How do i get over being Raped as a child and How can i forgive my mother for never believing me?

Question

My sister's and brothers dad did it.My sisters remember my brother was to small when I told my mother she told me I was lieing my sisters were watching the hole time and they have told her its been 16 yrs and I still cope with it all the time.I'v been to canceling and it does not help. I have flash backs and I have anger that I dont know what to do with.She would beat me and my sister for it when we were younger for saying that it happend and it did.What can I do?

Answer 1

You need to find a way to let the past go...i feel for you, this must have been very traumatic for you...try another counselor or a psychiatrist...did you have the monster arrested, if not turn him inn, because you are only one of many victims...he needs to pay for his actions and by turning him inn you might get closure and finally learn how to deal with your problems...set goals and write them down and strive for the best!!!

Answer 2

Well honey, do you really think you can "get over" being molested or raped as a child?
Instead, try focusing on how you can LEARN techniques and develop skills needed to manage the issues and feelings that manifest from such trauma. And yes, I said trauma. An event such as yours has many similarities to a 'condition' known as Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. A term used to describe the postponed reaction to a traumatic event and in which the reaction(s) are intermittently forthcoming over a long period of time - usually years. And yes, I said years. The healing process can be painstakingly slow. However with diligence and time you can steadily overcome. Ultimately, you will find yourself larger than the experience instead of the experience feeling larger than you!
Anyway, other resources to consider include on-line support groups, volunteer work (child advocacy, public awareness, predator awareness, etc.), a supportive mate/friend or anything positive that feels healing to YOU.
Now, you need to forgive your mother - for your own good. She obviously didn't know what to do or how to cope. A lot of people don't. So work on yourself now and you'll be a much greater asset to others when the time comes.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Hon' it is common for the mother to take the boys side to these situations. My stepmother thought I was a whore, when my brother molested me. She even saw it one time, but she didn't do anything to him and hit me. I don't know why she felt this way about me. Before she died of cancer, I asked her why she never stood up for me when I was being molested, she couldn't respond. I had to forgive her for my own sake. I had to move on. When she died, I realized that I have to take those experiences and suppress them by immersing in my career, family etc... It has been a difficult road, but it is attainable. You can make it right, don't let the past be a stumbling block of what you can realize for YOURSELF in the future.
You do need to confront the situation and let her know how you feel, then let it go.

Answer 4

I was molested for about 13-14 years as a child, then raped at 18. I know some of the feelings and anger you are going thru. The thing with my mom is she HAD to have known what was going on--it was being done right under her nose, right in front of her, basically. I only found out recently (in the past year) that she must have known so I am still dealing with the fact that she didn't do anything even though she knew.

As for the rest of it, I went thru counseling for many years and was also on anti depressants for many years. During the counseling, I had to work hard, tell the therapists everything, etc. If you aren't willing to tell everything, be honest with the counselor, and do any work that they think you need to do, then you won't be able to get past it. It can take many years of counseling. It won't all happen overnight, or in a couple of months. It can take years!!

I also got books about being molested and how to 'heal' from it. One of them I really like is The Courage To Heal and the workbook that goes along with the book. They may have it at the local library if you can't afford to get one. There are also other books and workbooks on it. My favorite author for this subject is Melodie Beatty. She is awesome!! I suggest you use books and counseling together. But, once again, the same goes for books as it does for counseling, you MUST do the work to be able to get past it or heal.

Your anger will subside in time. It will take lots and lots of work and time, tho. As for forgiving your mom, that may take a long time too. But, if you don't forgive her, then you will have even more anger. It takes more out of a person to be angry at someone than it does to forgive, even tho it is harder to be able to forgive. A counselor can help you to figure this out. You will be able to do this in your own time.

Please don't give up on counseling. It works if you are willing to work at it and let it work. You need to make sure that you have a counselor that specilizes in adults molested as children. Oh, and I think that a special group for adults molested as children might help too. You would find others who have been molested, get ways to help you go thru this, and find that you aren't alone and don't have to go thru it alone. I found a group for this thru my local women's shelter. Also ask your counselor if she knows about any groups. Also ask the counselor if she recommends any certain books for you to read and work with. For me, workbooks work best as they get me to do the work and think about everything.

Good luck. I hope that this helps. You can e-mail me, if you want, to vent or talk about this. My e-mail is: [e-mail].

Answer 5

My heart hurts for you. The hardest part seems to be when no one believes you. I've met several women in your shoes - women who were raped and no one believed them. None have had an easy time. One is my niece. A family "friend" would offer to babysit while everyone else went out on a Saturday to shop or do a church function. The f-ing a$$hole ... he was finally caught in bed with her when she was about ten. My father grabbed a knife out of the kitchen when he heard the news and headed for the car to literally cut off all future possibilities. My family was unable to comprehend that such a thing could happen to us ... dad was restrained and we all just tried to pretend like it never happened. I was about 19 at the time and away in college and couldn't believe what I was hearing, though I thought my dad had the right idea. Years later, my niece is the most messed up girl I know. I don't know how to fix what that bastard did to hurt her but my father (God rest his soul) had the right idea. The only good news is that the sonuvab**ch who did it is rotting in jail.

The women who have told me a story like yours have all been through years of counseling. They usually have made a pretty good mess of their lives by the time they are adults. The counseling helps them to see exactly what they have done to try to "normalize" the event - even though it was heinous. Usually, they have had lots of trouble avoiding promiscuity. No, that is candy coated ... they find themselves with an insatiable appetite for all the sex they can get. But seeing what you are doing and changing are different things.

I pray that your life is not so full of the turmoil that I have seen. I pray that you can first forgive yourself for being too weak and innocent to be able to stop what was happening. No, really. You have to first forgive yourself for that. Maybe you can then begin to work on forgiving your mother. Honey, she loves you very much. As I've seen in my own family, she was simply unable to deal with the reality that you were throwing in her face. Yeah, she let you down terribly. No one else but her was there, perhaps. What about your own father? Where was he? If I were him, I'd follow up on what my father started years ago and finish the job - I tell you for sure. Maybe he needs some forgiveness too. The reason you forgive yourself and these other people is so you can find healing. Without forgiveness and redemption, this wound will follow you all of your life. You don't need that because God created you to live an amazing life. Discovering how to forgive them all will be quite a journey. Forgive .. a nice word, but how do you actually do it? Letting go of the pain isn't easy ... but that is what forgiveness can do for you - it disappears the pain you are feeling now.

Down the road, you may find a way to forgive the beast of the man who was so f'd up that he was able to do such a thing. The truth is that you have an amazing power over him now. While he was physically superior to you at the time, your moral position exposes his weakness. He hurt you not to hurt you but to try to make himself feel better. Whatever wound he carries that helped him to justify such an abomination is still plaguing him to this day. You, on the other hand, can walk to the throne of God and seek redemption without the burden he has to carry every day.

I read a great book a few years ago by Viktor Frankl. Dr. Frankl wasn't raped by a step father but was a survivor of a Nazi concentration camp. It is hard to imagine a more horrible existence on earth than what those people suffered. In his book Man's Search For Meaning, he says that he found freedom in the prison camp. He came to understand that the prison guards who persecuted him so cruelly, and killed millions of innocents, were unable to take away his freedom to choose how he would live his life. He found that he was free to accept his suffering and look for his purpose in life in the midst of the Holocaust. Very powerful stuff.

I would give you words of love if those words could set your spirit free of this hurt. Redemption is God's gift to you. Now you just have to find it.

Answer 6

Keep going to "cancelling," and keep making up a new story each time until somebody with an IQ under 90 believes you.

Answer 7

fisrt and foremost my heart goes out to you as a man i have dated women that had simler experince as yours and they to had a tough time getting over what happen to them , as i could see the one most inportent thing they lost was there self worth you need to work on beleaving in yourself and know your a inportent person and to foregive and let go of your past , live for the future and be happy with yourself

Answer 8

you may never get over it but you have to try to get past it. counseling will help continue going. try to get your mom and sisters to go also. they too went through the trauma not like you did but in their own way. try family counseling. good luck

Answer 9

I don't think your mom is the one to be angry with. She's human and humans have unexplainable flaws...like not always believing their children. Forgive her anyway and make sure you always take your children seriously.

Answer 10

Seek counseling, it may (will) be very hard to get over something so traumatizing.