should i stay?

Question

i was married for 5 years...i am psychologically battered. durin the first few months, my husband would not touch me..whenever i approach him, he'd say its not appropriate for a woman to do so..I never had a real hug or real kiss, he will just approach me whenever he wants sex and thats it...he asked me to quit my job after the marriage and now im totally dependent on him..he wouldnt want to seek counselling. he said if i leave the house im not gonna see my son again...i dont know what to do..pls help me...

Answer 1

I would get your ducks in a row so to speak, and leave, Unless you are from somewhere outside the USA you will get your son by law, Laws here favor the woman to get the kids. Good luck and becareful.

Answer 2

Whatever your husband's problem is, it doesn't matter. You need to leave, and you need to take your son with you. This is not a way to sustain a relationship, and from what you sound like, it really never was. There will be a bunch of people asking you if you didn't know that beforehand, don't listen to them either, because you are in that situation:

Call sistercare and see if you can seek shelter there. They will help you find an apartment, help you get back into the workforce, and help you with getting started. It might be inconvenient for a while, but it is not good to have your son exposed to this kind of thing. Children are sensitive, they know what is going on, even if we think they don't, and they can also sense if parents do not love each other....

If sister care does not work out, make yourself a good plan. For example, you could apply for jobs and to ensure that your husband does not find out, have calls and mail relayed to a friend or family member who is on your side...then go to your local housing authority and see to it if they would put you on the section 8 list. With section 8 you can pretty much move to anywhere in the United States, their housing vouchers are portable.

Then check for your local legal aid so that you can get legal assistance. Since you are not in no position to pay for an attorney you should be able to qualify for free assistance. Once you got that settled try to find a place to stay. In most states the husband has to pay you during legal separation. You With a status of legally separated will you qualify for medicaid, food stamps, and depending on where you live some financial assistance to pay the utilities.....don't be scared, go for it. You are not happy where you are, and furthermore, this is emotional abuse which quickly can lead to physical abuse. So anything is better then having to go on like that. Good Luck

Answer 3

oh goodness, you've got a real winner there. the threats are designed to make you stay, they are supposed to scare you so much that you are too paralyzes by fear to leave, because he knows nobody would just stay with him because thats where they wanted to be. THEY MEAN NOTHING!

he doesn't have the power to keep you from seeing your son ever again, in order to do that he would have to prove you an awful mother, and then he has to justify why, if you are such an awful mother, he left his son in your care alone everyday all day, if he does that it proves he is in fact an unfit father for knowingly leaving his son in such a bad situation everyday, then he loses the son, do you see what i'm saying? its not a fight he can win, so don't even worry about that, its a non issue!

however, this man could be dangerous, he is a serious control freak and abuser who could get out of hand so call a local domestic violence hotline NOW, or as soon as he isn't home. they will talk to you, they will help you understand what is up with him and they will help you make a plan for safely getting out of there when you are ready to go. they won't pressure you to do it, they will just talk to you.

in the meantime enter 'the cycle of violence' in any search engine and do some reading on this guy and what is happening to you on your own. you have to get out and you can do it but please get the help of people who deal with these guys so you can do it safely, they can also give you a place to go and help you get on your feet once you are gone. GOOD LUCK TO YOU!

Answer 4

You were married for 5 years and he is still not trying to see you half way, he just married you to control you maybe he had it hard as a child and was the one that was being controlled, unless he opens up and let you into what is going on in his life there is no use for the two of you to be together and if you dont get help the cycle will continue and your son will be the one that will feel the fire so if you dont get help and get out for you get help and get out for your son. This is beyond just the sex he has a control problem.

Answer 5

GIRL YOU HAVE GOT TO LEAVE HIM! I see a big pattern of control here. The first evidence of control was when he told you to quit your job. BIG mistake! Now, you can't make any decisions about nothing in the house or in your relationship, because you have no income. The second mistake was letting him tell you that it is not appropriate for a woman to approach a man when she needs affection. If that is the case, then how do you show your love, by being sumissive to him. I DON'T THINK SO! now you guys have sex only when he thinks it is the appropriate time. GET REAL! The third evidence of him controlling you is when you let him threaten to take your child away. I MEAN BE A REAL WOMAN! DON'T LET HIM DO THAT TO YOU. TAKE HIS *** TO COURT IF YOU HAVE TO. Get your child and get out of there. Kids can sense when their parents are unhappy, so don't force your child to go through that. i know this is easily said than done, but you have too try for your child at least. Don't let him control you. PLEASE GET HELP NOW. TALK TO THE POLICE, A LAWYER, A FRIEND , RELATIVE , AND YOUR PASTOR, BUT PLEASE GET HELP. YOU ARE DIFFERENT FROM ME, GIRL, BECAUSE INSTEAD OF TALKING TO US ABOUT THE SITUATION, I WOULD HAVE BEEN TAKING IT TO HIS ***! **** HIM! GET THAT SORRY EXCUSE FOR A MAN OUT OF YOUR LIFE! GOOD LUCK!

Answer 6

Yes you are abused. You need to plan your escape, don't just leave. First you need to find where you can go to live. Look up battered women's shelters and go see them to know for sure where you will be going when you leave. Next, find out what is required to file a restraining order on him. He will come looking for you, so be prepared to file the restraining order when you leave. Don't wait til he comes to find you to do it. Also lots of Battered womens shelters won't let you in until you have filed the restraining order. Next, before you leave, start moving his money from his accounts to a new one that you set up for you. Don't take alot, just take a little bit at a time, then when you have money built up, get ready to set your plan into action. You need to have money available. Don't tell the battered womens shelter how much you have, keep that information to yourself. After you have all the information and money ready, then plan your escape. Don't tell you children that you will be leaving, just take them when the time is right. You don't want them to accidently tell their dad that you are planning to leave. When the day comes, leave. Turn off your cell phone, don't call him or the house. Just disappear. The battered womens shelter will have lots of good information to help you plan this event. You need to go through with it. Good luck

Answer 7

My husband used to be the same way . If you are both really young it might pass.....or it might not. People usually do not change. Since its been 5 years you should probably not be with him anymore. Go to a group called Women in Need. They will help you find an attorney for free. It should be in your phone book. They help tons of people all of the time. They help you find a house , job , food , clothing and everything ! This is not a loving environment for your son. He really needs to see people being affectionate toward one another. Good luck !

Answer 8

Call the police, not 911, your local police number what you husband is doing is abuse and he is holding you against your will while endangering the wealfare of a child. This is a serious matter that should not be taken lightly. Call the police, tell them where your husband is at the time of your call, where he works, and your address so that they can find him. What he is doing to you is abuse, sexually and verbally. If you do what I told you, you will be okay and your husband will be locked up. Good luck to you and I hope that everything is okay, you may email me at [e-mail] if you need any more help or just need to talk about it. I hope all ends well.

Answer 9

Take your son with you and go to a battered women's shelter, the ones that are concealed. Start looking for a good job to support the two of you now so that you can get out and also get a good lawyer so that you can get custody of your son. He can't do that to you! Good for you for trying, just be assertive and do what you know you can do, which is get away from this loser.

Answer 10

In every city there is a battered woman's shelter that helps women exactly like you. He is controlling you so the fear of leaving is too real - but fortunately for you there is a way out - with help - from shelters set up just for that reason! Call one - and run!