Oh lord let me help you out. the way I was raised was if you are lucky enough to have a man that will work and you don't have to them by gosh you better keep that house clean and have his meal cooked for him when he gets home. I have raised 3 children and worked 2 jobs at times and my ex husband never came home to a dirty house and he always had a home cooked meal waiting for him. I would get up a 3:00am to fix his lunch and cook him breakfast. Raising kids is hard but life is hard and there is no reason in this world that she should not be able to keep that how clean exspecially when she don't work and you work such long hours. That sounds like she is lazy to a point or atleast to keeping the house clean. You have every right in this world to come home to a clean house you take care of her and the house and all the bills. It is great that she takes care of the children but she needs to take better care of you because one day you are going to get fed up with it and she will loose you and then what. A man can only take so much and with you working like you do you deserve to rest and be pampered once you step through that door and not have another job when you come home. You really need to talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel and that you are tired of it. See if she is willing to even try to help out because it is not fair and you are getting taken advange of. She knows if she don't do it then you will and she is being very selfish.
2006-07-09 05:32:05
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answer #1
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answered by aenease5974 2
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Well everyone here has a good point. I'm concerned for your wife though. Sometimes a new baby (especially when there is a toddler in the house) is alot to take and some women can breeze through it and others find it so overwhelming that they just can't manage to organize thier duties. If she is feeling overwhelmed, that is the reason why nothing is getting done. When I get overwhelmed, nothing gets done. But on the other hand, she still needs to do her part and let you relax during the week. So my suggestion is to bring it up and find out what is overwhelming her. It could be something small. For example, I hate the dishes, but if the dishes aren't done I have no motivation to clean the house. For me if the dishes are done and the kitchen is clean I turn into a cleaning machine. Then after you find out what is overwhelming her you can work out an arrangement. My husband works all week, midnight shift, and we have a 1 year old daughter. Now my house isn't white glove spotless, but it is clean and neat (although there seem to always be dishes in the sink!). I don't ask much of my husband during the week. Just baby stuff. Changing a diaper, feeding our daughter, small things like that. I know how hard he works and how he needs his time to relax and rejuvinate. BUT, on the weekends I always have one or two chores for him. Small ones. As long as I have his help, even if it is small, I am happy! Now some woman would disagree with me. Some women might think that the man should do more. This is just my way and every couple needs to come to an arrangement. Hope this wasn't just confusing. Hope it is helpful! Good luck!
2006-07-09 06:35:40
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answer #2
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answered by sammytoes 3
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i would sit and talk with her more about it. it sounds like she's using the baby as an excuse to not have to clean up. if you go into anyone's home that has children, it is a clean well kept home. irregardless of babies or children. so that can't be used as an excuse. i'm not trying to call her lazy. but something is going on why she feels unmotivated to do anything. no just for you, but for the health of the children the place should be kept clean. ask her why she feels so unmotivated, even when you help out. bring up how many other families keep the house clean even with new born children and other kids running around. tell her how frustrated you are that she doesn't appear that she is even trying. and that marriage and family is a partnership. she needs to start dedicating more time to the house, sinse she doesn't have a job and is at home with the children. i'm sure she can find at least an hour a day to clean up.
2006-07-09 05:20:05
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answer #3
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answered by Jody SweetG 5
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I agree with you, that you should be able to come home to a clean house. Yes, taking care of the kids takes work, but, managing the household should also be a part of that. It's very important from both a physical and mental hygiene standpoint.
The children deserve to have a clean environment. I presume we're not talking 'Martha Stewart' here; just a decent environment. It's very important for their health! Also, the habits that they pick up at home, will carry over into later life.
It's also important for your psychological well-being, to have a neat and clean environment. It can add to your overall stress, if you have to shuffle through stuff to get to some clean clothes, or to sit down on the couch, etc. After all, we're human beings, not pigs.
I think if you were to set aside a little time, and just sit down and talk with her (when she's not distracted by something else), that would be a good start. Please do not yell at her (she may have picked up bad habits from her folks) Perhaps, if your financial situation allows it, you could hire one of those maid services to come in every month, or every couple of weeks or so, until she's more accustomed to making a habit.
2006-07-09 05:28:33
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answer #4
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answered by Joya 5
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Yes bring it up! Get her from the "hygiene for the baby" if all else fails! Surely the kids sleep some times? I do my housework at all sorts of ridiculous hours, a bit here and a bit there. Sure with a young baby I don't get it all done, but I get some help from my older one by making it a game for her to put things away, then give her a treat or surprise when she does a good job!
You're a family and you all have to pitch in where you can. Perhaps you could offer to cut back your hours and get her into the workforce to make up for the lack of income, and you could spend more time at home looking after the children and doing the housework that might get her cleaning!
2006-07-09 05:34:48
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answer #5
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answered by Kat 2
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Make up a list with her help of what needs done. You need a list of daily things, and weekly things, and monthly things. Before you get comfortable for the night go over it with her. Be sure you notice things she does do, and praise,praise, praise. If a woman feels like the queen of the house she will do anything for her man. If it is too much for her then hire a high school girl to help for just a couple hours on Saturday. You also have to be willing to step in and give a helping hand. Put the dishes away for her, fold some laundry or vacuum for her. She will appreciate your effort and then it will come higher on her priorities. Let her know you love her, and give her lots of hugs and kisses. Twenty years from now when the kids are all grown, this won't matter anymore.
2006-07-09 05:21:23
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answer #6
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answered by dee r 2
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Dude, I feel for you but I was just like your wife or worse. I went to college and had three kids to come home too. But even when I was not in school I just wanted to kick back and enjoy the kids which means I would only do basic things when necessary. But why even try to keep a spotless house if the dam kids are just going to keep getting it all messy again. I don't have kids at home now and my house is clean.... So get rid of the kids if you want a clean house.
2006-07-09 05:40:02
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answer #7
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answered by florie 3
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Absolutely I think you are more than allowed to say something about it. Kids are a job yes, but since she is a stay at home mom, part of her job is to keep the house up. I am old fashioned, and if you are the only one working outside of the home, then she needs to pull her weight in other areas!
2006-07-09 05:34:59
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answer #8
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answered by ckmc 1
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Well, this come up alot in relationships that frineds tell me about. Has she always been this way?? How well do ya'll talk. I mean You need to bring it up if it bothers you. But you can expect her to be offended, simply because she will feel like your displeased with her. Try to stay way from things like "You dont.... you never"... accusing words. Try, "I need.... would you mind adding a couple thing to your busy schedule" But you haveto understand, if she's always been this way and you have put up with it up t this point, changing her is not goin to be easy. She's gotten use to her lack of responsibility to chores so dont expect her to take the change lightly. Good luck!
2006-07-09 05:22:28
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answer #9
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answered by Im just me 2
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I think you should bring it up to her. Yes having 2 kids is rough. But she needs to make an effort to keep the house at least picked up. Our house is a wreck but I work 48 hours a week and hubby works 40.
2006-07-09 05:16:09
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answer #10
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answered by PATTY H 4
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