Our one year old will not sleep in her crib. Crying it out is NOT an option. Can we...?

Question

Can we place her crib matress on the floor or is it too early? I know they say wait 2 years until you put your baby in a toddler bed but has anyone had a need to do it sooner?

Thanks ladies. More info--

I've tried putting her in when she's drowsy and then also when she's asleep. She always starts screaming.

She is a reflux baby (on meds) who has slept in a swing or with me pretty every night since she was diagnosed at 2 months.

She will be growing out of her swing soon so I've been trying to get her to nap in her crib but when I try, she ends up just missing the nap because she is so upset.

She'll fall asleep in our bed if I am with her so I thought that if her mattress was on the floor in her (very baby-proofed) bedroom, that I could be next to her on the floor and then get up and leave her when she is asleep. We have gates up near all of our stair and the whole house is baby-proofed. She would be in her room with the door closed.

For those of you who insist that crying it out is an option. As I said, it is not. It is cruel. Further, it makes reflux babies experience more pain. It doens't work for many babies. She is one of them. I am not having a power struggle with my baby, please. She just doesn't like her crib. I wouldn't either!

There's some great input her. More info from me: We have a 1 to 2 hour bedtime routine of bathtime, massage, warm cereal, dim lights and lots of reading and nursing. Also, I am a stay at home mom and we spend all day together so it's not an attachment thing. She sleeps in a swing alone for 11-12 hours a night now. She sleeps well with me in bed, but she twilight nurses all night long so I don't sleep (LOL) So, that's why it's come to my wondering about the floor thing. Thanks ladies!

BTW-- We just donated our copy of Pantley's book. We used it from the beginning and it just didn't work for us although I can see why it would for ther babies. Our daughter seems to fall into Dr. Sear's "high need baby" category. LOL

We used to co-sleep but she nursed all night long and would wake up crying if I tried to cover up and sleep. So, it was hilarious, my daughter and husband would wake up all bright eyed and bushy tailed and I'd have bloodshot eyes craving shots of espresso that I can't drink anyway...haha. Thanks.

Currently, her schedule is very consistent. Since 8 months, we've started her bedtime wind down at 6pm (5pm is she is really tired.) She is always asleep by 7pm. She wakes at 5am and I go get her and bring her into bed and nurse her. We usually fall back to sleep until 7am or so.

Answer 1

I've always heard the same thing - wait til they're 2 to take them out of the crib. Well, then there is reality. My 2 children both were climbing out of the crib at about 13-15 mos. So rather than let them get hurt falling out of the crib, I put them in toddler beds. They were little devils - it took a lot of work to get them to stay in bed, but they did. My room is down the hall, and I am a light sleeper, so I blocked the hallway to the main part of the house with a gate. Then I left thier door ajar a little and put jingle bells on it, and kept my door open a little. That way I knew when they were out of thier room and they could get me. I am sure there are many who would think this is unacceptable, but I am confident that thier development wasn't marred by this and they are now 2 & 3 and perfectly well-adjusted.

You seem like an awesome mom. Follow YOUR instincts. If you think she'll be ok, and your house is safe - do it! Who the heck wants to sleep confined like that? Good luck!

Answer 2

You know, you sound like a great mom. Just wanted to mention that before my suggestions - you've got a great bedtime routine going, great habits.

Anyway here's a couple of suggestions -
I dont know your stance on cosleeping (aside from you mentioning that she woke up a lot thru the night to nurse) - but that can be a faze - you could give it a shot again and see how it works. If you have a bigger bed, too, this could help because you all have more space.

I dont think it would be a problem putting a mattress on the floor for her. And a toddler bed is a great idea as well. That way you can lay down with her and nurse her to sleep (or however you do things) and still slip away

also - there is a removeable side on cribs, if you have enough space in your bedroom, you can take that side off and push it against your bed. that way you both have your own space, and she can start associating crib with sleep - and you dont have to get up for night nursings (if this still happens)
hope that helps! glad you dont want to let her cry. It bothers me so much when people suggest letting them cry when you've already said it's out of the question. i've been seeing it a lot lately. did you know that Ferber revoked all his theories about letting babies 'cry it out'? He admitted it's not beneficial for their development. Go figure. Obviously the damage has been done.

Answer 3

I just saw a thing on Dr Phil where the parents wanted a non cry it out option. The baby would be put to bed drowsy, but not asleep. Mommy sat beside the crib in a chair. After 4 days, the chair was moved further away. Eventually it was at the door, then Mom was no longer in the room. Their method had Mom giving a hug and placing back in the bed whenever baby was upset. Since you don't want crying, it would probably take longer to get further away from the door, but it might be worth trying. Can you not stay with her till sleep, then sneak off? I know its harder due to her meds, but getting her used to her crib is the first step, even if you are sitting there with an arm draped over the crib wall. Good luck! Its gotta be doubly hard with her situation.

Answer 4

Yes, if you are comfortable with it, you can put her on a mattress on the floor in her room. Just make sure her room is *very* child-proofed. And expect to have to clean up every toy she owns every morning... But if you're comfortable having her in your bed at night, that's a workable solution, too. Or you could try a co-sleeper (or make one out of her crib by removing the wheels and one long side, adjusting the crib mattress so it's at the same height as your bed, then attaching the crib *very* firmly to your bed with no gaps between the mattresses).

And you're absolutely right about the "cry it out" method of child....uh...raising. It is not healthy physically *or* emotionally for the child. It is also not a good way to teach a baby to go to sleep!! If your eight year old got out of bed 2 hours after bedtime saying she couldn't sleep because she was worried about school the next day, you wouldn't suggest she get as stressed out as possible!! You'd try to help her *relax*!

If you do put her on a mattress on the floor to sleep, you might want to choose something larger than a crib mattress. Most people move around in their sleep more than would be comfortable on a small mattress. Also, after you help her fall asleep on the mattress, I would suggest you wait an extra 5-10 minutes before you get up (until she's in a *deeper* stage of sleep), then get up slowly--first pull away a little so you and she aren't touching, wait another minute, then roll farther away, then wait a minute, then sit up slowly (so as not to jar the mattress).

I hope this helps.

Answer 5

I had the same problem with my daughter!! Even as a baby she would not sleep in her crib period.. I like you seen the crying out method as not an option! I didn't have the heart to do it! I had the crib that changed into a day bed to a toddler bed.. But when she was about 14 months I stopped breast feeding her and intorduced her to the "day bed" with a safety rail along the side where she couldn't fall out.. It worked like a charm and that was the end of that. My next battle was her getting up in the middle of the night, but after a while she learned to go back to sleep on her own (after getting her out of my bed and taking her back to her own).. She's now 2 1/2 and just LOVES her regular toddler bed.. It makes her feel like a big girl

Answer 6

Try giving her lots of love & attention during the day, especially at bedtime. That might fill her need for your presence, if that is the problem. Is there an aversion to the crib itself? Then sure, there is no reason to use one. Go ahead & put the mattress on the floor. I don't see any reason why not to put a baby in a toddler bed- just be sure to use railings, and put rolled-up blankets & padding & whatnot around the spaces around the mattress so they don't get caught, and it is probably good to put an extra mattress on the floor in case (God forbid) they fall out.

I had two kids. The first one I let sleep with us until she was around 2. It was a royal pain- nobody got very good sleep, and she is 5 years old and still constantly wants to sleep with me (I usually go to bed earlier than my husband). It's very annoying, but then, I really didn't put my foot down about the matter, so it's my own fault.

The second one, I put him in his own crib, in the same room, after about one month. Only the first month I let him sleep with us. He did FINE. There was a short transition period of letting him cry a bit. He is 3-1/2 and has had his own room for about 4 months now, and he has done just fine with it, 100%.

I certainly wish I had done the same with the first one. Babies are more resiliant than you think, and unless there is some genuine physical problem that they should be seeing a doctor for anyways, there is no harm in letting them cry it out. It is only you that has the problem. If you don't want to let them cry it out, you ought to prepare yourself now for a lifetime of serving this kid hand & foot, and later on visiting them in jail because you have raised a spoiled brat, because with that kind of attitude, that is exactly what you will be doing.

Answer 7

I would suggest reading a book called "no cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth Huntley (I think). It is an excellent book with great solutions for this without having to use the crying it out method.
Few ideas from the book are like you could try sitting next to her instead of sleeping for few days. After 3-4 days, you can try sitting in a chair nearby, gradually getting her used to sleeping without you around.
I have had my daughter sleep in the bed since she was 15 months old and she knows how to get off and come and look for us if she wants but I would say it depends on the child and whether it is absolutely safe enough.

Answer 8

Crying it out maybe the only thing that will work. But I guess you could try putting the matress on the floor. Then move her to her crib when you think she is ready. If you want to long its going to be hell to move her. Just wondering, why is crying out not an option? It does work and usually only takes a few weeks. Just dont leave her in there the whole time by herself. Let her know you r still there. Good luck to ya

Answer 9

my son is also 1 and will not fall asleep in his crib, I put his mattress on the floor in my room. He usually wakes up before me by 30 minutes or so, but I just make sure there is nothing on the floor or within reach that could be harmful. On the night's that I can, after he falls asleep I put him in his crib. if he wakes up i get him and he finished the night out in bed with me, this has been going on for 2 months now and he is almosty always stays all night in his own crib now, like he got used to it finally, i think if you find something that works for you and your family, stick with it!

Answer 10

Both of mine were the same way - I moved the crib up next to the bed at night so they were still in their crib but pushed right up alongside the bed. It worked until they figured out how to climb out - then I did put a mattress on the floor next to the bed and moved it a little further away each night!

I tried crying them out but that went on for hours - I got tired before they did! So I used to sit with them on the settee until they fell asleep before I put them in the crib. They are 4 & 5 now, my advice is dont listen to the so-called 'experts', do what works for you and your child. Every child is not the same and my children are 4&5 now, and no I dont have any problems with them going to bed ny themselves anymore! The theories that giving into them at bedtime will create problems is nonsense. Babies are only babies temporarily and give them time to get used to something, dont force them or rush them because each one needs something different. You know your child better than any 'expert' and theyll be grown and left home before you know it!

My son had reflux also so he selpt in his car seat for the first 2 months, then i switched him to putting the car seat IN the crib next to the bed!