why are men acting this way?

Question

I am very good to my bf, I'm always there for him, i even help him to pay his bills while him business on the ground right now, whenever he is upset, or has issues I'm always listening, attentive, and encouraging, when he is sick, i would take lunch breaks to go and get him his meds, foods and liquids. Yesterday I was having a bad day ( I think I blew my interview) and he told me to call him when i was done, so I did to tell him how bad it went and he cut me off and he said that he was busy so he'll call me back, I never got that call, and he still hasn't called. Isn't a bf suppose to be there for a woman that does everything for him? What should I do? And I have been working all of the hours to get overtime so I could fly to see him, I've already brought my tickets so I have to go they are non-refundable.

when we were living together here in NJ, I took care of him when he was sick.

Now he moved to start his business, and I help him with bills.

Answer 1

I Think you should wait & see what his excuse is. My Husband of 7 years ironically did the same thing to me yesterday. I was having a horrible day(I think PMS had a lot to do with it but whatever) He works 2 jobs and is gone from 6am to 10pm. I get the courteousy of a 3 min phone call inbetween jobs usually. So he calls me & I'm trying to vent to him about the way im feeling, & how I feel ready to snap any minute. (We have a 24 mo old & 3 1/2 year old,i'm stay at home mom.) So instead of any kind of support or encouragement or I'll get off work & come for a while! He cuts me off, says he has to go!!!! Fury broke loose. Now I have a broken phone!!!

Enough about me though sorry!!

I hope he has a good reason, then after you hear it. You should grill him & let him know that you were in need of some serious support, and tell him how you feel about it.

Go ahead and go to see him, but keep your eyes & ears open. You'll get a real feel for whats going on. It's sounds like your being really supportive for him during a rough time, maybe just remind him that it's hard on you too.

We all get & give support, respect, & love. If you truely feel that you're the only one ever putting in to the realationship & not getting anything in return then dump him. Or ask him if theres a really good reason that you should continue to support him w/ out his support. It doesn't cost anything to spend five minutes on the phone letting you vent & then maybe telling you he knows you can do better next time or don't let it get you down, There the ones loosing out if they don't hire you etc.

So as you can see I know the amount of frustration you would feel. I still can't believe he did that to me. I'm still mad over it too!! I don't think I'm done w/him yet.

GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 2

(Is this the question that you were referring to when you asked for real answers that are helpful etc?) I don't think its fair to generalize and say all men, but I think you know that and are just upset. It does seem like you are being taken for granted by your b/f. You do not have to fly out to see him just because the tickets are non-refunable. You know that too. Don't use that as a crutch. If he is taking advantage of you, take control of the situation and call him on it. Don't be used like this. I do not do anything similar to what this guy is doing towards my wife that I had. We were very respectful and took care of one another on a regular basis. We were also good friends and that made a big difference. No one was the boss. We loved one another and we showed it. We were also honest with each other and told one another if we had a problem with the other and we listened. It is a mutual comittment to be in a serious relationship. This guy will only use you as much as you let him. You need to stand up for yourself, tell him how you feel regardless of how you think it will make him feel. That is his ownership not yours. Too much nonsense in relationship and too much games being played. Stand tall and be firm. Hope you listen and that this helps. If it don't at least I know that I truly tried.

Answer 3

I agree with the first two answers.

In addition, long distance relationships are hard to maintain, even under the best circumstances. For example, if you where already married with children, maybe the challenges of distance could be overcome; military families do it all the time.

Why are men acting this way? Wish I knew the answer. All I have is experience... and my experience does not bode well for you.

When I was in my 20's, my friend left the country for work and school. He wrote, saying that when he returned home "we would talk, touch and communicate." When he returned home, he got married... I didn't even know the women.

Thank you for directing me to your question. I will continue to read your answers to see if they might shed some light on my daughter's situation. Or perhaps, bring a little hope to all of us.

We can only do what we do; love our men. I know that I did, and it sounds like you love your bf very much. My daughter has carried a torch for her guy since first meeting him. They met in the 4th grade.

In their teens, the two got together for a moment. Unfortunately, by this time we were living in a different state. Another long distance affair. It did not work out.

One time, they were suppose to meet in France. He was suppose to call her when he arrived. But of course you know the ending to that story.

I wish you the best. But again, I agree with the first two answers.

Answer 4

He has moved on without you. Don't pay one more bill for him, and when he ask why tell him the cow is dry. He doesn't have time for you anymore because he is probably involved with someone else. If a man is madly in love with you, he will drive you crazy calling you at all hours, and he would not have moved away from you without asking you to go with him. Something is wrong with this picture. You need to treat yourself better than that. You deserve to have a good man who will help you out and be there for you when you need him. Don't let him candy coat it so you are paying his bills. He figures he can get you to pay his bills and he can use his money to have fun since he knows your not around. Don't call him, or give him another dime.

Answer 5

I used to be with a guy like that, you do everything for him and he does dick all for you. I paid his bills because he "couldn't find a job he liked", while he just sat on his *** on the computer. Whenever he had a problem I was there for him anything he wanted he had. Eventully my friend explained the situation to me from her point of view and I finally got it. I broke up with him, it was the best thing I have ever done!! You could always go wherever the destination is and not visit him, go visit someone else or take a small vacation. You are probably better off with someone who is willing to give you the attention that you are able to give back!

Answer 6

It's not "him acting that way", but "you acting that way". You are falling into the pattern of an "enabler". Do you feel the strong urge that he must be helped or saved? Then you're being an enabler. Do you feel pride in the way you act towards him? Then you might be an enabler and that's your weak spot: that you can't see the mistakes you're making. He needs to be empowered to help you, not the other way around. There needs to be a balance. You need to bring the "man" in him. You can't do that by paying his bills. He's not acting like a man anymore, not supporting you when you're down. Because he only likes it when you're up. Don't be the wind beneath his wings. If you love him, take your support away and this will bring a turn of the tide.

Answer 7

I'm with 'kielbasa' up there about why you need to fly to see this b/f who you been telling us you take such good care of and who's bills you pay. Either you haven't explained the entire situation completely or your story doesn't hold water.

In any case, assuming such a situation, my suggestion to you would be stop allowing him to enable you by being the only positive contributor to a relationship. If you're not getting back out of the relationship what you expected, need and want then break it off and change your life. Any relationship that you expect long term commitment to is one where both parties are giving and getting their expectations of that relationship fulfilled.

Answer 8

There could be a countless of numbers on the side. Maybe he is busy and totally forgot to call or maybe something bad happened. When you go see him tell him how you feel or have him explain himself. Call him and see if he's ok. I hope things work out!
Take care and good luck, don't overreact or get nervous I'm sure things are ok.
Guys are dumb and don't see things the way girls do.
A boyfriend who cares should be there for his girlfriend sometimes things prevent that though.

Answer 9

u take as good of care of him, just like his mom. THATS the problem.this relationship is 1 sided, & its not on ur side. pretend some1 else asked this question. what would u tell them 2 do? u sound like a very smart lady, and its byound me y u put up w/him. 2 answer ur question, i d have 2 say, HE S JUST NOT INTO U. i dont want 2 sound mean about it, i m beng real. take a step back & look at ur relationship. if u go 2 c him. i d break it off. why waste ur time on some1 who isnt there 4 u when u need him 2 b?? theres better tunas in the sea. throw this 1 back.

Answer 10

Try to sell the tickets on EBay--if you do not feel like he is worth the trip. I think he may have appreciated your kindness but now you are seeing that you are maybe being taken for granted. I do not know the length or depth of your relationship. It sounds like you both need to communicate more and set some boundaries and he needs to know that you expect the same attention from him when you are in a crisis. That type of empathy is normal for relationships and he may just be being selfish. Or maybe this was a one time mistake he made. I don't know--but it looks kinda like a red flag.