Why is it when you are having a REALLY hard time that is when your boyfriend does NOT want to talk?

Question

No it was not a mis-understanding. You...I mean "He" made it quite clear.

I don't want to talk about the hard times...I just wanted to talk to him!

Answer 1

I really liked Sherri's answer. It seems like she understands the male psyche more than most women do. It makes sense to me because men are typically problem solvers by nature. And when a man hears a woman expressing her hardships, he tends to perceive it as a problem that needs to be solved. So, when he offers HIS solution to his perception of your "problem" and continues to hear about it rather than offering YOUR solution which is mostly to just listen, he believes he has failed and has the tendency to withdraw feeling that his "advice" has been ignored or unhelpful.

Again, I believe Sherri is right about leaving discussions such as these with your girlfriends- for now. But if you'd really like to work on "training" him, here's something that has helped other women.

Try having some discussions with him about things that he is most interested in. For instance- if he is a baseball fan and his favorite team is the Red Sox, you might try doing a little investigating, looking up player stats, and asking some questions about his favorite player. Or if his thing is cars, investigate, and ask questions. The key here is the questions. It will get him to talk. True, it sounds boring at first and you probably won't care about any of it, but try not to look at it that way but rather a communication investment. Be consistent. As he sees that you are making the effort to understand his world and his line of communication, he just may become more open to understanding yours.

I hope this helps.

Ant

Answer 2

Because they feel unable to "fix" what is wrong with you. Men have a need to help make you feel good, and it bothers them not to be able to change what is bothering you. Males do not have the instinct that females have about having to talk out their problems and about listening during hard times. They tend to withdraw when they are upset until they feel better. Females tend to have the need to talk it out.
I know it is your boyfriend you want to help you out because you love him so much. BUT< if its only talking about the hard times you need, may be better to discuss those things with your girlfriends instead.

Answer 3

Sometimes guys get lost, as to what to say. Why we feel like we always need to be saying something, you got me. I feel the same way in a difficult situation. I guess all we REALLY need to do is just be there and listen.

Answer 4

Honey- I know what you mean. Mine is the same way. But keep an open mind. Men, don't handle emotions very well. It's not because they don't love us. It's because they feel our pains, they just don't know the right words to say. We girls tend to know what exactly to say to hit the right spot- but not them. Talk to him and see what he says, it might be short and sweet. but that's what girlfriends are for.

Heads up.

Answer 5

Men don't like to talk or hear what women have to say. They live in a dream world.
☺

Answer 6

the thing is a man only has a consentration span of 3 seconds but he needs that time in the bed room. so as usual WE have to sort every thing out ourselves.

Answer 7

Because maybe he really doesn't know how to answer the question or is afraid to because it may not be what you want to hear at that time.

Answer 8

Because he is the reason for the Hard time??

Answer 9

Yeah, what Brian said. I myself, am an idiot. I tend to blurt things out and not mean them, 'cuz I have trouble trying to express myself correctly.

Answer 10

men never seem to want to talk. I think they just clam up if they notice we're upset. Because they never know if we're gonna be angry, sad, or just our plain b!tchy selves when we open our mouths LOL