How to cope?

Question

I am having marital issues. My husband is passive and does not communicate very well. He doesn't clean, do the banking, or much of anything but work. I do stay at home, and do the chores, but I am becoming anal about everything because he cannot even pick up his own underwear.
We have only been married for 3 years, but he adopted my daughter and she loves him dearly. I do love him, but the more I think on it, I am not in love with him anymore. They small issue's are creating a big one with me, and I cannot seem to get through to him how much his attitude is stressing me out. My family and friends tell me to boot him, but I cannot, and I said I love him, I would like to work on our marriage, but have pretty much thrown up my arms and am in misery every day. Serious advice would help. Thanks

I do go to therapy, and I am unable to work. I have done my part to change, to be a better person, and to try and live in the situation the best I can. We have sit down talks, which I initiate and tell him how I feel.
Yes, I know marriage is a lifetime commitment, that is why I am asking for help or idea's, I have done all that I could, and no I am not using my daughter or putting her in the middle.
I make 3 meals a day, clean, wash, and everything else I can possibly do as A STAY AT HOME SPOUSE. It is a full time job, and I have hobbies... so please do not cut my character. Thank you.

Answer 1

You are angry because of unfulfilled expectations. You either need to change your expectations of him or communicate your needs to your husband. When you talk to you husband, don't complain about what he does or doesn't do. It can be very threatening to him, and he probably won't hear a thing that you're saying. Instead, tell him how you feel when he does or doesn't do certain things. Chances are, he doesn't have a clue about how you feel. He just sees you as being very angry. Regardless, give it time. Also, you don't need to be slamming your husband when talking to friends and family. That in itself can ruin a marriage. After all, you wouldn't want him slamming you when he talks to his friends and family. Nobody's perfect.

Answer 2

Has he always been uncommunicative? Or is this a new development? How long were you together before you got married?

I am sorry that you are feeling miserable in your marriage. I certainly felt like you did a few years ago too. My husband would spend most of his free time in front of the computer, we never really spoke to each other. I had my doubts about whether I just loved him or if I was "in love" in him.

Sometimes I think that men don't realize that they're ignoring us. They figure that if they come home every night, then it should be enough. I sat my husband down and I told him that if he wanted to lead separate lives, then we would. As soon as I told him that, he was so apologetic and explained (finally) why he was being so distant. Turned out that he was having a major conflict at work and he was so mad when he came home that he chose to distract himself with the computer, rather than take it out on me. He is much more open now(I guess the possibility of my living my own life spooked him).

I guess that sometimes there are other explanations to things that men do. If you and he are willing to work on it, I would seek a marriage counselor, it could help. 3 years isn't long at all, you should try and work it out.

Good Luck to you, I wish you the best.

Answer 3

My only advise to you is a book called " The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". I think that you and your husband will find it beneficial. A lot of people will tell you to cut and run, but a marriage is supossed to be a lifetime comittment. Please buy the book, and see if it helps. You both have a lot of responsibility to the marriage, and you both need to work on it together. Sit down and talk with him before and after reading the book see what things change in your views together and see where the future will go.

Answer 4

I've been there and understand what you are going through. I have fell in and out of love with my spouse of 15 years. The best thing I can tell you is to let him know how you feel and (I started leaving the clothes where he left them.) When he didn't have any socks or underwear, to bad. They wasn't where they were suppose to be and, SORRY WASH YOUR OWN . Put them in the dirty clothes basket or it's up to him to wash. Now he washes most of the clothes when he is home and I am still IN LOVE WITH HIM!!!! Good luck..

Answer 5

Count your blessings! You get to stay home? You should be waiting on him hand and foot. If you hate it go back to work. You are married to him. Stop playing games with your daughter's life and his life. He is the same man you were so in love with when you married him. You need to fix you, not him. Pray to take your angry feelings away from you about your husband...

Answer 6

You are describing the typical marriage. All guys are like him. Maybe what's really bothering you is something else. Maybe you need to get out more. How about taking on an occupation?

Answer 7

Go to counseling. Marriage counseling if he's willing to go. If not, then YOU need to go. Therapy is wonderful and can help you cope with your feelings. I wish you all the luck in the world.

Answer 8

well, you got to think about it this way.everyone was tought to be the way they are including you. by parenting,friends, and lifestyles. anyone can be tought to change for the better, if they really want to. join my group @ [e-mail]

Answer 9

then tell him but try not to hurt him