I was the second child and was known that they wanted a boy, so all my life,no hugs or kisses. Its still that way now..and it hurts to see my parnets love and care for the others and not me. Its like this huge hole in my body. Just to have someone care and love me, my aunts told me I was the ugly one, they are all blond and I have dark hair. Why do I let it still hurt me at 52 yrs old? I get so lonely, I dont know how to stop the hurt.
2006-07-08 05:54:52 · 17 answers · asked by ladyinblue7777 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
You need to have an intervention with your family and let them know how they hurt you. Then get therapy for yourself. You have to let go of the hurt. Do you have your own family now? You need a friend to confide in. Move on. If you dwell on it, it will cripple you forever.
2006-07-08 05:58:31 · answer #1 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like they are the reason from the beginning that has made you this way. Let you in on a secret - all blondes have insecurities. They were probably jealous and I bet you're beautiful. They are shallow people and should not have treated you that way. You may want to get a little counseling and work on being more confident. I know how people can beat other people down (so to speak). It takes a toll. God loves you and that's what is most important. Besides through life, "family" becomes more the ones you are around all the time, and that are there for you through thick and thin. My family is quite distant these days for whatever reasons (several I'm sure, in their own mind). I draw my strength from God, go above and beyond to do the right things, and my son & I are just fine.
2006-07-08 13:08:11 · answer #2 · answered by Howdy! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have my sympathies. I have a name that was created in anger. I was shunned by my mother because I am so much like the man she married and hated. She protected & coddled the son who was born before me, so I spent most of my growing-up years being a tom-boy.
I spent the next 25 years of my life trying to explain their behaviors to the world. All done with no sense of love from either my mother or brother. Their attitudes and actions were not appropriate for any "family." Even when I offered to sit down as adults to discuss what they had caused me to feel/do over the course of my lifetime, they blamed me.
So, 3 years ago, I invited them to go to hell. "Since you can't be a positive part of my life, I'd prefer that you be no part of my life." I'll give them credit - They've pretty much stayed where I told them to go! And I am so much happier for it. I wouldn't keep friends in my life that treat me the way they do, so why should biology mandate that I keep them?
My life is lighter, brighter and more filled with love now that I'm no longer weighed down by them. My heart had a space in it, and people have been quick to fill that space. I got over longing for a mother's love a long time ago, and my adult friendships are stronger and truer than any I had in my youth. If you haven't, then it might be tough on you. I would suggest some counseling, as it has a lot of value when you're not sure where to turn.
2006-07-08 13:09:13 · answer #3 · answered by kaylora 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how awful. you poor thing. I don't have to tell you how terrible your family is. The way I see it, is if these comments were made by friends, you would no longer associate with them, I am wondering if you are around them now. I have never been in your position, thank goodness. I would have a look at yourself and decide if you like yourself. I bet you are a great person. There is NOTHING wrong with you. Your family is the ones with something wrong with them. At 52 yrs. old, you can have 30 years of great life left. Decide that you like yourself, you are a good person, you are glad to be you, get rid of negative influences in your life and go out and enjoy your life!! Go out and make a positive impact on someone Else's life--start over today! You can do this.........good luck and bless you!
2006-07-08 13:05:54 · answer #4 · answered by mama2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ei.. ive been there. I know what ur feeling.. But as i learn to move my way around things.. all the insecurities , hurt and loneliness suddenly left me one by one.. though the change wasnt overnight . You have to work on it. Be determined that you want a change in life. Look at the brighter side of life. Dont dwell too much on those feelings coz that would only consume you and get the better of you..have you tried to go for counselling? that would really be better so you could actually talk to someone.. hope this helps.. goodluck and dont forget to pray always.
2006-07-08 13:08:53 · answer #5 · answered by --gWynEtH-- 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one since you obviously care about your parents. I've developed a lovely defense mechanism for situations like this. I just basically put up a wall. It's protective but isolating. I'm very individualistic, so as long as I know who I am and what I'm worth, I don't really care if others think differently. If this isn't who you are, the situation's a lot more difficult. Given that it's gone on so long, it seems like the only way to deal with this is to find someone who does care about you and sees your value as a person. It sucks that this isn't something you can just do on your own, but it's the only way I know.
2006-07-08 13:01:22 · answer #6 · answered by Phil 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your pain is not unique. Many people grow up feeling left out. I had no idea how many until I watch a Dr Phil program. The most important thing you can do at this stage is to forgive all the people who hurt you. Forgiveness is the beginning stages of letting all that weight go. Its slowing you down from being the lovely swan that I know you can be. Next step would be to surround yourself with people who see the greatness in you. Soon you will see yourself in the same way God sees you. As one of his creations...
2006-07-08 13:01:38 · answer #7 · answered by Earl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot control how others feel about you. Whom others choose to like or dislike is their own doing, even in a family setting (sad but true). Everyone in life has their crosses to carry. Do not let how your family feels about you bring you down. In fact, because this is out of your control, don't even make the disappearance of the pain a goal in your life. I know that sounds odd and insensitive, but what I am trying to say is that you should just live your life as you know you should and not live it for other people. The transgressions of others will be dealt with by God on His own time. Once you realize that living your life for you and not others should be your real goal, then you'll eventually worry less about your situation, and the pain may begin to subside WITHOUT YOU DIRECTLY TRYING TO MAKE IT SUBSIDE!
2006-07-08 13:10:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you cant forget this kind of problem because you cant forget your parents they well stay your parents . every person shows the love in different way you just have to find it out. I'm a lonely girl and i should be the girl that every one love but no one hugs me or kiss me all the time .my parents love me in different way my dad thinks that money buys love and he gives me a lot of money my mom always or 24 hours day gives me advice. i think you should tell them that you love them you should go hug them or kiss them .
p.s. you are not ugly i can feel it.
2006-07-08 13:28:28 · answer #9 · answered by HiBa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
obviously your family are not very nice and they aint worth worrying about, you dnt need them and just need to get on with your life and forget about them it sounds as though they dnt care about u so y shud u care about them. just forget about them and make the most of your life. Go out more and make more friends that can show u the love and care u need and sooner or later u will forget about ur familyxxxx
2006-07-08 13:01:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋