Should I follow my gut or ignore it.?

Question

There is this guy I care about as a friend but he does not make it an effort to call me. I always end up calling him but just once a year on his birthday. I found out he is about to be a father and I worry he might need someone to talk to but everybody is telling me to just forget about him. I love to help people and this hard for me to do because if he needs a friend or someone to give advice to about the situation I want to help. I used to be a teen peer counselor which is pathetic because I can not even give myself advice. Is it wrong to want to help someone who does not seem to care about you. My parents do not like him and I was not allowed to see him. I just want us to still be friends and see him one more time before I leave for college. Please help me because I do not see it being such a bad idea like my other friends do.

Answer 1

It is always a bad idea to try to help anybody who isn't asking you to help or who doesn't want your help, unless that person is mentally incompetent or in mortal danger.

If your friend wanted your help, he would ask.

Instead, you should tell him that you miss him and that you'd like to see him before you leave for college. What is wrong with this approach?

He may be avoiding you because he can't handle the constant pressure to be "helped," or he might think you're insulting him by assuming he always needs your ear and your shoulder to lean on.

Try not to worry about people and want to assist them all the time. Concentrate, instead, on being a friend who is available in many different capacites.

Trust me. I hate being around people who always want to "help" me. They put themselves in this superior position, and it's irritating. Moreover, none of them have lives that I admire, so getting help from them would be like asking a drowning man to teach me to swim.

Normally, people who seek to always help people are in need of help themselves. They have some type of issue with just being present in other people's lives and always have to set themselves apart by setting themselves above others. Because, when you think about it, assuming that people totally need your assistance is arrogance.

Try being a friend, not a counselor. You may be pleasantly surprised by the results.

Answer 2

i was in a situation like that a few year ago. Let me give you this advice, which is something i should have done also... Give him a call and tell him that you heard he was going to be a daddy and congratulate him, then let him know that if he ever needs help or needs to talk that you would be there for him. After that conversation let the ball in his court, don't pester or pressure him by calling more than that. If he wants to he will call, and by letting him know that you are there will maybe give him a little more peace of mind. But don't and DON"t keep calling him after that. That is where i went wrong.... i cared too much and he too it in a different way. Hope that was some help, you are not alone...

Answer 3

There seems to be like an old crush but you got to see that he is to become a father and maybe a happily married man and if you really like him or love him you need to let him go. Don't go with your gut go with your heart and mind and the other people or friends that are advicing you relate to them and don't go doing the wrong thing. Your parents must of had a good reason sometimes as teens and as grown ups we tend to forget what parents are for because we know it all according to us. But there there because God put them there to teach you the right from wrong so you take it from there and think about it. There is something wrong so go to college and the best of luck.

Answer 4

You seem like a very nice helpful person...and don't let anyone stop you from being just that. Who knows the help you can give this other person that needs it...right?Anyway just be sure you are sincere in this effort and there are no hidden agendas like you just want to get with this guy even if you know 1) he doesn't care already 2) he's in his own messed up life as it is. If this guy doesn't realize the good person that you are enough to be even friends with you...then give him up...he's not worth it.

Answer 5

There's nothing at all wrong with wanting to keep in touch with a friend, or to offer help, comfort, or advice to someone who may need it...

It's okay that you are the one who always calls...if he didn't want you to call, he'd probably let you know...he may just be a poor communicator, or may not feel strongly enough to contact you, but still appreciate hearing from you when you make the effort...

Do what your heart tells you...that way you'll have no regrets...

Answer 6

First of all, your friends don't have to live with your situation and your choices, you do. Remember that. Also, if he didn't care about you as a person, he wouldn't answer your phone call and he wouldn't listen when you try to help him. When helping wayward friends, keep in mind that even if they don't follow your advice, they still listen.

Answer 7

All you truly have in your corner is your instinct and its there for a reason. So dont do something you are bound to look back at and regret and follow what your intuition says. Pay attention, its what will save you greif and heartache later.

Answer 8

I think you should be there for him if he needs you. You should never doubt yourself when it comes to helping others. It is a must! Whether they care about you is not an issue. You must always do God's work in helping others.

Answer 9

Give him a call and tell him what you just typed the worst that could happen is he won't want to be friends

Answer 10

Sounds like you've already made your own decision, and you're merely seeking confirmation from others. Do whatever ya wanna do. You're gonna do that anyway.