how do i handle my mother in law problem?

Question

I have been married for 5 years and have 2 children with my husband, well i resently went back to work. how do i deal with my mother in law hubby and i are fighting about it because he doesnt want to hurt her and yet hes having no problem watching her hurt me "emotionaly" she cut my daughters hair after being told not too . gets defencive when my husband and i ask her not to do something with the kids then does it anyways. it almost like she acts like they are her kids. she just bought them something from my kids"for fathers day" like she didnt think i could handle it . Its really strssing me and hubbys realationship he sees it but doesnt want to hurt her . i asked him : is it worth losing your wife? and he said no someone please help us

Answer 1

Broken Angel, sometimes mother-in-laws think because these are their grandchildren they can help you out by doing things like cutting hair and so forth. I take it she is watching the children while you work. I know daycare and babysitters are expensive but to save your marriage and other problems have you gave it thought of finding someone else to watch them? If that isn't a option then I would find a time when no stress for either you or her and tell her how much you like her keeping the kids because you totally trust her with them, but that you feel she should ask before doing anything with them like that. Also tell her that she was nice buying something from the kids for your husband but you had already planned something and it hurts you because you feel that she doesn't think you can handle these things. Be honest but yet careful how you word it. True this shouldn't be happening but don't let her make you and your husband at each others throat. I am sure he is trying his best with her. She probably is very lonely and nothing seems more important to her then her grandchildren and son, so remember when talking with her that there may be a lot of things going on in her life. Always be honest with her but in a tactful way.

Answer 2

First I'd tell her if she does something that you have asked her not to do (cut hair) then she will not see the children until she can respect you and your husbands wishes. Your husband needs to grow a pair if the mother is disrespecting you. He doesn't have to be mean about it but he should say something in your defense. Is she really worth all the stress she is putting on you? She needs to know that she has already raised her children and that you and your husband are quite able to raise your own.

Answer 3

This is a typical power play for a manipulative mother in law. Establish boundaries, my dear because she will walk all over you!! He may be her son, but YOU are his wife, and those are YOUR children. She must respect your position in your home or else you will never get respect from her OR your children. Don't let her squeeze you out of your position in your own family!!

Answer 4

i think you are being very insecured,after all shes your husbands mother,she wud'nt do anything to hurt her own son and his family,m sure.........but still if you feel uncomfortable i guess you guys should move on and live seperate.

right now you are going thru something thats called a mix of jealously and insecurity.you feel challenged by your mom-in-law about which you arent aware.

you feel you can handle your kids all by yourself but you forget that you are not even able to be with them all the time due to your work.

so just try and relax and think about it............you'll get your answers!!

Answer 5

Your mother in law is puposely antagonizing you and disrespecting you. I warn you, you are losing credibility in your childrens eyes. You are the mommy, the protector. Yet, you can't protect them from her. As far as your husband, shame on him. If you have a son, you need to explain to him that you understand what it's like to be a mother to a male and the thought of having to share him someday with another woman is threatening for you. (Just BS and go with it ) HOWEVER, you also understand that for your son to be happy, you must never upset their marriage like his mother is doing his. Additionally, you need to put up whatever gifts and toys she gives your family. Explain to the children that it is your job to provide these things and although Gramma was kind enough to be intrusive, gifts and toys will come from you. If that doesn't work then throw them out. I'm serious. The guilt of throwing away money will disappear with the satisfaction you get from throwing them away. If and when dear ole granny asks you or advises you on anything, tell her that as much as you appreciate her concern, to please understand and allow you to grow into the mother and wife that you want to be. Furthermore, if your husband can't be a man and defend his family and stand up for his wife, find one that is.

Answer 6

She will disregard anything you and your hubby say until you put your foot down very very firmly and let her know this is not acceptable and neither of you are putting up with it. If her feelings get hurt, too bad. She shouldn't of butted in where she has no business butting in in the first place.