Fell out of love with my husband because of him wanting other women, what do I do?

Question

I have been married for 9 years. My husband has partied for many years, leaving me and his kids behind. I have caught him is some very weird circumstances with one of my girlfriends/ employees, which he finally admitted to trying to pursue her. Says he was in lust w/ her. She also, married and says she didn't think anything of his flirting and so on. Longer story, but for now. I have slowly been falling out of love him and I don't even enjoy having sex with him at all. If I do give in he treats me like nothing for 3 days, then he's sweet as pie until the next time, then nothing again, gets old. He truelly looks so happy drinking and hanging out with his friends. he drinks swears and talks crap and seems truely happy, then when he is with me and our kids, he lays around and only participates if I complain until I am so fed up, then he kisses my butt. I do honestly think about what it would be like to meet someone that likes time with thier family and not always have to beg for i

We have went to counseling where the couseler called him selfish pig, but he kisses but and he makes a lot of money and my kids and I have everything. He shows love with material things and I like the material things but tell him that does not make up for love. Says he's been jealous of the love I give to the kids and the time I give them. He isn't a horrible guy I think he's a better person than he used to be, but he does everything now because he knows I have thoughts of leaving. I don't want to hurt him and I surely do not want to hurt my kids. But they also have listened to us fight forever. Always me fighting and him ignoring me. It doesn't help that I went with the kids camping last week for a couple days by myself and I didn't miss him or telling him what to do constantly. I have to tell him everything when it comes to the kids. He makes the worst discisions when it comes to them at times, so all I hear from him is "can I do this, is that alright, whatever you want".

Says he just had thoughts of sex with other women, didn't actually do it. To me I think I would have rather him just did it, then I would have just left him.

Discipline with the kids has always been an issue too, I have to yell and scream to get them to listen to me as he just sits there telling me how horrible of a mom I am if I work two days a week and am frustrated because it's almost 10pm and they still won't stay in bed, and he thinks it's okay because he's gone working all the time and that's his quality time with them. Although, I get to deal with the crying and crankiness the next day because they are over tired. It's a vicious battle and gets better whenever he knows I've had it. Kids really make it hard to leave. But I have told him that I don't want them growing up like us. I so hope for so much better for my 3 daughters and hope my 1 son will so much better of a husband. I have to emotional connection to my husband and he only wants a physical connection to me. Sucks to have to figure this out. The kids deserve a mom and dad, but not all the fighting and we show them no love in our life. We live together and get along.

Answer 1

Tell him you want to have sex with another man and then call me.

Answer 2

this is a sad situation and more so because he's not outright evil so it makes leaving him seem flippant, but you aren't happy and those are the facts. you have given him years to get his poop in a group and be the man he should be, if he wanted to be a party boy then he shouldn't have gotten married and had kids, the fact that he did should mean he's done with that, has grown up and wants to be a family man, he's trying to have his cake and eat it too but he's doing a really bad job on the family side of things.

life is too short and you only get one, do you really want to waste it waiting yet another 5 years for this guy to get it together and start treating you like he should? what could a person regret more than that at the end of their life? i think you should go, you tried counselling and he obviously doesn't want to participate enough to make any real changes, they are just temporary patches, once you stop talking about leaving he stops trying to do the right thing.

no reason to put up with that, i think 9 years is enough time to waste on someone that isn't even meeting you half way. so let him be mr happy alcoholic and die young of liver problems, while you move on and find a man that thinks having you to share his life with is what is really worth celebrating. the kids will be ok as long as you and he put their interests first, besides what do you want to teach them? they are learning by what they see what love and marriage look like, if you want your children to have better relationships than this when they grow up then you must lead by example and do better yourself. good luck to you.

Answer 3

It's the same story with a different family. You two have fallen apart and as long as alcohol is involved you dont have much chance at getting it all back. The sad part is that you are dependant on him and you have his children. You should try to make it work for the kids sake. After trying, then if you see it wont work then perhaps an open marriage may be an alternative. You two will still stay together for the family but will have permission to see other people. Then you can get sexual satisfaction and so can he. Once he knows that you are looking elsewhere for satisfaction he may start controlling himself on all levels and may shape up. Good luck

Answer 4

I am going thru some similar situation, therefore I may not be the right person to answer this, my husband is such a good man but he is very irresponsable, I would say he is settled for anything, not aspirations at all, no commitment, no involving with my kid dicipline, he is all about me, he wants me to be with him all the time, he want us to expend the money he makes in superficial things, not thinking about our kid shelter, education and anything else, I think that he just does not realize that he have a son who needs him more than I do. Bottom line, I separate from this man about one year ago, it is being hard but is possible to be by yourself, I am more stable now than ever, I know I do no have anybody to depend on and must important I know my son's welfare depends on me. Many times on life you need to make dificult decisions, you might think your kids need their father with them, but ask yourself if the kind of father is a good role model for your kids, something else by you separating from this man does not mean you taking your kids father away, a good daddy will always be on top of his kids no matter the situation. Get some counseling for your self, they will help you to put your ideas in place. It helped me a lot. Nobody can tell you what to do, but you can see your situation from an outsider point of view. Good luck.

Answer 5

I was recently in the same situation, but didn't get to the counselling stage cos he was at it again!

Just stop and think about yourself and the children. Are you prepared to live like this for the rest of your life? Is this a healthy family environment for your children to grow up in? Are these the moral standards that you want instilled into your children? Is it worth the heartache that you endure every day when you are with him? Could life be worse without him in it?

I made my decision 2 months ago and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. I'm not happy yet, but I'm working on it, but I'm not as miserable as I was.

Answer 6

Just got out of your exact situation a year ago this month. Stayed 31 yrs, and now it's going to be hard for me to start over and try to be happy after my divorce. Saying that, how long are you willing to give up for him and his fun in life. My ex is having health issues, truly unhappy, wants to come back, after I got tired and let go to the last young w____ he was giving all his time to. He didn't expect me to let go because I took the crap for so very, very, long. It takes you to decide to let go knowing that you've taken too long, and have tried all you could to save the relationship even through your unhappiness. The Bible only condone divorce when one party commits adultery, so think about this in detail, because it's not going to be an easy step to make if it comes to an end. Believe me, he's going to try everything in the book, crying, making lame promises, and making threats to try and prevent you from letting go. Just be sure this is what you want for you and your kids. My kids asked me why I didn't leave a long time ago, and my excuse was lame too. Good Luck!

Answer 7

have you talked to him about seeking family counseling? If he agrees to it, then great.. If not, I would seek some professional help for yourself to get some strength back within yourself so that you can be strong for the yourself and the children in case a divorce follows..
This question is totally one sided though, everybody has their own story to tell. I understand this is your perception, but what does he have to say about it all? Do you talk to him about how you feel? People usually get married because they are in love and most divorces can be avoided...This is why I say maybe you need professional Marriage/Family Therapist, because they can point you in the right direction..

Answer 8

Listen to yourself. You don't sound happy at all. Matter of fact you sound really miserable like you have been that way for a long time. Stress is bad for you! You can do without the unnecessary stress honey. How long to you plan on being with this man? he has told you that he has thought about being with another woman! how disrespectful is that? I hope andd pray that you get yourself out of this situation because it is unhealthy for your health. How many more years do you want to spend being unhappy. If you really feel that you can't be with him anymore then leave!

Answer 9

There are so many men out there who are willing to give you what you desire, an emotional bond, through communication, love, understanding, which includeds resepcting your feelings...

It doesnt sound like your husband would be easily replaced.. financially speaking... But if a deep committed, love with communication, respect and sensativity isimportant for you and yoru kids to have... I would consider getting a divorce.. which is another whole compicated issue...

are you ready for the long Journey?

Answer 10

I would sit down with him and discuss counseling marriage and family. and than if he says no than its over. but if he says yes than set it up an go .after a while if things don't get better its time to decide to go . you have to think about you and your kids welfare and happiness

Answer 11

A man has an obligation to take responsibility for the happiness of his wife and children.

I don't believe in divorce, but if he's cheating on you, there's no sin in leaving him.