Am I being cruel or just being frustrated?

Question

For the past 15 years or so my marrage has had less than enough spark to keep the fire going. But the few times that my wife has tried to start something, almost without exception, I have given in, eventhough she hardly ever does for me.
I desided that I would try to make our marrage as unsexual as possible. So I havent even made a move on her in over 2 weeks. This morning she made a move on me and I gave her the brush off buy telling her I didnt feel like it.
I want to see how long I can go and let her suffer how I have suffered for a while.
Am I cruel?

Answer 1

geez thats kind of harsh! get some books or talk about it. hows she sposed to know if u dont tell her?????????

Answer 2

I don't know about cruel, but childish and vindictive, yes.
If you've survived 15 years with pretty much the same sex drive, than what's the difference now?
Take what you can, when you can, and be glad that when she does want sex, she comes to you, and not the stud down the street while you're at work. If you try something, and she isn't in the mood, give her a kiss, tell her you love her, and then be a man, roll over and go to sleep, don't pout for the next 2 days.
A little understanding goes a long way with a woman.

Answer 3

If i was your wife i'd think you were cheating on me, I know that sounds crazy, but it happens cuz if you aint getting it from her you must be getting somewhere else. Your wife must really love you, if she is making passes at you. Do you have kids? i know sometimes sex can be better if you leave the kids and grandmas, and go out to dinner and then home without the kids might spice things up alittle. We have done that before or we went to a hotel, and explored alot of things that we never knew about each other too. Yes i believe you are being cruel and the brush off to a women i believe is hurtful, she going to start to wonder whats up

Answer 4

I think you are cruel for wanting to see your wife of 15 years suffer over your sex life. You are deliberately trying to hurt her because she doesn't initiate sex with you enough when you should feel honored that this woman has the courage to show you she wants you on the occassions that she has. Instead of looking at the faults looks at the strengths in this woman. You might just be amazed with the woman she could become with a man who makes her feel like she is the most beautiful woman in the world. I guarantee it won't hurt your sex life to make her feel that you love her but it will destroy your marriage if you keep treating her as you do.

Answer 5

You both should sit down and talk. Marriage is about communication. I've been married for 21 years. Maybe you should go away for a weekend together with the kids. Try telling each other how you feel and why. Some answers might be harsh for you and her but it will improve your relationship. My wife also a low sex drive. But you learn to live with it if you both love each other. If talking doesn't help then I suggest counciling. The therapist will be able to help you both.

Answer 6

I went 6 weeks without because I was tired of being the only one who initiated. It is childish and stupid and didn't do a darn thing but make me and her miserable. She was very straitlaced and proper and didn't think a lady should do those things. I knew she was like that when we married. In fact she was a virgin when we met at 20. Silly me, I thought she would change once we were married. 18 years of the same thing and then we divorced. Trying to change a partner to suit you is like trying to teach a pig to sing. It annoys the pig and wastes your time.

Seriously, marriage counseling might help. I know how hard it is to communicate without outside intervention to ask the questions you don't want to bring up on your own. Try it. What have you got to lose? Definitely cheaper than divorce.

Answer 7

You both have some communication issues that you need to work on, do you think 15 years of marriage deserves these childhood games. Try working it out like adults and communicate, there's no guarntee that everything will be fine and dandy but at least you both will discover how you really feel even after 15 years, better late than never!

Answer 8

Yeah kinda. I know how you feel... she hurt you and now you want to "show her" and do the same thing back. That kind of action/reaction will NEVER bring positive results. Tell her how it makes you feel, figure out what you two can do about it. COMPROMISE on something in you have to. Marriage means your body is not your own, it belongs also to your spouse. So she should not be with holding from you for too long. You guys need to work together.

Answer 9

you say you'v been married for the past 15 years and if theres no spark left,m sure its not her fault alone.there are things that you guys need to work out together.you should probably talk this problem out with her cos shes not the only one responsible for all of it,maybe she would have felt the same or something more about you in the past.Communication is the key here.you guys need to talk and sort this out and try to work things out and keep the fire on for each other

Answer 10

By witholding anything back in a relationship is not good. Mayber you should try and be an adult and ask what's wrong and explain to her how you are feeling.

I tuly believe that is the best way to solve a problem

Answer 11

I think a better approach to this situation, would be to sit down and talk things out, instead of withholding sex without letting her know why.