Like my poem?

Question

I'm eleven and want to know if you like my poem.

Desperate cries

Out in the darkness
Screaming but unheard
Embracing the deception
No truth no collection
My pain has no word
Blood pours fom my body
Tears pour from my eyes
Love and hate
A twisted fate
Now time for me to die
Desperate cries to the gods above
Desperate cries to the one I love
Desperate cries and all the lies
Desperate cries to conceal the fear in my eyes
Fallen angels becon me
Calling me into their lair
Deciet and pain
Blood pours like rain
caught in a devious snare
Observe
Look in my heart
Look in my soul
You can't see me as a whole
Because I'm torn apart
Desperate cries to the gods above
Desperate cries to the one I love
Desperate cries soon to expire
Desperate cries death I desire
Not alive
Not dead
And endless being
Never seeing
All but what's in my head
So I die
Now free
Washing away
Every day
No last plea
Desperate cries into my grave
Desperate cries so I can be saved

I don't kno what plagrilisim or whatever is

I don't care if you believe me or not i did write this

Answer 1

You have done well in your poem.

A poem is a reflection of our inner mood at the moment and is honest. I would say that it is ok for you to write a dark poem and get it out of your system. Better out than in.

I also think that you have some nice rhyming skills.

Do you write other poems or was this your first attempt.?
If you write others, try taking an old poem and print it out. Then cut each line up and see if you can use it to start a completely new poem with a completely new idea, and in a different mood.

have fun.

Answer 2

Yes, I like your poem- it's very full of real emotion. I am concerned, though, for the state of your mental well-being- you sound to me like you are very depressed and in pain, and in need to the help you are certainly "crying out" for and so far not receiving. If this is true, please write to me (at time4u420 at yahoo)- and I'll do whatever I can to help. I was 16 years old when I wrote poetry much like your own, and I found out (only after doing some regrettable things) that I had a chemical imbalance in my brain caused by clinical depression. I can show you the way to get the help you need, if you really want it. Don't give up on life just yet. There is hope. These difficult and painful times WILL pass. You need to believe this. Write me, and we can talk some more, if you like. God bless you, and good luck to you.
(One more thing: keep on writing. It is theraputic. The last thing you should do is bottle up such strong emotions and keep them inside! You have a gift of expression that could well help others someday. Keep going with it!)

Answer 3

It can be read from bottom to top, also. It's really sad and I hope you don't feel like this, but I guess since you wrote it...more than likely you do. Please don't be so desperate and please just hold on another day and you'll see...things will always be better the next day. Sometimes when things are so dark and full of doom...if you wait another day, something unexpected happens and makes you feel better and see things in a different light. At least this is usually how it goes for me. Hope it does for you, also. Hope you can come to a point that you can write a happy poem. This one is full of sorrow.

Answer 4

I understand the depression and numbness that you seem to be feeling and expressing. You seem to be alienated from the world. You seem very intelligent and that can alienate you. It should make you feel special that you can perceive such things.

Congratulations on the poem. It is expressive for anyone of any age, especially if you are 11. Remember you are special. Caring for others is a painful burden for one with an altruistic heart. God bless you. You will be rewarded for your burden one day. Have patience.

Answer 5

Plaguarism is stealing others work.Your poem is a work of art. See this site for the secret of life. Lots of awesome info.

http://phifoundation.org/life.html

Answer 6

I like that alot actually.

I'm sort of a poet myself, and yours is really powerful...it pulled me in. Very well written. Were you thinking of giving it another form rather than the straight line down?

I think that's the best poem I've read on here.

Answer 7

Pretty Good for an eleven years old

Answer 8

WOW!

i dont know if its my kind of poem but the structure in which it was written is a great start for you, especially if you really are 11.. good luck in your poems!!

Answer 9

Yea it is good. Too long but good. One thing I want to tell you: Plagiarism is illegal! I don't think 11 years old would write that. I actually know you wouldn't ...

Answer 10

I like it! Some people are saying it is dark and gloomy but i think poems can be dark and gloomy because sometimes are lives can!!!! People who say it is dark and gloomy do not know real poetry!!! Good rhyming!!!

Good Poem:)