sex with husband?

Question

he is 50yr, and im 43yr. and married 16yr.
he doesnt want sex. says he is busy and tired and I dont keep his hours.
I work outside the home, 40hr weekly.
how to get him interested in me? im not fat!!!
i try to just touch to wake him and he moves my hand off him and says no. I have tried to suck on him and he pushes me off and says not now.
he works 4 30am, and work at night till 10pm. when to have sex, and how to have it so he wont push me away?

how do i know if he is "gay"?
how do I know if he is seeing someone else?
he works all the time and dont think he is either of these.
could he not like sex? and dont want to tell me he dont like sex?
16yr married? yes married 16yr.

he starts waking up at 4 30am(when alarm goes off) and leaves house at 5 45am to be at work at 6am works till 3 30pm(monday thru friday) works a factory job--quality control--makes sure the other people are doing their part right.
2) I do his laundry and cook dinner every night and do the grocery shopping for him.
3) have asked straight out to him--are you seeing another woman?--- he says no, and that he dont have the time for that and when would be the time.
4) in the 16yr we have been married, he never wants to talk ; even at night; about our relationship or what is going on--- he has always told me we could talk about this in 2 yrs, and 2 yrs never has come about.
5) he has no medical condition and is not on any medication of any kind. ----when we do have sex, he is completely satisfied afterwards and that he dont need anymore for a week or 2. dont know if sex interests him or not. just thought it did since he is a man.
6) he is 50yr, and no the sex and our living and our jobs------

have not changed in the 16yr of marriage.
7) we just bought first house and he is doing some of the remodeling after work each night, and he owns 5 trailers in a trailer park and 3 renters have moved out and needs to be cleaned so he can rent them out again.
8) he wont talk about this or our relationship, have even asked what happens when 16yr daughter moves out, what happens to us, if we are like this now? he says, so. this is all he has to say.

any suggestions what could be wrong now? how to tell if he is having an affair, since:
he works at 6am till 3 30pm and works at the house and on trailers from 7pm till 10pm. and on friday and saturday nights, he goes to another part time job--weighing in trucks--- from 4pm till midnight. only day completely off is sunday but needs to rest for monday and start the work routine again.
so when to have sex day?

HE HAS NO MEDICAL CONDITION!!!! HE IS NOT HAVING SEX WITH ANOTHER WOMAN!!!!!
HE IS NOT ON MEDICATION!!!!!!
SO, WHAT IS THE PROBLEM???
BEEN MARRIED 16YR, OUR ROUTINE HASNT CHANGED, OUR LIFE HASNT CHANGED!!!!
WE HAVE A 16YR DAUGHTER IN THE HOUSE TOO!!!!!!
SO WHAT TO DO ABOUT THIS???
SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE SOME GUIDEANCE OF HOW TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HUSBAND????

Answer 1

He's exhausted, and so are you! You need your own time. Take it for yourself. What country do you live in? Neither of you have a life. Neither of you have enjoyment. Do you have friends? You live in a dark hole of nothing. You must do things that you enjoy doing. Whether he wants to or not. You NEED a LIFE outside of the one you lead.....which is NO life at all. And YOU must change it. If you want happiness. You need to decide WHAT you want...and WHAT will make you happy. NO ONE can do that FOR YOU. Stop worrying about what's going on with HIM. And start thinking about YOURSELF! Because obviously he doesnt know what happiness is. Nor does he even have any idea how unhappy you are, so how could he begin to care?

Answer 2

If you are telling the truth? I feel sorry for you. I'm a man and am the same way with my wife. I don't mean to be but I've been taking Prozac (antidepressant) for quite a few years and I think this is the main cause. But on the other hand back when I was working the way I should, no matter what I did wasn't good enough, didn't last long enough, should do this, should do it this way. By the time she got through with me I felt more like a machine than a man! It doesn't take much to tear a mans pride down, no matter how strong he is. I hope this helps......

Answer 3

Perhaps he is suffering from depression. Have you tried to talk to him to see if something is bothering him emotionally? Sometimes emotional issues can actually cause physical issues in the sex life such as impotence or a lack of sex drive.
Do you ever have ANY time together even for just talking? Maybe the crazy hours you are both working is interfering with your relationship.
Start with talking. See if he'll open up to you about what is bothering him. Then maybe the two of you can work from there.
Maybe he just misses spending real time with you.
Good luck.

Answer 4

Heres how you can tell what's up....(Even though deep down you something isn't right!)....Ask him can you have a friend over or Will he'd mind you getting some on the side?

No one in a marriage should be deprived like that in a marriage, because it is hard enough going through financial adjustments, work, kids, events...life situations. He is wrong & I know what you are going through...been there....but now I am free. Good Luck...Maybe you should fly on down to Texas.... I got some hooks up! lol

Answer 5

I think to find an answer to your question one has to zero in a bit more on his excuses. He talks about being busy and tired and you don't keep his hours. What does that mean? Does he enjoy sex, but at a different hour or time of the week? How does he 'explain' his excuses and are any of them with merit? What kind of job does he have that get's him out of bed at 4:30 and out the door? Is he interested in all sex, or just sex with you? Sorry for all the return quesions, but to know more is to answer better.

Answer 6

What has changed in your marriage that isn't there now that was there before? I know most men that ignore their wives usually lose them to someone like me. I'm not bragging just stating a fact. If a man knows what a woman needs he obliges her. He goes out of his way to make her feel like she deserves to feel. If your husband is not doing this with you then you should check out his work habits. Find out why he's really working so late. I have a motto I'll treat you like a Queen as long as you treat me like a King. How do you treat him? Try treating him special if that doesn't work then I have a number you can dial!

Answer 7

Almost EVERYONE goes through stages where they just do NOT want sex. Maybe your husband has an erection problem. Maybe he IS too tired. Why can't you ASK HIM. Wait till you are in bed together, and talk softly to him. Just tell him that there appears to be a problem, and that you want to know what it is. Ask him if it is YOU. If you are soft and sweet, and understanding, he will tell you. Just let him know that you are lonely for him. Say, it is not just the sex I am lonely for, but I am lonely for you to talk to me about what is going on, and why you don't want me.

Answer 8

Make sure he is not getting some from the side. But if this continues it would be better for you two to sit down and discuss a timetable for sex; i know it sounds weird, but at least that way you know the days you guys would be getting it on.
Good luck.

Answer 9

something is definitely going on, you probably feel it with your sixth sense but are not willing to admit it. He is not being honest with you. Not saying that he is cheating, it may be something emotional or work related. Either way, he owes it to himself and to his wife to fix it and get help... or get out. You need to put it to him just like that. It sounds to me that you have done your best to keep things going. It helps to know that guys need some variety, for lack of a better word, to keep things fresh and not boring, to get better motivated. But that excitement CAN come from one person in a monogomous relationship.

Answer 10

I'll NEVER understand guys like that, it's just unimaginable to me... he'll regret it one day.
That being said, maybe he's hiding a medical condition from you