I lack in confidence. Can anyone help?

Question

I lack in confidence to be assertive and to stand my ground with other people who are bossy and two-faced therefore it's made me a bit of a target for people using me- with the lack of confidence I've got; i find it hard to say 'no' when people ask if they want to root through my personal belongings like private text messages just because of the fear that I'll be bullied like I was at school . Can anyone give me suggestions to make me less of a push over and to help me enjoy the times when i help out with the horses? My mum suggested avoiding the two girls who are nasty to/about me and also locking my tack box and riding bag up (because some of the girls have the cheek to look through other peoples stuff) which I will put into practice next time I go to the stables

Answer 1

You think you lack confidence.
Confidence is a word; nothing more.

Answer 2

There is nothing wrong with being a shy and gentle person.
Bullies are usually cowards and inadequate people who take their sh!t out on other people. Just stay out of their way as much as possible, but, if you can't and they pick on you, then don't take it personally. They are not picking on you because there is something wrong with you, they are picking on you because there is something wrong with them.
But, if you want to build your physical confidence and learn how to defend youself then there is no better way than by learning a martial art. There are many self-defence classes specifically for women and instructors in these classes are used to teaching people who lack physical confidence and are not naturally aggressive.
Learning a martial art is not about learning how to hurt people. It is about learning how to use your own strength to protect yourself and physically present yourself in a way that stops people seeing you and treating you as an easy target...
But, if you don't like the sound of martial arts, then there are assertiveness training classes that can help you assert yourself without internalising it or getting aggressive...

Answer 3

I know that when I was depressed and before I found out I had an anxiety disorder I was much more of a push over. I still tend to let people do it but not nearly as much. If someone is mean to me though I have a tendency to be mean back now. I don't know if you have an anxiety issue or if its just low self esteem. Try to find out the cause and then work to correct it.

Answer 4

You must try to believe in your worth as a unique human being.

If you say 'no' to someone you will often have to say it 2, 3 or more times, until they give up. You can use more or less the same words each time. This is called the 'broken record' technique.

Endless practise at assertiveness seems to help.

That has been my experience so far.

Answer 5

i have the same problem because i have a special educational needs brother and embarrases me its probaly u r under alot of pressure and that u have health problems which can also make you lack confidence u probably need to change lifestyle or something wear nice clothes and have a laugh with someone its when u lack confidence its strenghth it means that u a more capable of things on ur own and don't need anyone to make u happy and a lot of friends is a weekness it means that u r not capable of things on ur own its because u have stength and used to doing things on ur own don't worry having some friends and being on ur own should be ok and shows that u can promise yourself things and a good future and u r very strong well done!

Answer 6

I believe thats called shyness. but I know what you mean with the people wanting to look through your stuff! kids do it all the time at my school, and when I say no, they do it anyways. its like they think its a right of passage or something. what your mom said is right. just avoid them. you should be fine. if that doesnt work, then write them a note or something. It will help you express your feelings without messing up or sounding too terribly mean.

Answer 7

you are not week your strength is just a little bit deeper buried than others just practice at home saying no to them and dont be afraid of bullies they are a lot weeker than you that is why they bully it makes them feel better about themselves so just no my things are private and i would like to keep it that way but just be strong you can do it it is in side you your a good person and should not except this kind of behaviour good luck with the horses and riding

Answer 8

You need to take a course in Assertion Training. That will help you learn to stand up for yourself and not be bullied. Check your local community college for a course.

Answer 9

hi being bullied has many meanings if you want it to be that way but you know you have an inner strength and just stand up for yourself and be proud make sure the backbone your parents gave you works so keep it strong and stand up for what you beleive in not what others tell you

Answer 10

u must understand , u r the master or your soul, u can control what ever you want to do. when someone peek at handphone u have the right to say no, if they force it , u force to take their handphone. u have protect yourself from being hurt. if u keep quiet , they will bully u even wrost. remember , be strong no matter how wrost the circumtances be. u and them r human.
theree is no different between u n them.

Answer 11

Being a pushover brings out the worst in people....They are mean to you because you let them..BE MEAN BACK!! For example: Push on of them off the horse, lock one of them in a horse stall...They will know you mean business then.