What do you do when you miss someone you shouldn't be missing?

Question

He lied and cheated and used me. I have forgiven him and the anger is gone. I still miss him from time to time... for like a week out of every month. It seems that the best way for me to forget the good and quit missing him is to remember the bad.

I really worry about other women he gets invloved with. I was hurt by him so badly, almost to the point of wanting to end it all. I hate to think of another girl he may hurt, actually carrying this out. I reported him on dontdatehimgirl.com. It was not out of revenge and I am not trying to hurt him. By doing this though it seems to have helped me remember what I went through with him instead of making him out to be everything I thought I ever needed because it is obvious that he is not. I just have to keep telling myself that.

By the way, I am exercising and taking care of myself. I am starting to go out a bit and I am getting back into my life. Like I said, it is only for a week or so out of the month that I miss him.

I am doing MUCH better. I haven't cried since I think the middle of May, if I did it was only for a few minutes and we broke up at the end of March. For the first two weeks I cried non stop day and night. I couldn't even go to work. I am chuggin along. Only missing him occassionally.

I tell myself this every month that this will be the last time I even give him a second thought... then my hormones start acting up and I begin to think about him again. I think I need to get out more. I am not really ready to jump into another relationship but everyone of my friends says that is what I need. I have gone out a few times but I am just not into it. I dont want to have to "try" The next guy I meet I want it to be when I am not even looking. I want it to be an accident.. though I don't believe in those...everything happens for a reason. Even being hurt by - - - -. There is a reason for everything

Yenkoman is funny..lol. and I do believe he is right. There are lots of people I still miss and have never really gotten "over" Most of whom I would be happy to see if they were to knock on my door. Including the recent one. I will always have a place in my heart for him. He is trying to help himself and I hope he continues, he has such good qualities. I guess it all comes down to loving and accepting someone for who they are and not for who you want them to be. At least I will have those sweet memories.

As for those of you who have no empathy for girls he may be hurting this very moment... Not all of us are hip to online players and the games they play. It is obvious that you have not yet suffered this kind of devastating emotional pain... one day you will...

Answer 1

Wow. I think everything happens for a reason too. Getting over someone either good or bad is not easy. I feel for you. I remember trying to get over one person in particular took me about 8 years. It got easier as time went on. It went on till all the bad memories and anger was gone and all that was left were the good memories. Ever since then, I try to only look for the good in people, so my memories of them will be good. I try and remember only the good. I do not try and get over anyone as I believe they have touched my life and taught me certain things and we share memories together. I miss seeing almost everyone that was close to me from time to time. I guess that's what I call a bond. Missing someone might just mean you care. I am pretty sure that's what is means. There is certainly nothing wrong with that in my book. ( ps I don't actually have a 'book' )

Answer 2

Missing someone is a natural emotion in response to love. When you love someone you miss them when they are not there. Such as when a person you love dies you'sre going to miss them after they're gone...so there is nothing wrong with missing someone. It's how you act on thoses feeling s that can cause a problem. In your case miss the good times that you had and look forward to knowing this is what you want out of a relationship so that when a wonderful man comes along you will know exactly what you want and trust me one will. Women are entitled to find a good one after they've been through so many bad ones...remind yourself that the relationship is unhealthy for you...like drinking. Drinking is unhealthy in excess but feels great when done occasionly. When you find yourself missing him write your thoughts down on paper and put them away some where let out your feelings so that you can deal with them...maybe even listen to music to uplift your mood then try focusing your attention on pampering yourself or enjoying things you like to do to take your mind off of him instead of all the negative thoughts. The more you do this the more you will associate these activities with distractions for missing him and in time it will not be as overwhelming as it feels now. The more intense the feeling just means the more intensely you loved him. It;s tough but nothing worthwhile is ever easy.

Answer 3

thats tuff...just remember that he did use you and he did cheat...i dont wanna be all cliche and say he didnt love you so dont waste your time but it definately applies. i really think you did the right thing(the website reporting) but hey the other girls are big girls...and if hes really such a sleazebag they'll figure it out just like you did...and im not a religious fanatic or anything but there is a judge, and he WILL have to face him one day. he has to look in the mirror everyday and know tjhat hes a piece of sh*t. just keep doing what your doing...its the right thing, and itll stop hurtig after awhile and the feelings will fade away. just remember that people like that hold you down. your a smart and caring woman...you dont need that kind of baggage. good luck hun

Answer 4

I've been married twice and will never do it again. Although there are those days when I think of how I wish it could have been but wishing will get you no where. I remember the good times that were had and then weigh them with the bad. I then remember why I'm not with them anymore. I know it's hard but move forward, not backward.

Answer 5

Sounds like you've began doing what's needed to get through these lonesome times. That's all that week seems to be until you get interested in someone else. You don't need to feel sorry for any other female for being with him, because he's going to run into that one female who's going to make him pay for everything he's done to you and everyone else he's abused emotionally or physically. What goes around comes around.

Answer 6

relationships are hard to get over, its going to take a while, you just need to do whats best for you, and if he treated you so badly its not being with him. It sucks that hell end up hurting innocent girls like you huh? guys can be jerks, but theres no way for you to control his actions, honestly hell probably be this way the rest of his life, and you cant keep doing this to yourself forever. just take care of yourself get out with friends and have a good time, enjoy being single. you guys may have had a lot of good times together but obviously the bad out weighed the good huh? its ok to remember the good times, those are your life expirences that make you, you. just dont dwell on them. youll be ok hun! good luck :)

Answer 7

You sound like you are getting it whipped.I have been there 7 times and it never gets easier,believe me.

Answer 8

If this person had hurted you so badly in the past, honestly you should'nt be thinking about them at all!!

Answer 9

its hard to get over a lost love. move on and find someone else and eventually u will forget him.

Answer 10

thats good ur gettin back ur life i no people that has been though that but really i feel like even if u miss him dont give in just keep doin u and live ur life ........................................tt