a very colse employees wife has just lost a babe though still born bith the baby was full term.what can i do or say to them to show my simpathy.feel so much sorrow for them as they had to go through ivf treatment 2 have this baby.it it right 2 give flowers.what do i do.please give honest answers please.
2006-07-08 17:09:33 · 29 answers · asked by shazz 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I lost a baby myself and to be honest, no two days were the same for me, by that I mean, one day I would be grateful that people had asked how I was and showed sympathy for me, then the next I wanted to tell them to mind their own business (although I never did). From my personal experience I wouldn't send a card, flowers etc as its not nice having those sort of things in the house to remind you of your lost child, instead I would politely say I am sorry for your loss, and if you need anything or want to talk I am here for you. Although they probably wont talk to you, the gesture of offering your time, will mean much more to then, plus you wont know which day you will be catching them on, so you are acting concerned and not nosey . Good luck its a very difficult subject.
2006-07-10 10:40:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Say exactly what you feel which is "There are no words to express the sorrow you must feel and that I feel for you, I am truly at a loss for words, but I am here for you when you are ready to talk." Normal grief process with this kind of event is about 2 weeks. Then the survivor is ready to talk, which is, ironically when people start fading away as life returns to normal. Best thing you can do is be available. You'll know, they'll start talking, grab a box of Kleenex and listen and when you are both cried out, and you are comfortable, tell them you'll be there for them again if they need to cry. If this persists to long however, they may need grief counseling. God Bless.
2006-07-08 17:19:19 · answer #2 · answered by -Tequila17 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can express sympathy, but be careful about saying that you understand what they're going through unless you actually went through the same thing. It is a terrible and tragic experience to lose a pregnancy. People take it very differently. Flowers are probably appreciated and are certainly an appropriate response (make sure the florist knows why you're sending flowers so s/he puts the right arrangement together). Maybe offer to be there if they need anything or need to talk to anyone.
Good luck, and deepest sympathies to the parents.
2006-07-08 17:16:27 · answer #3 · answered by pluralist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do they have a garden? Could you perhaps get a rose or flower that will come every year? With an appropriate name like "peace" or "hope" or something like that?
Or something that will flower around this time every year? They will never forget but they might look forward to the buds opening each anniversary or something?
In a small way it will give them something to focus on for a short while - planting it - watering it etc. and might give them comfort.??
You know best whether this is good idea or not. Best wishes.
2006-07-09 10:29:14 · answer #4 · answered by auntiebella 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well firstly don't mention about babies to them and don't point out or look at babies on the street and be sure not to say "Congratulations on the loss".
The best thing you could do is to let her know you are totally there for her for whatever she needs or wants and make sure she knows this.
Don't over do it though, not every time but at most times when you see/meet or speak to her, ask her if she needs any help with anything, no matter how big or small. If she ever says that she needs to do something then ask her if it's something you can do for her.
You may also want to offer her ANY HELP at all with the baby's funeral (if she's having one).
Sorry to hear about her loss.
2006-07-08 17:24:44 · answer #5 · answered by The Techie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As someone who has lost a baby (also after infertility issues), there is nothing you can say and it's mostly better not to try to conjure up something profound to say because nothing will make it better. Flowers are good and a basic sympathy card just to show you are thinking of them is probably the best and safest way to offer condolences. When it was me, I didn't want to hear anyone try to compare my loss to one of their's because my feelings were unique to me and my own loss. I appreciated cards that were simple and supportive. Hope it helps.
PS....However you do it, just DO it. It's far worse to feel like no one is noticing your loss at all.
2006-07-08 20:28:32 · answer #6 · answered by Sheli R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Flowers are a good idea. Then just say sorry for their loss. Don't try to say too much else. When you're going through something and people say things like" i know how you feel", it only makes them feel worse. Just tell them you care very much about them and that you are very sorry. Flowers are very appropriate.
2006-07-08 17:15:32 · answer #7 · answered by Ilene W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You treat them as if the lost a child they loved for a lifetime, show the same respect and sense of loss. In fact their loss is greater because they never got the chance to know their child. Give them something to show remembrance, because so many will try to get them to forget.
2006-07-08 17:18:51 · answer #8 · answered by Suzie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Flowers are nice. Make sure to give them a big hug and tell them how sorry you are for their loss. Let them do the talking. You could also bring over a meal.
2006-07-08 17:19:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I would sit down and write them a really nice letter. Tell them how you feel about what they are going through. Just let them know that you care and that you are there for them as a friend if they need someone to talk to.
2006-07-08 17:14:06 · answer #10 · answered by katevm5 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋