What is your alien abduction story?

Answer 1

My x-wife came down and aboducted all my money and then she jumped on her spaceship and left.

Answer 2

Was laying in my bed lonely for my man, looked out the window and saw a slow moving light in sky coming towards me.

The alien ship hovered over my house and the roof mysteriously faded away and a alien-being slowly descended.

He said "can i help you with anything... anything at all"?
i said "Oh no, just waiting on my man", suddenly he transformed himself into my b/f.

My man was an alien all this time and i didn't know it! So we drifted up into the mothership and went to the planet Rema, where we're happy.

Answer 3

In the middle of the night following the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November of 2000, I got taken away to a planet that accepted George W. Bush as "President of the United States."

Answer 4

i bought an alien off of ebay. after the ups guy delivered it to me, i took it out of its huge box. i took care of it for about three days. one day, while i was taking it for a walk, it ran off into the woods. i followed it into the woods, figuring that i had been in there a million times, so nothing was creepy about it. after following it for about 10 min, their was a huge flash of light and i passed out. when i woke up, i was on a planet called Ulimentishza. then the other aliens took me sat me in front of a huge feast table. they said something in Ulimentza, their offical language, and all cheered. and for everyday in the rest of my life............i partied.

Answer 5

So, anyway, there I was, driving to Tucumcari about three hours before dawn with Al the ******, and Joni and Jake in the truck behind us. That suited me, because Joni and Jake are always fighting (they've been married 6 months, so the honeymoon is definitely over), and I'm a better driver than Al the ******, so there I was in the lead truck.

The next thing I knew, we were all sitting in front of Souixzie Sue's Authentic Indian Artifacts and Real Estate, and it was broad daylight. Well, Goddamn. I got out of the truck and went over to Joni and Jake, and they were having an argument about how their truck was parked sideways.

"Hey!", I shouted, "You guys have any idea how we got here?"

Joni sneered and threw her cigarette out the window, and Jake shrugged his shoulders. "You was in the lead truck, we was just followin' YOU."

Al the A. was climbing down out of his side, and that's when I noticed that he had his head on backwards. Then I realized it wasn't his head, but his clothes were all on backwards and it kind of made it look like his head was screwed on wrong.

"Al, you better get into the men's room and get your clothes on right," I said, "They have laws about that kind of thing, here."

Al looked down at himself and frowned. "You do this?"

"Hell, no; I'm not that way."

That's about when the Police showed up. The Deputy had a soft gut that rode on the edge of his belt. "You, let's see your license."

I didn't know what else to do, so I took out my license and registration and gave them to him. "What's the trouble, Officer?"

The Deputy was scowling at my license as if it were written in French. "We got a call that there was some trouble out here...something about a drunk driver." He handed me my cards back. "You drunk?"

"No sir, we don't drink."

The officer leaned in close, trying to sniff me. He seemed disappointed and drew back. "Well, you see to it that you don't cause any trouble out here. I'm letting you off with a warning." I heard Joni snort.

The Deptuy got back in his car and drove off west, leaving us in the lot in silence under the white-hot sun. I turned around and looked for Jake. He looked away, guilty, and tried to slump down behind the wheel. That's when I knew it was him.

"Jake, you bastard, you did it again, didn't you?"

Jake tensed and released his shoulders. "It was just a little. Everybody does it."

I strode to his door and yanked it open. "Well." I grabbed his Thermos. "We aren't everybody." I opened the Thermos, and the tell-tale aroma wafted up: coffee. I poured it on the ground. I turned to Al the ******, who had crept out of our cab and was trying to hide another Thermos bottle. "That one, too. Spill it." Al screwed off the cap and reluctantly poured black coffee on the sandy soil.

I looked at all three, now all shifting and gazing off in any direction that wasn't eye to eye with me. "What the hell's wrong with you guys? We're on duty. You know what this stuff does to us."

I walked around and opened the latch on Jake's truck, and hoisted the door. The inside rang with metallic echoes, the six cages empty. "Look at this," I said. "You come around here and look. We've been on duty two days, and not one abduction. We're not out here to screw around."

Joni sighed. "I'm hungry, can we get something to eat?"

"Oh, great, now you've got the munchies." I took my commex out of my pocket. "I'm going to say we've had a flat. That'll buy us some time. But, no more coffee, no more excuses. I want twelve live specimens in 24 hours, or you can all go back to running the ion drive. And, Al...?"

Al looked up, chastened.

"I never saw you put that coffee in my drink. And, this time, you kept your clothes on. You're improving."

The tension was melting away. Jake got back up into his seat, and Joni lit another cigarette. I climbed into my cab, and Al fastened his seat belt. "So, after this, where are we?"

I pulled the lead truck out of Souixzee Sue's and onto the highway. "Nazca Plain."

Al the ****** shrugged. "It's not as exciting as Abductions Duty."

"Well, someone's got to keep adding new lines."

Al took out his dogeared copy of Atlas Shrugged and, when we were the only vehicles on the road, I linked my drive to the second truck and took us aloft.