I'm not in love with my husband!!?

Question

He has really hurt me and I feel so alone and depressed - anyone else been through this?

Answer 1

You probably have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (do a search, honey). No offense but you should get over it. Anybody that would sign on to the internet to ask a dumb question like this has some seriously emotional and/or psychological problems. You need professional help, sweetie.

Answer 2

I'm so sorry you've been hurt. Are you sure it's not the hurt and depression talking? All I saying is that hurt's can heal over time with the proper attention and care, but divorce is a final solution and can have long-term ramifications. Just make sure you search your heart and do all you can to salvage things before taking the advice that a lot of the other posters are giving you here.

I don't have a clue what kind of person you husband is but have you communicated with him how deeply hurt you are? If not, you need to do that for sure. Who knows if it will make a difference but it may. After all, you loved him enough to marry him right? Also, please see a doctor they can help you with your depression. You may then begin to see things in an entirely different light or maybe not but it's a possibility :)

Best of luck to you. I know things are difficult for you now with what you are going through. You and your husband are both in my prayers.

-Danny

Answer 3

Believe me...you really are not alone.
There are many other women who feel the same way.
One day you wake up and look at your significant other and think to yourself..
'What the hell am I doing here?'

Leaving isn't easy either, especially if there are children involved, not to mention the financial issues that go with marriage. If physical abuse is involved, it makes it much easier to make the decision to leave. However, many people tend to overlook the very real damage that can also be caused by mental and emotional abuse. Just because those types of abuse don't leave a physical scar, doesn't mean that you're not hurt, or that you're not suffering.

Just remember your feelings are important, even if your spouse tries to make you feel as if they don't matter. I would suggest going to counseling. You would be surprised to find out just how empowering it is to simply be listened to by someone, and know that what you're saying matters. it's doubtufl you will be able to get your husband to join you in going to counseling, because most men think that if they do, it means there's something wrong with them, and they really don't want to know what that'something' is.

They would much rather 'sweep things under the rug' and pretend everything is just fine, even when it isn't. Think about the counseling, and in the meantime, start looking for some other avenues of support from family or friends. Find out what interests you, and then pursue it whether it's a hobby or some other sort of activity that takes you outside of the home, and away from your husband's negative outlook. When you're out and among people with whom you share some common interests, it tends to alleviate your depression and stress. It will also help to build your self-esteem and confidence in your ability to be able to take care of your own needs.

Peace & Joy~*

Answer 4

Please don't listen to anyone who says you made your bed now lie in it or You promised God and now you must suffer. I am in your position right now. I don't love my husband and he has hurt me emotionally. he is verbally abusive and has not put me on his priory list for 6yrs now and it's taken it's toll. I believe in God with all my heart and had trouble with the issue of promising that I would be with this man forever. But I believe that if a man hits you or is emotionally abusive God would want you to leave. There is only so much one person can go through until your soul begins to die. I also have no one to go to and it is very hard to go through this by yourself. You doubt every thought of leaving because you know no where to turn to.I gained 50 pounds because I got so depressed over my marriage.But one day I woke up and started exercising and I have lost 21 pounds so far. It really makes you feel in control and good about yourself. I am giving my husband one more chance to see if I can love him again only because he was so upset when I told him I was leaving and so far he is a changed man. However when you get burnt to many times you close off and it might be to late for me to feel for him again. Only time will tell but I will not be treated any more with the disrespect he once showed me and you shouldn't either. If he has hit you there are places that you can call. I hope you don't have children. What made me want to leave is that I want to have children and I will not raise them in this environment. If you don't think that you deserve better then just believe that they do. Please take care of yourself.

Answer 5

I am sorry you are dealing with this I know how you feel because I am going through a separation and pending divorce now. I quit feeling love for my husband and replaced it with resentment after yrs of emotional abuse,excessive tickling of our kids to me child abuse and a few times physical other than hitting to me. I couldn't stay any longer and have been living on my own for a little over a month. He said he would never file and wanted to rebuild marriage then he calls me and told me he has a lawyer and is trying to get custody of the kids. I feel hurt, depressed and lonely and not sure how I will trust someone again. I thought he loved me and now everything is falling apart. I can survive on my own its just still having to deal with him thats so hard. Good luck. You don't mention if you have kids because if I didn't I would never have to see or talk to him again and life would be simpler but don't wish I didn't have my kids just hate what they are going through because of his selfishness.

Answer 6

The number one person in your life should be you. If you can't make yourself happy, then you can't make anyone else happy. You need to make sure you can wake up each day and be proud of who you are. If someone is bringing you down, and making you feel less than what you deserve (especially someone who is supposed to promise his life to making you happy) than you need to move on and find happiness else where. It may be hard at first, but just think of your future. Do you want to stay in this state of mind for life? Or go through some pain now, with a rainbow waiting in the future. The choice is yours, best of luck in all that you do.

Answer 7

Call my ex wife .. she has a similar story. The real question is not about your subjective feelings. You really need to look at the woman in the mirror and tell her that she is the only person responsible for your happiness. It matters not how perfect your husband treats you or how horrible he is to you. If you feel unhappy, you will be unhappy. He can't really change that.

You made a mistake if you thought getting married to this guy - he probably seemed wonderful at the time - would make you happy. If you dump him now, you will simply take your unhappiness with you to antoher relationship.

Start with that amazing woman in the mirror.

Answer 8

I have and sort of still am going through the way you feel, Its just that I feel so lonly because I do still love my wife and I feel she doesn't love me anymore,its a long story but very unusual to most people you see I was away for a couple of years just 2 and she had an affair with a couple of people I am not sure of how many excactly but this one guy thinks he fell in love with her and wont seem to go away, he even trys calling her when I am home.

Answer 9

I know what your feeling, Im not in love with my husband anymore. Get yourself out of the depression. Your only hurting yourself and he is just going to hurt you again and again. Even though I am not happy in my marriage, I do things to make myself happy and if he don't like it, its just too bad. I have tried to leave many times over and have given him chances over and over. Each time he improves, but goes back to his old ways. I have learnt over a period of time, that I do things that I like to make myself happy. If you have been married for a short time and there are no children involved, then I would suggest you leave. It is hard to do, but if you can't live with him, its better to go than to have him hurt you over and over. So many other women do it. So good luck with whatever decision you make.

Answer 10

Man, I had a wife that was just like you! It wasn't the guys fault either, she was just confused and depressed. I was positive about everything even uplifting her spirit. She was such a pessimist. She seen everything negatively. I could only do so much. Oh, well. She moved on and I moved on. The best of luck to her. This was recently. Like a week ago and it sounds like you are the wife posting this question. You know who you are WIFEY!