Overlook insults to have a good family atmosphere or stick to your values and demand the respect u deserve.?

Question

During a conversation w/ my sister in law (18yrs), she brought up touchy subjects and when i (21yrs) commented on them (objectively i'd say), she went off on me. By swearing and telling me i am not a part of the family and stay out of her and her family's business. I get that she has personal boundaries and that maybe i dont have a right commenting on things until she brings them up - which she did. but still, i apologized. She says she may have crossed some lines, but she had a right to say those things, and refuses to apologize. I see some bad character traits in her and now i refuse to let her see my son, at least until she apologizes and accepts me. i think i deserve that respect at least. Now my mother in law,(they live together) is angry at us and accuses us of being childish, by holding baby over both of their heads. we told her she could see baby but not over there w/ sis in law there. Am i being absurd to stick w/ it, even though it affects us all incl. my only 2 yr marriage?

I have already written her a letter, i just havent sent it yet. I figure maybe she will see where i am coming from better. Any suggestions what else i could to to solve this quicker? To change her attitude towards me, i never said she had to think i am her best friend, just that she accept that i am a member of her family..

I want to try to work this out i am not angry i just feel that i deserve a certain amount of respect and if i cant get that from someone then why should i allow them to be around my son, he is only a child and will be very impressionable

Answer 1

I stick by what I say, and if she brought up the subject matter than she should be able to take whatever criticism was dealt back to her. If you screwed up stand up and say "why yes,.. I am a screwed up person. I take full responsibility on my actions". Or just keep the subject to yourself.

She obviously wanted some input, she just didn't like the response.

Honestly she is young and in all probabilities she is not going to apologize to you ever. You might have to give in to keep the family together but just know that she is not the person to have respectable, or even adult conversations with.

Answer 2

The first time I met my former grandfather-in-law, he told me, and I quote, " As a general rule, I don't like southerners." This was at a Thanksgiving dinner with my ex's whole family present. I just nodded and ignored him. In-law's are always a pain. What does your wife say? Does she agree with you? If your mother in law is a good person, let her see the child. Otherwise, you are depriving both of them from getting to know each other. However, if you have a serious disagreement with the sister in law then don't allow her to be an influence on your child. She is 18 and will probably change her mind like most kids change clothes. She may turn out to be a great aunt for the kids. Don't slam any doors in her face, but let her know that you don't agree with her and don't want her speaking of certain things around your child. Other than that, let it go. Her opinion should really not be a matter to worry about.

Answer 3

Sometimes sticking to your guns is best...sometimes swallowing your pride and doing what's best for "family" is what's best...this issue doesn't seem serious enough to let it get out of hand, or fester...if your sis in law is that touchy, simply don't comment on any issues she brings up unless she specifically asks for your advice or opinion (then give it, and be honest)...

It's not worth trouble in the family and issues with children, over subjects that probably werent' THAT important anyway...let it go and get harmony back in the household...

Answer 4

You know, you cannot pick your family. You be stuck with them. And your mother-in-law has a point.
All the adults should have an NON CONFRONTATIONAL sit down conversation, and get a few things out in the open. Sometimes, one must tolerate family to keep the peace. Hopefully this minor feud will pass.

Answer 5

You're not wrong at all. Demand the respect from them and stick with your values. If you give in on this, you will have nothing to stand on in the future. If she didn't want to hear your opinions in the first place then she shouldn't have talked to you about the stuff. And you're your son's mother so if she can't treat you right, then she can't treat your son right. Good luck:)

Answer 6

Stick to your standards. Do not tolerate disrespect from anyone. Of course, you husband will be caught in the middle, but hold your ground and continue to speak your mind. No one can tell you what to say. In this country remind her there's a thing could freedom of speech. She doesn't have to agree with you, but you have a right to voice your opinion!

Answer 7

tell your brother in regulation this. "understand is earned, not given". you do not merely hand out understand for human beings, they opt to act in a way which could make you want to understand them. From what you've reported, it feels like you're doing what you may to be civil to this woman. in the journey that they don't opt to come back to any relatives reunions over the count number number, then that is their loss. i does not swear it too a lot. highly over this variety of infantile count number number. perchance them lacking some relatives events merely may knock some a lot needed experience into them about what it ability to be respectful.

Answer 8

I just had a similar thing happen with my family,, You need to be the bigger and better person and let it go. Enjoy life it's way to short to be angry at someone.

Answer 9

i think that you should demand the respect that you deserve. you have your own opinion and its as valid as hers. if you dont stop and get the respect you deserve from her then you might not do that in other situations! it affects your marriage and you may think that it will ruin it but i think that if you dont stand up to your sis then if you go through pain you wont stand up to your husband.

Answer 10

WELL I WOULD SAY DO NOT TAKE YOUR PERSONAL VENDETTA WITH YOUR SISTER INLAW OUT WITH YOUR SON... ALLOW THEM TO SEE HIM JUST DO NOT GET OUT OF THE CAR AND DROP HIM OFF HEY ITS FREE BABYSITTING.... ANYWAY JUST STOP ....TRY TO TALK IT OUT.... THIS IS QUITE PETTY... SHE IS ACTING LIKE AN 18 YEAR OLD AND YOU ARE ACTING LIKE 21 YEAR OLD... GET OVER YOURSELVES AND STOP ALLOWING YOUR PRIDE TO GET IN THE WAY.... GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS...