What to do if you're a lonely African American male with multiracial background?

Question

Well, I am a black male of multiracial bkgrnd. My mother is black and from Guyana and dad is Jamaican with ancestry mixed (Indian, White, Middle Eastern)

Sometimes I feel like I don't fit in society . I don't have any friends and feel very lonely at my age, 27. LOL. I'm single and don't have kids. I had one good friend and she betrayed me when she borrowed money and refused to pay me back. I didn't sweat it, but I felt like she was using me..

I live in NYC and tired of my surroundings. I need a change and I'm awaiting until I finish my masters. My problem is, I feel like I'm not black enough to have black friends because I look too "soft" and not white enough because I've grown up in a black culture where thinking and being intellectual was wrong and I feel like I don't have the critical thinking skills to converse with white people most of the time.

Anyway I am lost and lonely and don't know what to do. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can feel better about life?.

I worked at a predominantly urban black high school as a teacher last year (the same one I graduated from) and I was harassed underlying because I lacked what they said "classroom management" because I was friendly yet slightly stern with my students and not too harsh.

I am leaving that school in hopes of a going to one with a mixed population so I feel like I don't have to pretend to be something I am not.

Answer 1

Be yourself. If you use other people as a yard stick to measure yourself up against you will never be happy. Don't pretend to be something other than what you are to please someone else or to conform to someone else's idea of what you should be. 'To thy self be true.' This comes first and foremost. When you are being yourself and not pretending to be something other this is when a person is most happy. Try to focus on positive things in your life. We all have value and have something to that we can give to our communities through our abilities. Sometimes it just takes a while to find our niche. You will fit in just fine. You are an individual. This country is so huge and sodiverse there is ample room for everyone. People are not all the same. I applaud you on your academic studies. Put your goal in front of you and don't let anything detract you from it. Work toward your goal. When you are finished you will be a professional and can work here or anywhere in the world in this global economy. Don't fret. I for one am rooting for you and wish you all the best. There is nothing wrong and everything right about being intellectual. Be yourself.

Answer 2

You live in New York City - I am from New York City and you know there are all kinds of people living there - I am sure there are many, many multi racial people living there. But you can be friends with everyone: white, black, yellow, red - it really doesn't matter. Just be yourself - be proud of who you are and be open and accepting of others.

In other words, put the racial issue aside, just look for people that you like, that you enjoy being with, that you have things in common with and you are on the same wavelength with - this is the most important thing.

My brother, a white, Jewish man married an African American woman. Her family had always mixed and intermarried with white people. They have children - multi-racial - and I think they just make friends without worrying about race and culture. Also, the most important thing about making friends is to be a good friend - to know how to give and take and to be supportive.

So instead of focusing on what you think other people are thinking, just focus on the person as a person rather than as a member of that race and/or culture, and perhaps you will feel it's easier to connect that way.

Good luck!

Answer 3

You sir are on the right track but here is somehignto keep in mind.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson 1992

Answer 4

im 13 and sometimes i feel like that with my black friends and its hard because i like alot of things that people want to call "white actin" plus i date a white guy...but it'll be fine...

maybe if u moved to a place where the black people arent some igornant..cuz thats what it seems like ur around...

they probably dont want to be doing well so there for they try to put you down....

Houston is a cool place...

um...maybe move to a place where the people dont have their heads up their @ss and arent hiding under rocks

laters

i know that kinda didnt help but i tried :)

Answer 5

Pfft boy...just go out in life...it doesn't matter what you act like or what you look like...it's all life...if you can't find friends that don't like you just by your looks then they aren't good friends..it's HARD to find good friends...just go out their more...I think it's harder to find friends in New York as an adult...but good friends ARE hard to find...just wait...