My brother is dating a man who he wants a monogamous (or at least committed and primary) relationship with. The guy initially agreed that he wanted this, but after a couple of months wanted my brother to accept an open relationship. My brother is uncomfortable with this but the guy tells my brother that having multiple partners (at a time) is "the gay male norm" and says that studies have shown that gay couples who have been in relationships for >4 years tend to be in open relationships. I want to know what other people's opinions of those claims are.
What say you? True? Not true? True in some circumstances?
2006-07-08 09:25:32 · 12 answers · asked by perseph1 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I think your brother deserves someone better. I think the other guy is a lying cheat and wants an excuse to party. Tell your brother that he does NOT have to settle for anything less than love.
2006-07-08 09:29:41 · answer #1 · answered by Red 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, it is not the "norm". I know several gay male couples who have been together for a very long time and are in a monogamous, closed relationship. That does not mean that I do not know gay male couples who do have open relationships and have also been together for a long time, too. However, it was agreed upon that they both wanted to have an open relationship when they got together. Thus, if your brother is looking for a committed, monogamous relationship then that is what he should be seeking and he should not compromise this. If the other guy is seeking an open relationship then he should not compromise. The two should think about what it is they truly want and then respond accordingly.
In truth I have not seen any studies that declare that open relationships are any more the "norm" than monogamous relationships. And, for the record, I know several heterosexual couples that are the same way and several lesbian couples that are the same way. Some are monogamous and some have open relationships. Again, both people when entering the relationship discussed this and made it clear what they both were looking for and the relationships have been able to last for as long as they have because they both wanted to have the same type of relationship.
And that is the only proof I have seen from the studies I have read that have said that there the "norm" for gay relationships is the same for all relationships and that the defining feature is that both partners when entering into the relationship have to want the same things from the relationship. Which, when you think about it, makes sense. Why would you enter into a relationship with someone when the two of you aren't even on the same page about what it is you want from the relationship?
2006-07-08 23:17:36 · answer #2 · answered by gabriel_zachary 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've known couples at both ends of this. I don't think there is a norm, and I'd sure like to see the study. I know a lot of single gay guys who would like to have a committed monogamous relationship!
2006-07-08 10:33:29 · answer #3 · answered by michael941260 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not think this is the norm. And even if it were...your brother deserves to find someone who has the same ideals he does. If that is monogamy than so be it. He should tell the other guy no to the open relationship and find a man who wants what he wants.
2006-07-08 14:29:05 · answer #4 · answered by scorp 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because each and every individual is Shallow, Immature And Pathetic. It Annoys Me even as human beings Use Insults As "Your gay!" Wow.. What An Insult. the female obviously isn't That a lot Of A music Fan If She can not See previous Sexual Orientation Of Rob Halford And It Bothers Her a lot That She can not delight in the music. No, It does no longer mean They Suck.
2016-11-30 21:24:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have NEVER heard of those studies. And I think it's inappropriate to agree to one thing and then change your mind. I think that there MIGHT be more open relationships in the gay world than the straight, and I have my own theories about why that might be, but I think it's a stretch to call it the norm.
2006-07-08 17:48:54 · answer #6 · answered by Atropis 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately the other guy is pretty much right. As far as your brother is concerned, he needs to say "BYE!" My partner and I have been completely committed and monogamous, but in all honesty it is rare. We know only of one other gay couple that is also monogamous. I completely commend your brother for wanting a truthful and committed relationship. Hell, it is rare in straight couples to be monogamous. As hard as it may be, your brother may just need to take time to find the right person.
2006-07-08 10:11:17 · answer #7 · answered by yokaimayhem 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have not found this to be the norm. I know many gay couples who have been monogamous for many years.
2006-07-08 10:30:16 · answer #8 · answered by Maggie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel that if this guy can't be in a monogamous relationship with your brother who dosen't want an open relationship than your brother shouldn't be with him! that is how i see it!
2006-07-08 09:30:56 · answer #9 · answered by Out and Proud 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the norm for a gay relationship is the same as for a str8 one. there is no difference. your brother should get out now and find someone who can be faithful.
2006-07-08 18:21:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
personally I think that this guy is suckering your brother. If he really wanted to be with your brother than he'd stay with only him. It's not a matter of studies or anything else that anyone can say. It's what happens between the two of them. If this guy wants to be with your brother, then he'd only want to be with him.
2006-07-08 09:44:53 · answer #11 · answered by Danny H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋