I have been married 17 years and have 2 children.
I found out last week about an affair my wife had that began about 8 years ago and lasted about a year. I asked her and she admitted it to me. It all began on a 'girl's weekend' and continued during subsequent girl's weekends. I knew that something was going on at the time but accepted her explanations and denials.
We separated 5 years ago and got back together after a year. She knows I dated while we were separated. She told me that she did not date.
I found out about her affair on a Friday (a week ago) and was extremely hurt. The following Monday she asked me if she could go on a girl's weekend with the two girls that she went with when her affair started. I told her that I didn't think it was appropriate because they OBVIOUSLY accepted her behavior [affair] as they were there when it began and while it continued. One of the other girls is divorced and now living with a guy she met on one of the same "girl's weekends."
2006-07-09 03:06:17 · 20 answers · asked by intheholycity 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
the fact that she did not give you this information, that you had to be the one to bring it up and ask her says a lot. i'm with you on this one. i wouldn't feel comfortable with it. although it was a long time ago, and i'm sure she feels remorse and probably won't do it again, she still needs to regain your trust. asking to go away with the same women when the incident occured i think is just wrong. sounds like maybe she is trying to play it down b/c it was 8 years ago.
2006-07-09 03:13:09 · answer #1 · answered by origchick 5 · 9⤊ 3⤋
Boy, that is a tough one. i have been in a similar situation. If it were me I would invite her to go on a "special weekend" with you instead, along with the understanding that you are honest and forthcoming about your issues.If she says yes then drop the whole thing about the affair and give her a really special weekend, if she says no and starts a fight over the issue there is probably something going on, either way she has to make the decision for herself. You might want to reevaluate your relationship at that point. love can be so uplifting, and also sad... good luck...
2006-07-09 10:21:02 · answer #2 · answered by G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stopping a girl's weekend is not going to stop an affair, you will just have to trust that she will be faithful, I know you would rather say no you can't go but it will only hold back you and her relationship. Just deal with it as it comes and that is all you can really do. Good luck.
2006-07-09 10:13:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you found out from somebody else, it shows she's not going to be honest. This is now going to be a bad habit she'll keep up. She's done it for 12 months. If she felt guilty about it, which she should, she would've stopped after the first time. I think it's disgusting.
Wouldn't trust her.
Go on a fellas w/end away mate. You deserve it! ;o)
2006-07-09 10:20:03 · answer #4 · answered by montanasamra 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there. My ex-husband cheated all the time. For me it was a trust issue and since you just found out a week ago, I don't see how you can trust her. She needs to earn that back before she can expect anything from you.
2006-07-09 10:30:16 · answer #5 · answered by Boose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't believe she is doing this to you. How selfish can she be. Are you sure her affiar is over? I am a woman who is guilty of being unfaithful to boyfriends, but never my husband, and yes i have friends who lied and covered for me, and i don't think that she is being honest with you, i would let her go and follow her, then if you catch her cheating you know that she is not the one for you and you can kick her out.
2006-07-09 10:24:21 · answer #6 · answered by Amy M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
instead of a simple no or yes why dont you take her somewhere special on the weekend. tell her that you had plans for the two of you and you worked really hard making the arrangements.
who knows it might strengthen your relationship and you might get a little lucky.
2006-07-09 10:49:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just remember what goes around comes around , also you dated when you were separated , there is something missing in your marriage , maybe communication, love,maybe she is bored with you, maybe its her , you just have to let her go or else she will hate you , you just got back together , invite you self along for the ride lets see how she reacts, then you will know , best of luck to you and your wife......
2006-07-09 10:45:38 · answer #8 · answered by E.M. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cut the drama, quit being P.W. and make a stand! The trust is GONE in the relationship. She didn't "fess up" to save the relationship, she did it to FEEL BETTER!!!! She handed you HER misery! Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? Justification, rationalization, minimization and on, and on........... And now she wants you to condone it cause you feel guilty for "dating". counseling or dump the ......
2006-07-09 10:22:35 · answer #9 · answered by stratman16365 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your feelings are justified.. No. Remember these are the same girls as before who condone her behavior. So it could easily happen again.
2006-07-09 10:23:21 · answer #10 · answered by vhat40 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋