can i forgive someone who has wronged me, when no appology has been given?

Question

may 4 2001 my wife left.i have never been the same. the two most important people in my life are gone. five years later i am still left with the questions. By no means was i an angel in our relationship, i said things that should have never been spoken. i did things that were not very loving. (i never physically harmed her ,nor cheated on her)...this woman was my princess. i have not been able to view any attractive lady without comparing her to "her", i have been told to forgive her and move on....

Answer 1

From the sounds of your letter, you were no angel so what makes you think you deserve an appology?...Unless there is a heart felt appology they're worthless anyway...Five years is too long to hold on to a memory..Get your mind set to forgive and forget, no appology needed...

Answer 2

The answer is yes!
It's simple but we make it hard because of what it represents to us. It means letting go!
By not beginning the process of healing, you will become stuck and it will effect your life greatly and for the rest of it as well.
John Gray has a book out that explores this very thing--please do yourself a favor and pick it up and read it. It will help you change your life!!!
Best wishes for you on your healing journey!

Answer 3

I am so sorry my man. I know how you feel; I know how you hurt; and I know all to well the misery you have been/are still going through.

It is so easy for people to say "just get over it, move on, forget her, life is short, etc." Those words of encouragement are so unfortunate on 2 fronts: #1 it's just not that easy, right? Plus, when people say that it's like they don't sympathize with your situation, understand and are even, in some way, putting you down and making you feel worse like you are weak because you cant just get over it. #2 You know what they are saying is true; You want to and slowly but surely are, but you don't know, in your mind, if you will ever fully get over it, right?

Man, and all other dudes whose wives leave them do it to so don't feel bad, you are blaming yourself for what she did. Just like the rest, you have beat yourself to death inside, and it sounds like you still are, examing every mistake you possibly made; what you could/should have done different; and so forth. Once again, easier said than done, but you gotta quit doing that. There are always things spouses could have/should have done better, but that is no excuse to leave.

The "apology" thing is tough. The girl that you trusted your heart and soul to; The girl that you never imagined your future without; The girl that loved you like you had never loved before hurt you worse than anyone can even imagine. A guy would think that the least she could do is apologize, right? Unfortunately, it is probably never going to happen for many reasons. First, aplogizing, in some way, would mean that she was admitting fault. Have you ever met anyone that wanted to accept fault for something as horrible as divorce? Next, it, I assume, would be very emotional for her. I say, "I assume," because exwives emotions seem so unnatural...so, who knows? Finally, I have to believe in order for her to justify leaving you, breaking up her family, and every other miserable thing she did, she had to brainwash herself in to believing it was not her fault, she was justified and its not that bad, right? Finally, an apology would be logical. Is anything else she has done, regarding you, been logical?...something to think about.

Man, I don't know if you have to forgive her or not. However, I do think you should try to accept that everything happens for a reason. I know there seems to be no logical reason for the pain she has caused you. I don't even know if that is true, but it sure makes coping with it easier.

It is only natural to compare and contract characteristics of new partners with past ones. Now, if you are using your exwife's characteristics to justify why all new potential partners are not good enough, then you are making a mistake and need to change your outlook.

Can you forgive her? I don't know, that is up to you. You gotta decide if you need to or not. The questions you are left with...you probably don't want the real answers to anyway, honestly.

As far as "moving on" goes, I guess that is different for everyone. Some dudes jump right into another marriage; some dudes never get married again; some dudes dive in to work and hobbies full-time and just pick up ladies for short-term companionship, and so forth.

You have to judge each and every potential female companion on an individual basis. No other woman is going to be exactly like your exwife. You learned alot of good and bad about yourself, how to treat people, behaviors, etc. from your relationship with your exwife. You are a better man because of it.

Finally, and this is the biggest downer of my post and I hope I am wrong, there isn't a potential partner that will ever be able to hurt you like your exwife did. Why?, because you will probably never give up your entire heart and soul to another woman. You will never blindly trust that any woman won't destroy you again. The feelings will never be as blindly deep. The good news is that it can still be wonderful, fulfilling, exciting and enjoyable. The even better news is that no one will ever be able to hurt you like this again.

Stay Up Playa!
Get out there and find a female friend and have fun, who cares where it goes!

Answer 4

yes- you need to forgive her, so you can move on. you need to get mind over matter and focus on yourself. you will never get anywhere comparing other woman to "her". why would you want another woman like her in the first place? there is someone out there for you. try to forget about your past and focus on your future. life is short! best wishes!!

Answer 5

You have a hurt that is deep, you may never be able to forgive her. It will fad with time. She may think you need to appology. you have to open your eyes wide open and look at it from her perspective.

Answer 6

How To Forgive
>
> One day a while back, a man, his heart heavy with grief, was
>walking in the woods. As he thought about his life this day, he knew many
>things were not right. He thought about those who had lied about him back
>when he had a job.
>
> His thoughts turned to those who had stolen his things and
>cheated him.
>
> He remembered family that had passed on. His mind turned to
>the illness he had that no one could cure. His very soul was filled with
>anger, resentment and frustration.

> Standing there this day, searching for answers he could not
>find, knowing all else had failed him, he knelt at the base of an old oak
>tree to seek the one he knew would always be there. And with tears! in his
>eyes, he prayed:
>
> "Lord,
>
> You have done wonderful things for me in this life. You have
>told me to do many things for you, and I happily obeyed. Today, you have
>told me to forgive. I am sad, Lord, because I cannot. I don't know how.
>It is not fair Lord. I didn't deserve these wrongs that were done against
>me and I shouldn't have to forgive As perfect as your way is Lord, this
>one thing I cannot do, for I don't know how to forgive. My anger is so
>deep Lord, I fear I may not hear you, but I pray that you teach me to do
>this one thing I cannot do - Teach me To Forgive."
>
> As he knelt there in the quiet shade of that old oak tree, he
>felt something fall onto his shoulder. He opened his eyes. Out of the
>corner of one eye, he saw something red on his shirt.
>
> He could not turn to see what it was because where the oak
>tree had been was a large square piece of wood in the ground. He raised
>his head and saw two feet held to the wood with a large spike through them.
>
> He raised his head more, and tears came to his eyes as he saw
>Jesus hanging on a cross. He saw spikes in His hands, a gash in His side,
>a torn and battered body, deep thorns sunk into His head. Finally he saw
>the suffering and pain on His precious face. As their eyes met, the man's
>tears turned to sobbing, and Jesus began to speak..
>
> "Have you ever told a lie?" He asked.
>
> The man answered, "Yes, Lord."
>
> "Have you ever been given too much change and kept it?"
>
> The man answered, "Yes. Lord." And the man sobbed more and
>more.
>
>! "Have you ever taken something from work that wasn't yours?"
>Jesus asked.
>
> And the man answered, "Yes, Lord."
>
> "Have you ever sworn, using my Father's name in vain?"
>
> The man, crying now, answered, "Yes, Lord."
>
> As Jesus asked many more times, "Have you ever . . .?" the
>man's crying became uncontrollable, for he could only answer, "Yes, Lord."
>
> Then Jesus turned His head from one side to the other, and the
>man felt something fall on his other shoulder. He looked and saw that it
>was the blood of Jesus. When he looked back up, his eyes met those of
>Jesus, and there was a look of love the man had never seen or known before.
>
> Jesus said, "I didn't deserve this either, but I forgive you."
>
> It may be hard t! o see h ow you're going to get through
>something, but when you look back in life, you realize how true this
>statement is.
>
> Read the following first line slowly and let it sink in.
>
> If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it.
> Lord I love You and I need You,
> come into my heart, today.
> For without You I can do nothing.

Answer 7

Dude. Life is short. Move on. If she wants nothing to do with you after 5 years , waste no more time. If you move on you may in time find someone you can love, if you don't move on you will be alone forever. choose to be happy please.