Need advice on how can tell if a relationship/marriage is based on sex or not. There is alots of love, but sometime it feels like it is based on sex everytime we turn around we are having sex. It is a physical attraction but what about everything else?
2006-07-08 06:57:56 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
if you have more sex than conversations and if the only way to make upeith each other isthough sex
2006-07-08 06:59:38 · answer #1 · answered by ╣♥╠ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you talk and have a relationship outside of sex, like actual dating, spending time together where you don't discuss sex? If so, then your relationship is more than sex. If not, then you need to start building a relationship on something else. Anyone can base a relationship on sex-that's the easy part. The hard part comes when the clothes are back on and you have to relate to one another outside of physical intimacy. Another test-Set up two jars-one is a sex jar and the other is a love jar(secretly, you don't want your partner to know). Put a coin or jelly bean in the sex jar every time you have sex and do the same thing for the love jar, everytime you spend time talking, cuddling-no sex, walking together, spending quality time together(movies, dinner out, etc.), holding hands-All nonsexual activities that you do together. Whichever jar fills up first will let you know which part of your relationship you focus the most on. Best scenario is that both jars are even money. If one is full and the other is seriously lacking, then you know which area you need to work on.
Hope this helps.
2006-07-08 07:10:09 · answer #2 · answered by Yolanda C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you're not having sex are you just as happy to be with the person as when you are having sex? Can you hold a serious, real conversation and also be comfortable in the silence? Could you go to the person and talk about something, either related or unrelated to the relationship, that is really bothering you without worrying that they'll think you're being dumb or childish? Or say if one of you were in a bad accident and were injured in some way that made you unable to have sex, would your partner stay with you? If there are doubts about this, it very well could be just sex. Oh-and something all my guy friends have told me-when you're holding hands, if your fingers are interlocked, it's more than sex. They all say that they won't interlock fingers with a girl they're just using for sex. I'm not sure how true that is for all men, but I've got a large number of guy friends so odds are it's true for at least a good percentage of men. Hope this helps some-good luck with figuring this all out. I feel your pain-I've gone through a similar situation.
2006-07-08 07:31:57 · answer #3 · answered by Erin J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say if you can spend time doing other things and this person communicates about other things, then you will know it's not just about sex. I feel you need an open line of communication,talk to this person and express yourself, if the response is negative or matter-of -fact, then you definitely have a problem. I don't believe a relationship can only be sustained by sex/physical attraction. Sex is a normal part of a relationship, but you need more then that to keep your relationship together for the long run. Good luck.
2006-07-08 07:10:13 · answer #4 · answered by Katherine C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like it is a sex based relationship. Basically you if most of the time you talk about or are having sex, they yes it is a sex based relationship. What ever you do, don't ask your partner if it is, they will most likely get mad at you for your question and opinion. And be sure if you don't want a sex based relationship, that you leave as soon as possible, cause if not you'll get in a whole lot of trouble later on.... Best wishes to you...
2006-07-08 07:09:47 · answer #5 · answered by Late-Nite 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just spend one week analyzing every time you hang out. Are you being sweet to have sex? Are you having more sex then you are just hanging out? If you are, tell your partner that you want to lay back on the sex a bit, to make sure its not a sexual relationshit. If the partner argues it, thats a problem. If they don't accept it, your relationshit was based on sex. If your partner agrees to it and is very nice about it, and you stay sweet and don't fight at all, you have a real relationship.
Or, you could try just calling off sex for a while. Don't tell your partner how long, hint that it might be a long time, but really only make it a week. If your partner and you fall apart in that week, you had a relationshit, not a relationship.
2006-07-08 07:04:43 · answer #6 · answered by Donnie Dragon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The one way you can tell is if the relationship can go without sex. Ask your partner when your around them if you two can go a week or just a day to not have sex. See how your partner reacts. Ask them if they love you and see what they say. If the person loves you sex doesn't have to be the main issue in the relationship. If it's about love, your partner will be willing to wait to have sex with you no matter how long the wait is. You should be able to tell, trust me I've been there before.
2006-07-08 07:02:28 · answer #7 · answered by delawaregirl83 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, this is in one sense relatively simple to answer...but admittedly painful and difficult to actually implement.
Talk to your significant other about your fears. Discuss how serious the implications are - if it's only about sex, there's no way the relationship can mature, grow and strengthen. It's just an animal thing with no real intimacy - and physical intimacy, as powerful as it is, is no fabric to base a long term relationship on, if that's what you're contemplating.
Agree to hold each other accountable to put the physical aside for now. Work on being open and transparent with each other on the other important aspects of your life - what your goals are, what you fear, what you're trying to do with your life.
If you can't openly communicate, or attempts to do so always lead to physical intimacy, yes, you have a reason to be very concerned.
2006-07-08 07:02:47 · answer #8 · answered by Timothy W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think it depends how long you've been in the relationship. if it's recent, than it's natural to have sex all the time. once you've been in a relationship longer, it's normal for it to continue the same or to die down a bit. if a marriage is based on sex, i mean, i don't think that's a vallid statement because that's great if you're married and have lots of sex, cause that's part of marriage, it's allowed, and you shoul dhave sex with your husbant/wife. if a relationship is based on sex, that sucks cause you really should have gotten married first. either way, don't worry about it, at least just enjoy the sex.
2006-07-08 07:05:17 · answer #9 · answered by green eyed monster 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does the other person know your favorite color, how you like your eggs cooked, what makes you laugh, your "song"? These may be things that you might find important, or maybe there are others. But think of the things you enjoy, besides sex. If your partner knows these details about you (and vis versa) and you two share these things, there IS love. You could test the truth behind your love and possibly take a break from the bedroom... and see how happy you are. That would probably be the best bet.
2006-07-08 07:02:33 · answer #10 · answered by nickv003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If that's all he wants then it's only about sex. While the attention is great for a while, it cannot sustain a real relationship. Believe me I know, I was married to someone like that. Took me a little time to figure out it wasn't ME that was special, he just wanted sex all the time. You have to be able to talk with someone and not constantly need/want sex. Good luck:)
2006-07-08 07:00:48 · answer #11 · answered by heidielizabeth69 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋