Everyafter hurting me emotionally and/or physically, he would come to me sweetly, a non-ending cycle of asking for sorries and then later on hurt me again, sorries then hurt, then sorries, then hurt. Please help, i'm desperate, what's more, his relatives won't believe that their brother/cousing can really do that. And on circumstances that we would discuss/argue on things related to our family, he believes and goes with his relatives rather than me and our own family, eventhough he knows that I am right/on the right way. Afraid of leaving him for I'm thinking about our 4 kids, that It would be more painful to them. Crying alone is a way of letting enourmous pain out of my chest. Please help, an advice would be very helpful. Thank you very much.
2006-07-09 00:08:06 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
i know of your loyalness and love for him. But he not only had hurt you emotionally ,he hurt you physically too. This is bad for you. I know you worry bout the well being of your kids if you were to leave him. However ,have you ever wondered how much more hurt he could do to you?
Emotional abuse is alone hurtful,whatmore the beatings and all.
Don't put yourself in this sorry situation any longer.You've got to react quickly. Address this matter to your husband ,telling him how much you have suffered from his abusive attitude.Do ask him if he is under some kind of stress and needs help.
If he responses well by telling you how much he too wants to change his bad attitude and need help,then you both should seek the counselor or mediator.He/She would be able to help you and your husband deal with this issue.Normally,there'll be programs that both of you would need to attend individually.
However,if he could not accept the fact that you are trying to help him change.Then I suggest you take your children away to stay with your parents for the time being while you seek help. Remember running away doesnt mean you are going to leave him for good.But its for you and your children's safety. While away from him,seek a counselor too.Talk bout your problems and dilemmas.
That way you would not have to pent evrything up to yourself.Bottling things up can be bad for your health on the long run.
Well if you do not want to do either of the above mentioned advices,ask yourself how much longer can you carry on trying to withold your marriage. Its never worth the wait if your partner does not acknowledge his abusiveness towards you. You cant change him but you certainly can help him change.
I wish you all the very best in handling your marital problems. Only you can help yourself getting out of this rut and that is to take actions quickly.
Be strong,I 'm sure you are.. :)
2006-07-09 00:35:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in the right place mentally to move onto the next stage to woo your wife :o) Nows the part where you take action! Tell her you are very serious about having a loving and affectionate marriage. Tell her you want both of you to enroll with a counselor and work through all the stuff that has happened. Now start treating her affectionately. Tell her you love her often, tell her she looks so beautiful. Tell her that you think her quirky behavior is so cute when she does it. Stroke her hair, her back, run your fingers over her arms softly during a movie. It's the small things that all add up and show her throughout the day how much you really do appreciate her. Take her out to nice dinner, then dancing! (if you can dance with your health condition). Go do fun stuff, go fly a kite together, get ice cream together as a treat etc. you see where I am going with this.
2016-03-26 22:27:11 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My answer is not statistically valid - just my own opinions from my own experiences. I was in a very similar situation - with a 5 year history of unhappy marriage from a total of nearly 9 years of marriage and 11 years together.
I left my husband on valentines day last year (ouch - I know that's bad!) and initially left my two children with him because I thought I would only be away for two weeks to 'think' and get some space. Unfortunately he gave me no space, I would regularly be stuck on the phone with him for hours at a time.
I believe strongly both as a mother who has now left her husband (and infact got divorced this March) and as a child of divorced parents (mine split when I was 12) - that the most important thing for the children is that your parents are happy and stable.
You are not happy or stable.
You will be a much better mother once you can get off the emotional rollercoaster that is your life right now. Your husband will be fine on his own given time - and your children will ultimately be better off too.
We made a rule that we would call each night at 6.30pm to say good night to the children at whoever's house they were sleeping the night (we shared them one week on, one week off so that they still had max. time with each of us) - so the children felt the minimum wrench because of the family split.
Both my young children (now aged 6 and 4) have adapted well to the split. Yes there were lots of questions, and still are some occassionally. Yes there have been lots of tears. Yes there has been disruption, lack of understanding, bemuzement etc - but they have adapted and the pain has receeded. My daughter (6) still wishes we were together, and I do too to a certain degree - but I hug her and tell her that it just doesn't work with us anymore, but that we love her and are very proud of her.
You certainly cannot continue to live the way you are, and it also helps to teach your children that that kind of relationship is good or desired. That is not a lesson to teach your children - be proud of yourself, hold your head high - and make a choice to live your life the way that will keep you happy. If you cannot change your life the way it is, you should change the dynamics.
2006-07-09 00:21:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
man I feel ya...I really do. I don't have any suggestions, but I'll tell you your not alone. I'm one of the women who have been emotionally, mentally, verbally and physically hurt by my bf. He's promised he'll change and I stay longer. Than things start to fall and I start to pack, he than starts saying he's sorry and he'll change...DO you REALLY BELIEVE IT? Look deep down inside yourself and ask....if your afraid, than its time to leave. Don't wait. I've gotten to that point...but than I started to defend myself. I have 3 kids, 2 from a previous...I made him leave. I feel its late to leave, but he also has changed a lot. He don't verbally, physically, or mentally hurt me anymore. But unfortunatly I'm still hurt emotionally. Its a never ending process...he's hurt me for so long that I"m afraid that he's gonna do it again. I don't want to leave because I do love him and I have hope our relationship will be better. But in your situation....I'd leave. Please becareful. You don't need to feel alone, Trust me I feel alone too at times...but maybe its best to just leave, make sure you get some counseling, they do help. And its not there is anything wrong with you. It's just to make sure you can bring your self spirits back up. You are very brave right now. Stick with it. I'll be praying for you!
2006-07-22 05:16:51 · answer #4 · answered by missbehave252002 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have family members who can help you? You need to leave that situation. It will be hard to start over but I am sure it is far better than getting beaten and/or humiliated. The kids will be okay because it is not in their best interest to see their mother hurt constantly. It builds a false standard for the girls and boys as to relationships. They will remember their mother standing up for herself and not accepting the bull crap. Good luck and God Bless.
2006-07-09 00:38:00 · answer #5 · answered by D baby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is absolutely not excuse for him hurting you in anyway. his sorry's mean nothing, he will always do it again. get a divorce and take the kids. seeing their mother abuse will hurt them more then not having their parents married. your children will learn that it is ok to abuse and probably abuse their spouse later in life. also, you are risking him turning on your children also. he may end up physically and emotionally abusing them. you are not only letting yourself down by staying with him but you are letting your kids down. get out asap!
2006-07-21 07:14:17 · answer #6 · answered by twillette15 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well he obviously dosen't love you at all if he keeps hurting you. my advice would be to leave him and take your 4 kids with you cuz you dont want to live like that for the rest of your life and you dont want your kids to grow up around that kind of enviorment. i hope i was of some help take care
2006-07-09 00:27:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometime,we women think , when a men hurt a women emotioally & physically is love,but is not,try to be strong .
Love your self first before other can love u.
2006-07-09 00:15:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have been in abusive relationships before,it's my beleif that anyone that can speak to another human being the way your husband is speaking to you does not truly love you.i have a poem hanging in my bathroom i found that describes what love is .i read it daily hoping i to will find the one person to truly show me what love is.i wish you all the best .i hope you find true love one day.you deserve it.
2006-07-09 00:17:57 · answer #9 · answered by Deborah M. L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadist!If you believe that she loves you,be patient forever!
2006-07-09 00:10:06 · answer #10 · answered by tutax 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋