Mature Advice Pls: About Relationship...?

Question

I'm doing all I can to save money and to have at lest some spending money, so we are moving back with my parents, hard enough. I make my fiance his dinner to take to work usuallu but sometimes I'm tired from my job and can't. When I don't prep his lunch , he doesn't take anything although if he tried to go fix something which takes 5 minutes, he would have lunch.
I found a receipt, he ate out. I don't care if it was 3 bucks, we do need to get some discipline with money here. He's very prone to this, very lazy about making his lunch for work, getting ready a bit earlier so he won't be late, etc.
I know 3 bucks isn't much to most ppl, but it is to us. And it pisses me off when he does this.
So I wrote on it, "This si why I usually cook." He saw it was tossed it and said, "oh whatever girl".
How would you react to this? Any advice?

pls note, this didnt just happen once.
It happens frequently. He's not good at taking care of himself.

about the advice to tell him to meet me in the shower, I can't even ask him to have sex when I'm in the mood b/c he'
s only in the mood twice a month. Literally.
Then he wonders why I feel I'm not attractive to him.

Answer 1

My advice would be to let him cook for himself and make his own meals. He's a grown man, he's fully capable of doing so. Sorry, but I'm married and I never cook - I can see doing something for a special occasion but that's it. Of course, my situation is different - I work days and my husband works nights so he's never home when I come at 5. When he does have a day off, he usually cooks. I would feel like his mom if I stood there cooking for him all the time.

Answer 2

When money is tight everyone is more sensitive. Everyone wants the other to help because we feel that we are doing everything we possibly can. Just as you are tired from work so is he. In his mind, I am sure he thinks he is doing a good job. I thought you were gonna say he went out and had beers and a steak with his friends and dropped $30 or something.

How much does it cost you to prepare a lunch for him? If he spends $3 per day that is $15 per 5 day work week. Do you get lunchmeat, bread, all the stuff that goes into his lunch pail for less than $15 per week? You may do better financially to just give him the $15 for lunch each week. and let him be responsible for it himself.

Sure you are not getting the healthiest food for that money, but he is able to do his thing and you are able to do yours. We can tell them what we want them to do, but we can not tell them how they are supposed to do it - and why do we want to? We love them as they are and then we want them to act like us.

Compromise is always the way. Don't get angry - if that is what works for him, great. If it is inexpensive, perfect. He can eat healthier next year when you are on your feet. He is already moving in with your folks - that can't be easy on him.

Be kind to one another. I have been hearing so much lately about how most people are super kind to everyone they meet and then they get home and relax and are rude to their family. Life can be difficult, we need to build each other up if we want to be successful.

Peace!

Answer 3

Firstly, everyone has this type of financial problem, to different degrees. But it is not unique. The real issue is not the receipts, its the feeling that you are not working in partnership together towards a goal. That you are not sacrificing equally. He is frustrated that you are being a nag over 3 bucks, you need communicate that it's not the 3 bucks. (p.s., we guys -- not intuitive; please say what you mean... if I read your receipt, it would not dawn on me what your frustration is... the only reason I think I get it now is b/c 10 years of marriage has enlightened me). Anyway, try to talk to him next time and tell him you want to know that he and you are on the same page, and that when he fails, you understand now and then, but it makes you feel you are working alone. Guaranteed he won't say "oh whatever girl" to that! Good luck.

Answer 4

I think the best thing to do would be to sit down and work out a realistic budget. Do it based on your pays (whether it is weekly, bi-weekly, etc...). Then, while you are working it out, you can discuss the whole meals away from home issue. If it is truly cheaper for him to make his lunches and take them to work, then you need to explain this to him. Write it out for him and show him that if he didn't spend $3 a day on lunch, how much it would save you per week, 2 weeks, month, etc...

In my experience, men are not the best when it comes to money issues. Maybe you start giving him an allowance? That might be a way to force him to gain control over his spending habits.

Hope this helps!

Answer 5

Some men r like that. Girl u spoiled him and that is why he isnt making his lunch 3 dollars is alot to me and i understand where u r coming from. But the only thing that i can say is to make sure that u make his lunch r it will continue he doesnt understand b/c u propably do the bills not him. And its not gonna get any easier with u moving with ur parents b/c they tend to make situations worst and they will end up picking sides and not letting u 2 handle things on ur own. Good Luck i will pray for u. u will need it

Answer 6

If I don't make my husbands lunch, he will do it. We have 4 kids all together and money is tight too. How about leaving him post it notes, with "I love you baby" or " meet me in the shower"?
But seriously, turn off the tv and music, get him alone and tell him how you feel. Hurt,neglected, whatever. If he cares and he wants it to work, you two can work it out.

Answer 7

For starters if he is this way now I doubt he will change about money. That is one of the main reasons for divorce these days. One knows how to save and the other knows how to spend it. Usually foolish things is what they spend it on. If he can't control his urge to spend now then think about what will happen later. It will be best if you always have most of the control of paying bills and the money. Good Luck

Answer 8

Money is a tough subject, and it is why most marriages end in divorce. I know what you are saying about the 3 bucks. It's aot of money to me too. You need to sit down with him and tell him about the financial problems and why you wrote that note. he needs to listen. Good Luck. I know exactly what you are saying and going through.

Answer 9

T ell him this is why you both have to stay with family ,It's time to grow up ,every penny counts.The sooner he sees this the easier it will be to save money to get out .If he doesn't care then hes just looking for a free ride .Most lazy ***** would rather let others support & put a roof over their head.That way they can waste their money on bullshit.

Answer 10

This is your fiance i guess this explains why he is not your husband....Make him a ex-fiance and find you a real true man..You would be better off with out any of this type..