Should I stay or should I go?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years and the first 2 yrs were really hard, but for the last 6 months things have been going really good. He has 2 kids from 2 different woman, he ask me to marry him and I said yes. Were due to get married in September and I'm getting cold feet. My friends say the obvious choice is to leave, but I'm in love with him, and he's been good to me. It's just life looks like it's going to be really hard with him. I feel like something different can be easier, but he loves me and it's gonna hurt him.

So the real question is should I be selfish and hurt him, or should I stay. Should he's feeling be a factor or just mine. I'm 20 yrs old and I just don't want to regret nothing ten years from now. He tells me I'm gonna leave him, because he's not good enough for me, I don't know, love is too much to wrap my head around, please some one help me! I need GOOD MATURE ADVICE!( no dumb comments)

Answer 1

Here is my opinion, if you are already having second thoughts its not the right time. If you think you are really in love with him and he is in love with you he will understand and wait until your ready. If he don't understand then you know what to do. Just remember getting married is suppose to be the happiest time of your life. You will know when the time is right. Good luck

Answer 2

Okay, sweetie, no dumb comments. 20 is a tad young these days to get married, particularly if you see a tough future with this guy. It takes three things to be in love -- Respect, Admiration, and Passion. Obviously, we all get trapped in the passion part, and that is the tuffest to keep going. Years down the road, you and he have to remain inventive to keep it going. In the end, it is only the frosting on the cake. The two first ones are the guts and blood of a relationship. You have been smart, anyway, in not getting yourself pregnant, and continue to do that. He already has two children with two different women......something to wonder about. Wouldn't want to be one of those kids, would you? This guy is probably in your age range -- probably no more than 28. You have been with him quite a long time, all things considered. Now at 20, you see things differently than at 17 1/2. Think. Give it two more years, and you'll probably want out. The best advise any one can give you is what my mom gave me..... NEVER be in a situation where you cannot support yourself .....well. And she didn't mean selling ribbons in a department store, either. So, the advise?????

1. If you are not in school working toward an education that will give you a good job, then get into school -- you may not get your degree until well into your 20's -- so what? My mom always told me something else, too.
2. Dont get pregnant until you know your relationship is sound and secure.
3. "When in doubt, don't." You have some doubts.... don't marry this man until you have none. If your doubts remain, there is areason for them ... your guess was probably a good one: life looks rough in the future with ths man. There is nothing worse than struggling all of your life, and in the end have regrets, and no money, because it all went to paying bills and taxes, and raising children that aren't even you own, but his.

It is always tuff to leave a relationship when you see nothing but problems for yourself, and problems that you can't solve, because you didn't create them. You may love this guy, but he brings a lot of baggage with him in the form of financial responsibilities of child support for children. If the guy had a big salary, that would probably not be a problem, but if he is not the pres. or owner of a successful company, he is an employee just like the rest of us, and that means an ordinary salary. Money isn't everything, but it is second or third to what ever is. (again, my mom speaking). Helpful???

Answer 3

The decision that you're faced with today is whether to progress to the next step of marriage, which I know you'll agree is a very binding contract complete with considerable, lasting responsibilities that increase as time goes by. The challenges ahead (if married) will become more in numbers and greater in complexity and stress. Consider this then - With all your doubts (and I think they are valid) how do you think it would be to have to make the decision to stay or leave 'after' becoming married. And maybe after having a child together. It has nothing to do with being selfish, but it has alot to do with being perceptively smart and mature. At this particular time in your life you are not ready to go up to the altar and say 'I do'. Wisdom is in realizing that and not doing it. He may get his feelings hurt. They'd be hurt alot more if it ended in divorce. This isn't all to say that you will never marry. But for right now, it's not the right time. You're doing the right thing by second guessing the plans and wanting to take a proper course of decision making. Sounds to me that you should wait, cancel the wedding plans (at least for now), explain your feelings to him, endure the pain and suffering that accompanies these kinds of decisions, whether the decisions are made by you or other couples. There will come a future time when you will be quite thankful that you waited. I'm absolutely sure of it.

Answer 4

20 years old and 2 kids from other women seems like a lot to take on. If you guys are good together, then I think you should stay together, but maybe you shouldn't get married yet. Just tell him you need more time. By the way, NOTHING is easy!! So if he's a good man, I'd hang with him until you really feel like you don't love him.

Answer 5

Well my brother has TWINS by another woman, but he is also married (he got married about 5 years after they were born) And they love each other much. So maybe it can work out. But you didn't mention much about him, so i cant really give an opinion on whether you two will work out or not. If he feels like he's not good enough for you (and why?) then just leave him. you're young.

Don't stay with the guy just because you don't want to leave him and hurt him. do what you feel is the best choice for you to do. which is to stay or leave

Answer 6

Everyone gets cold feet before they get married...it is a huge commitment...you are trying yourself to a person for the rest of your life...so cold feet is normal...BUT I have 2 problems with this situation--1. Why does he think that he is not good enough for you? Sounds like a major self esteem issue. He "Needs" for you to be around him so that he feels better about himself..and that is fine if you are willing to but your feelings on the back burner for his for the rest of your life. 2nd issue I have is: you are 20 and I assume that you are not dating a man that is way older than you are and he already has 2 children by 2 women? Don't you find that a bit alarming? I would be real cautious to get involved w/ a man with 2 kids by 2 women at such a young age.
But in the end...you are the one who has to make the decision....don't let your guilt try to talk your heart into something that it doesn't want to happen.

Answer 7

every marriage has hard times, my husband and i have had a very rough 7 years, we are riden a rough spot now. we got married when i was 16, already had a child, nmow we have 3 and im pregnant (7months) im only 23 now...he works third shift, and i have a hard time with him gone at night cause thats when the kids are sleepin'. but even though its been tough, its been very rewarding too, i wouldnt trade him for anyone cause then he wouldnt be the man i love, that loves me, no matter what, hes there for me, as i am for him. if you love each other, dont think that just because it will/might be hard that you wont be happy.

you know when my 3 daughters 1, 3, 7, are all driving me nuts screaming or all wanting something at the same time, or when i cant get them to bed when they should, sometimes i think why did i have kids?then i think, if they were gone...i'd love nothing more than to struggle with all three up 3 flights of stairs 7 months pregnant with a migraine. sometimes the hardest things in our lives are what we miss the most when there gone

Answer 8

plot your own path and like yu said, i cant have any regerts 10 years down the road. it all depends on what you really really want in life.

but remember that thigns change too. ask yourself the 5 whys and you might come to a better understanding. mabe youshould take a break and access the relationship again

dont forget he's had 2 women before you, and his trak record in that dept doesnt seem that great.

Answer 9

You are young and need to be able to have every oppurtunity in life afforded to you. You can always try talking to conselor alone and see what they say. Dont be guilted into staying by him telling you he knows you are going to leave and things like that. You need to develop and have a life of your own (not meaning you have to leave him). Enjoy and explore your own interests and if need be postpone the wedding until you are truly sure you are making the right decision.

Answer 10

Sweetie, you have answered your own question. You know in your heart what you should do. It's better to leave now, then to realize it 2 years down the road, it would hurt worse then. You are 20, there is SO MUCH MORE out there then heart ache!!! Trust me!! Happiness is out there waiting for you......go find it!