2006-07-09 06:09:59 · answer #2 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband can be a wonderful father to your son regardless of if he is in the same house with the child or not. that is, if he wants to be. There are many fathers who are bad parents and they see their child every day. it's all in if he wants to do right by his child or not. I don't know what Your Husband "touched" but if he has "touched" You or your son in a harmful way then you already know you need to keep your distance from him. It is always not a good idea to start a new relationship while you are in a relationship because it only hurts all parties involved. so instead of you going through a crisis with your husband, now you have another person involved that didn't need to be included. Get a divorce and then have a boyfriend if it is over with your husband. if it is not over, Let the other man go.
2006-07-09 06:10:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be realistic about this. Your husband is not someone that has helped you so I would forget him. Have a talk with your boyfriend to see what he wants to do about the future. Does it include you? You need to know that also. It could be that he thinks you won't leave your husband and that you are safe to be around.
Guys are funny like that. Some don't want to make a committment so I would find out if he is serious about you. It's for your son & you. If the boyfriend does not want anything serious, leave. Get rid of the husband and start a new life with new people. That's better than staying around a "no future" life and not helping your child grow up in a healthy environment.
2006-07-09 06:05:50 · answer #4 · answered by fran c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His relationship with his son is separate from whatever is going on in your marriage or divorce (if that happens). You can't stick with something just in the hopes that he will not take it out on your son later. Yes, that may be painful if he does turn away from your son, but that will be his choice. The best thing you can do for your son is make conditions in your life so you are the most fulfilled and self-confident. A happy mommy is a loving mommy and you will be able to help him cope with whatever his father does in the long-run regarding their relationship. All the best to all of you.
2006-07-09 06:03:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're son is the unfortunate in this situation and not you. You seem to be thinking only of yourself and your take on the situation.
Get counseling!!!
Your misunderstanding of what your boy needs is destroying all of your relationships. Ask your son what he would like. Understand that his father is a sex offender and is not likely to change. Do not think for a minute that your boy's mental health has not been affected by this man. Why would you want to put him through more than that. You show poor decision making skills. GET COUNSELING!!!!
Ask your boyfreind for his input, it sounds like you have not given him a say, not that it is necessary for you, but I think he would feel better about the situation if he did have a say.
Your husband violated a basic human need...trust...what damage has been done??????
2006-07-09 06:13:55 · answer #6 · answered by lifeinquestion 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is using that given up thing to keep you hanging on if he is in jail for touching no 1. He has a problem No 2. He is going to need counsel ling No 3. Are you willing to get counseling with him. If he loves his son when he gets out he will see his son you need to be strong for you and your son and do whats right. You cant fall out of love overnight and you can be there for him but don't put your son and yourself somewhere you cant get out of in the long run and you will regret for the rest of your life!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOD LUCK
2006-07-09 06:06:25 · answer #7 · answered by ttsdschild 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These are two separate choices.
At present, It is simply a choice of what you should do regarding husband.
If you do decide to split with him, and it seems you already have, then the next decision will be his. So your decision, from reading your message, has already been made.
You now have to communicate that message properly to everyone involved.
Then your ex-husband will have a decision. It will be up to him to stay in contact, but you can continue to see him, or your son could continue to see him in jail in the meantime to provide support.
Whatever occurs, if you act honestly you are totally innocent in this, and your husband needs to work out his own demons.
Hopefully he will choose to have the support of his family. He is lucky to have it.
Thanks for question. I hope you and your son can make a good life for yourselves and still keep in contact with your ex. Jail will be difficult for him, so he will need your help, keep offering it as long as you can..
J
2006-07-09 06:09:30 · answer #8 · answered by Jeremy D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thts hard hun. but just do some real sould searching. you'll figure it out. talk to your husband about divorce. let him know that even if things go bad between yall there is still his son to think about, and make sure he remembers it. dont be afraid of divorce, it sounds like thats what this situation needs. as far as the bf thing you need to be careful about that. as you said hes been through enough (ur son) and this can be another potentially harmful situation. u need to talk all this over with your son, see how he feels
2006-07-09 06:10:00 · answer #9 · answered by rednecksurfer_roxy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what makes you truly happy, & if he has nothing to do with his son then that just shows what an even bigger low life he is especially when you said he was in jail for touching, I can only assume you are talking about a child, and that is the lowest. Good Luck.
2006-07-09 06:04:35 · answer #10 · answered by texasgal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since hubby is a sexual offender, maybe it's best for your son that you divorce him; especially if hubby will stay out of his life. Has your bf been good to you and your son? He might be the better father-figure.
2006-07-09 06:03:04 · answer #11 · answered by webfly2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋