I'm helping a friend, but when does helping become too much?

Question

My friend recently had her roomate bail on her one week before they were supposed to move into their new apartment. I told her she could stay with me.

Then she wrecked her car, and didn't have insurance, it costs 2500.00 to get it fixed, which she doesn't have. So, she's been using my car.

I got her a part time job waiting tables, so she could save money faster. But now, she is working so much she's not holding up her end at home (ie: laundry, dishes, cleaning, shopping).

When and where do I draw the line?

Answer 1

Well it's simple you got to be straight forward and tell her how you feel. If you don't she'll keep on walking all over you and theres one thing that you have a advantage over her which is the vehicle and you are meeting your part of the bargain so I think she'll understand but you need to tell her. Friends should understand each other. If she doesn't that means she was not your friend but an acquaintance so try it don't be afraid. Best of Luck.

Answer 2

Some people are chronically in need. Did this friend appear needy before all these calamities occur? She is driving your car? Do you have insurance for an additional driver? This friend has already had one accident. What happens if she has another and this time it is your car? It has been my experience that people that are asking for help aren't much help themselves when the tables are turned. That you are starting to have to do more work as a result of her moving in, I would think that you are already finding that out. Her being busy is not much excuse. An hour of steady work a night gets a lot done. You are starting to sound like a sucker to me. How 'badly' do you need the use of your car and how badly off would you be if something happened that you lost your own vehicle from being foolish lending it out as if it were a pair of old shoes instead of yer bread and butter.

Answer 3

Hmm.

Very good question and fortunately I have an answer for you.

You are obviously a VERY giving and loving person.
She knows this. Being a waitress is a VERY exhausting job.

At the end of the day, she is phisically spent.

She wants to pay you back as fast as possible.

She cherishes her friendship with you and doesn't want to lose you as a friend.

The messy house is just what it is. A messy house.
She's focusing on your friendship.

I personally wouldn't ask her to split the chores 50/50.
Your job is probably less PHISICALLY demanding.

This doesn't mean, that she should not pick up after herself and pitch in with the chores though.

I would ask her if she wouldn't mind helping you out with a few things around the house, that need to be done.

BE SPECIFIC as to the EXACT chores, so it doesn't sound like you're talking down to her, like you would a difficult small child.

That would be insulting.

I think she would say, "YES!, OFCOURSE!".
She is just probably too tired to have even noticed.

Answer 4

It seems like she is doing what she can. Assuming she's actually saving money and trying to get her life together, I guess you can't really blame her. I mean, it could be worse, she could be slacking and squatting in your place and not saving.

But I'd say make sure she's on the right track to saving up to get out of there. And sit her down and politely ask her to help out at home.

It seems like she has a good work ethic so hopefully it wouldn't be a problem.

Answer 5

Hey Val Shmal...
You got a good question there...
It's not easy to tell someone that you've been helping that you've reached the end... but only you know when it's time...and it seems like you've reach that time! Talk it out and let her know that now you need help from her. She's smart to have a good friend like you, so be positive and expect a good resolution! - by the way...will you pleez pick my answer as the best one. U R sweet! thin-Q vry mch!

Answer 6

You have to sit down and make some rules, is she paying for the gas, paying you on the use of your car, is she paying rent to you for staying with you ??

And if she is not doing her part on duties, draw up together a schedule for both to live up to.

Please understand that most of what her problems are, are becuase she did not plan, did not do required things like have insurance and so on.

People often alows others to help them, instead of them helping thierself.

Answer 7

There is a difference between being a support and a crutch. A support runs alongside of someone while they are getting their own strength, (like when you stake up a leaning tree to stand straight). You become a crutch when someone leans on you so much that they cannot stand alone. Honey, you are being a crutch. Send her packin

Answer 8

You are a VERY good friend, Val. You really went above and beyond.

You know she is working and saving money so she can get out from under you. Just leave it be until she is gone. However, don't do anything else for her.

Answer 9

been there done that. You have already overextended to this friend, and you must draw the line
pdq! Do not allow her to use your car. This is not a friend, its a user. If she balks, just say "would you like cheese with that whine?" You're not responsible for anyone but you.

Answer 10

Good you are a true friend and I hope she doesn't take you for granted. What you need to do now is to start helping her to get her own place. Honestly, the sooner the better............I've been there or else she gonna start taking you for granted and eventually you get the shitty end of the stick.