Since the begining our relationship is a rollercoaster of either really good or very bad emotions. Passion kept us & is still keeping us together. We have 2 sons (our baby was born after our separation). We separated 4 years ago and he is living with his girlfriend since then. He says he loves me and wants to come back to be a family again with us. He comes to see me once in a while, calls me often, tells me what I need to hear, we have incredible sex then he goes back home to her, leaving me here, devastated, with our 2 kids.
I know I have to stop that. I am looking for tips on how to stop this for good. I tried to do it for the children - it did not work. I gave him ultimatum - he comes back after a while... I get so weak around him. When I put my foot down, w/sneaky ways, he puts the blame me for the separation of our family & I don't want to be blamed for it and he knows it. I can't meet anyone. Is it possible to get out of a manipulative & controlling relationship? How?
2006-07-08 16:45:02 · 9 answers · asked by Shaana 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I am tired of this 'ex being around' situation. I do not have a social life. I am home taking care of the children (7 and 2 1/2). It's already difficult to find a man, imagine if the ex is still around! I read books. I consulted. I prayed. I have no energy for nothing else but him when he's around. The problem is: we come to a decision (which looks serious), I know he will come back sometimes in weeks, in months. So what's the point? I know I will not be able to push him away when he comes back. I want to be strong. I think this is a possession-obsession thing from both part. I am ready to let him go (I gave this serious toughts and I am.. I don't have a choice). He said he would come back with us on certain conditions (one of them is that he wants to know about my finances and my paycheck amount / btw I make more than average salary) which I am not willing to share with him for now.
2006-07-08 17:02:07 · update #1
Ask people who care about you for help. THEN LET THEM!!!
He will never change and as for sex ... you can get that anywhere.
Be smart - LOVE your kids and do what's right for them!
2006-07-08 16:48:27 · answer #1 · answered by BigBadBoo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think, the time has come for you to move on; even if that means moving to a new city and a new job and newer adjustments, without ever leaving behind an address. Do you have any relatives or family or friends in some other city to help you???
Because, i think he knows all the tricks to make you come around; as you said he is manipulative, as long as you both live in the same city and keep seeing each other, you will never succeed. So make your decision now, your children definetely do deserve it
2006-07-09 03:21:40 · answer #2 · answered by dark and beautiful 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is using the heck out of you. You need to tell him to just go on down the road and be with his girlfriend. You stop and think about something here. He comes to you and has sex with you and then goes to her and has sex with her and then comes back to you and has sex with you and then back to her and sex again. That is crazy!! He is using you so bad it ain't funny. If she is having sex with someone else too besides him, he could bring something to you that you don't want!! You need to stop him from coming around period except for to see his kids only. Honey put your foot down and now. Have a back bone!!!
2006-07-09 00:10:06 · answer #3 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow your story is like coming from my own mouth. Just know other women are going through this same ****. Someday our prince charming will come along. For now enjoy your babies. Smile.
2006-07-09 03:33:58 · answer #4 · answered by rcp5276 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you know what you need to do. You know you need to cut him out of your life when it comes to anything other than your boys. The fact that he can have sex with you and then go home to her pretty much tells you what kind of person he is. Do you really want to be with someone like that? How do you know he won't sleep with her while he's back with you? Maybe you can find a person who can act as your sponsor, who you can turn to any time you start to doubt yourself and are tempted to give in to him. Or maybe a counselor in your area can help you find your strength within so you can tell him to take a hike. No matter what caused the break up, he's manipulating you so he can sleep with you. You are a strong, wonderful woman and mother who deserves someone who will love you with their whole heart unconditionally. Good luck.
2006-07-09 00:09:26 · answer #5 · answered by casey's girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just be strong. someone who's more of a man than him will come along some day and you will be thankful that you held out for him.
2006-07-09 12:50:33 · answer #6 · answered by williamsn1987 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself if u are still in love with him. If you are, give him an altimatum, If you don't love him and its just lust, you betta holla at him around the way. He's using u and you are letting him. RESTRAINT!!!!! the key to happiness and being true to yourself. remember, its all about you.
2006-07-08 23:51:29 · answer #7 · answered by Vanessa W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU are letting him control you. You have to make up your mind to be strong and independent and then do it.
2006-07-08 23:54:44 · answer #8 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stand up for yourself and for your children!! If hes not going to be there for you and you children then you need to find someone that will be there!! ^_^
2006-07-08 23:56:58 · answer #9 · answered by brat71825 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋