my fiance is a great guy but he wont let me go 2 a club with gf's without him there cause i might get hit on and that. he gets very moody very quickly always wanting sexand idk if these are warning signs or what...
2006-07-08 05:38:55 · 45 answers · asked by alicia n 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
a little flag should go up....it'll only get worse when you get married. you here about his kind on the news....run girl, RUN!!!
2006-07-08 05:40:33 · answer #1 · answered by irishmomof3 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TALK to him and let him know how you feel about this kind of behaviour. As for him not allowing you to go to clubs with your g/f's because you might get hit on..you're a big girl. Is he afraid you'll respond to some guy hitting on you in a way that would make him feel insecure?? YES, his behaviour is controlling, no doubt about it. Why is he so moody?? That too could be a controlling trait. He might think that if he acts moody, he'll get what he wants. I'd say you need to do some serious thinking and talking. If his behaviour is any indication of how it might be in the future, you might have a rough road ahead of you..something you might want to avoid. If you let this go, things might get worse.
2006-07-08 05:59:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you go to a club when you are engaged? People only go to clubs for one thing, someone else. Now if you went with your fiance for a fun night out thats fine.
Sense your doubting him on his controlling behaviors your doubting the relationship and just want some freedom. All marriages are different but that doesn't work. You are unsure of the relationship and it sounds like you haven't had enough time to be out there and live a little.
Besides, if you are this unsure about a relationship over such a small thing you are'nt ready to cope with the thought of a marriage. His mood swings are part of who he is, are you able to put up with this for the rest of your life?
If your answer is no your not ready to be married.
2006-07-08 05:42:35 · answer #3 · answered by Poestalker 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Worry? No, just obey. that's what you vowel to do in a wedding, anyway. So why not practice now? He might be right, about the club thing. These are signs that he loves you, but is afraid he'll lose you. That he's anxious about sex. That he's to be the boss.
And he should be. If you were to go to the club, or where ever with your friends, and he ended up being right, he might lose you to another guy and never forgive you. Is that what you want? To never be forgiven for something? That's not being smart.
2006-07-08 05:44:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are already worried,sweetie.And with good reason.I think you need to think LONG and HARD about this.If he is trying to control you now..it will only get worse if you marry him.And the wanting sex ALL the time makes me think he is very insecure.You want to marry a MAN , not a BABY. You are facing a big decision..Dont make it in haste..and I also suggest talkin to your mom or someone else who knows this guy.Maybe even an ex of his.Please be careful.I know , from experience ,what controlling men are capable of.Good Luck and Take Care,hun.
2006-07-08 06:22:45 · answer #5 · answered by mrssmokestack003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You asked this question because you know the answer and you want us to give it to you. He is saying not that you would get hit on but that if you got hit on you couldn't be trusted not to go sleep with the guy. He does not trust you and wants to control you. The moodiness is part of that game because you do what he wants so he stops being moody. That can escalate into violence. I know someone in her late 20s who was engaged to a guy like that and she had bad dreams about their relationship. He would tell her she couldn't wear short skirts or knee high leather boots, that other guys would look, and he was moody. She broke up with him and he broke down her door and hit her-she called 911 on the cell phone, and he left. She said she was so glad she broke it off. Her subconscious was warning her.
I have a friend who divorced her husband because of that kind of behavior. It only got worse. He accused her of cheating on him although she was home all day with their child. She was afraid when he came home because he would always be moody and critical of her. Their child hated when he came home and started on her. When she divorced him, she found out he was the one running around. It was all about control. She kept trying to please him all the time and the only way he could be even partially pleased was if she molded herself and her behavior to suit him. This included being cut off from her friends and family. She met a very nice man and has been happily married for four years. She looks forward to him coming home from work.
By the way, all the people who tell you his behavior is a sign of love are very wrong. I am married 36 years and my husband has always trusted me and never had that kind of behavior. All the long term marriages I know are where they trust each other and give them freedom to go out with friends, etc.
2006-07-08 06:10:20 · answer #6 · answered by kadel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a way, your asking the question means you are already worried about these issues. Trust yourself - we tend to know more about situations than we give ourselves credit for knowing. The big thing for you to worry about is whether or not you will allow yourself to address this NOW. It is especially hard for people to confront situations like this because we know the likely outcome means 1) the problem is real and the resolution will likely change the relationship with the person we love and 2) facing the situation will most likely illuminate something about ourselves we'd prefer not to face.
If you continue with this relationship without dealing with this, it will indeed only get worse. Also, by not confronting this, your man will have every excuse to continue this controlling situation and not deal with his own problem, a problem with his insecurities that is causing him to displace his inability to control those insecurities on to you. Bottom line, by controlling your behavior, he doesn't have to control his own.
Every relationship has a purpose. Ask yourself, what are you getting out of it? What is he getting out of it? Is it really what each of you needs? When you get what you need, the relationship needs to end. If you can't get past this problem with your man, perhaps the purpose of the relationship is for you to find out how you really want to be treated by a man and for him to get the message that he has a problem and needs to deal with it.
Good luck - you're on the right track by simply asking the question.
2006-07-08 05:56:08 · answer #7 · answered by Grant S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame someone who supposedly loves you not liking for you to go to a club- things happen. But this sounds different. If he demands that you cannot, and he gets moody, always wanting sex, etc, then he is a control freak. I married one (well, we both had our own issues) but it does not get better. Men who are control freaks (jealous, etc) generally get worse with age. It is sad, but he will take away your independence- that is- your identity- who you are. He will scramble your brain until you don't know who you are. Obviously, you are emotionally tied to him if you are going to marry him- but do you really want to walk on eggshells for this man? It's better to get out before you make it more permanent. Don't let fear be your guide. Let good sense and self preservation be your guide. And read in the bible what love is. Don't ignore the warning signs. Good luck.
2006-07-08 06:05:40 · answer #8 · answered by catarina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should re-think the whole relationship! You think he's controlling now, but you're only dating! Imagine how much worse it can get if you two get married. A couple has to have their own time, and if he won't let you go out by yourself now....it's just going to get worse!
My supervisor went out with me and a couple of friends one night. Her husband told her that he wanted her to leave the club at midnight, and he didn't want her to dance at all! Well, at midnight he called her phone! And kept calling about every five minutes! Monday, at work she told me that he was waiting in his truck down the block with binoculars seeing if she was doing anything! That's just crazy! Not to mention embarrassing!
Just be careful, you're already suspecting the controlling behavior....that's not a good sign!
2006-07-08 05:46:47 · answer #9 · answered by Jen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should get out while you can I had a man do that to me once and he got so controlling that he would not let my son at the time age two he could not sit on my lap and when he was scared he was told he could not sleep with momma I was not allowed to give my son a kiss or a hug and that was enough for me
you should evaluate your situation and get control while you still can
I wish you the best of LUCK
2006-07-08 05:45:48 · answer #10 · answered by crystal a 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run. Run very fast. Abusive relationships begin with control. Who cares if you get hit on? You're a big girl and if you're with your friends, there's no problem. I mean, just because they want to doesn't mean they get to. Right? What he's really saying is he doesn't want you to find someone better than him, or who, by comparison, is a secure and mature individual who will show you love, trust, and respect. And him wanting to have sex again right away is akin to him marking territory peeing in the corners.
Don't confuse his possessive and controlling nature with love. It's anything but. It's ownership. You can do better.
2006-07-08 05:44:30 · answer #11 · answered by misslabeled 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋