About 5 months ago, me and my girlfriend split up due to her saying that she wasnt happy anymore and came completely out of the blue (no signs anywhere). In the last month we have started talking, going out and talking about rebuilding our relationship from scratch. But I recently found out that her friends were pushing her into a date (someone whom she had met before, when out with them previously) with one of their partners friends before we split and to finish with me. after we split, less than three weeks later, (i found out via a friend) he came down and stayed at hers for the weekend and slept with her, since then she broke contact with him and then thats where we started talking again.
The question is, do I confront her with the above and see how it goes, or do i try and forget about it and try to rebuild our relationship?
2006-07-08 05:23:39 · 21 answers · asked by FoxyMan 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Just an addition, she is very much led by her friends and even though I dont have any problems with them, i feel that they will try anything to make her single in order for her to be available for them when needed, even though they leave her when she needs them the most. The above is something that will always be at the back of my mind, not that i dont trust her, but that her friends (who have the same mentality of straying from partners etc) push her to do something...
2006-07-08 05:31:29 · update #1
i think that im going to sit this one through and basically see what happens, now that we've talked about rebuilding our relationship (with us both making efforts to right the wrongs), i feel that if she decides to "test drive" anyone else, whilst I am making the effort, i feel im going to call it a day.
thank you everybody :)
2006-07-08 05:47:00 · update #2
She's a grown woman. She should be able to make up her own mind without her friends swaying her either way. In my opinion, as a woman here too, I think it would be best if you still kept your options open. Because if she is going to do what her friends tell her to do and not what her heart is saying, then her heart obviously is more connected to her friends than her lovers. Another guess, if this came out of the blue, and her only reason was "she wasn't happy anymore", I would have to say more than likely, this guy was around already in her life and she didn't want to get caught or thought the "grass was greener" with him.
If you confront her, she's going to get defensive. Especially if she wasn't the one who told you to begin with. Now if she was mature enough to have told you herself that she let this guy into her home for the weekend and slept with him then I would say this relationship has a chance to work out. Because she would be feeling guilty about having slept with this man, even though she still had STRONG (the key word here is strong) feelings for you. But she obviously doesn't. It's almost like she was taking him for a test drive to see if there was something better out there, clearly there wasn't anything better than you, so now she wants back into the relationship. Is this how you want to be the rest of your life? Wondering if she is going to have more test drives as the normal problems of daily dating erupt in your lives?
It's possible you can still work it out I suppose. But just be sure to weigh the pros and cons of what you BOTH expect of each other. And I'd still keep my options open, until you are 100% sure she is done "side ordering off the menu".
Just be careful, and good luck with your dilemma. :)
2006-07-08 05:37:51 · answer #1 · answered by Fiona70 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your relationship sounds like a mature one so I assume your 20+. If you are not over 20, simply move on it's not a big deal.
If you were in a mature relationship like I assume it's pretty simple. Your girlfriend was emotionally unsatisfied and confided in her friends about your relationship instead of you. Because, she told her friends she was not happy they decided to take the burden of helping her out. Her friends are pushy people that dislike you and don't think you two work out. When she met up with this guy she discovered that it wasn't as secure as the last relationship. It didn't offer her anything more than you did.
Now that she has come back to you she will feel emotionally satisfied and insured. BUT you know in your mind that she had doubts. To get rid of any bad scenarios down the road you need to see someone else or the relationship will not work. You need to balance it out to make it even. Once you have done the deed, you two will be back together and building a even stronger relationship with no paranoia.
DO NOT date a friend of hers or yours -- make this someone you will never see again or it WILL NOT work. DO NOT allow her to talk with the guy she slept with.
2006-07-08 12:29:41 · answer #2 · answered by Poestalker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, so i take it you love this girl and your heart is telling you one thing and your head the other. Well here is my advise.... im not saying that she dosnt love you but she cant be in love with you because she slept with someone else and no one is easily led by their friends, if they really didnt want to do it. I think you will be better off if you call it a day and try and stay friends. That way you can still be in each others lives. Give your heart some time to heal and then try a new relationship with someone else. You never no, you might just fall in love agian but if not and you realize that she is the one then go and get your girl!! BUT i do think it would be best for both of you, if you broke up and tried seperate lives for an extra 6months. It will be hard but c'mon you no the saying 'you never no what you've got til its gone'. ('',) x
2006-07-08 14:26:37 · answer #3 · answered by sexy s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but you need to move on.
It's unusual for a girl to still be influenced by her mates when she is in a relationship. If she's that shallow, leave well alone.
You may have been split up when she slept with someone else but she only seems to have done it to kep her friends off her back.
There are always two sides to every story, but as you say yourself, you will always have that info in the back of your mind (& trust me, it WILL be brought up in every row, even if you do talk about it now).
2006-07-08 12:44:15 · answer #4 · answered by MISS B.ITCH 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well personally, I would't be able to trust her..Sounds to me is that she liked this guy and wanted to dump you, So she can get a quickie on wit this old friend...That way she's not cheating...Well if your asking this questions sounds to me that your unsure about the relationship...I would talk to her about it let her fill you in with the details and what you know then you'll be able to tell if she telling you the truth...If she isn't giving you the full details that you know of...Dump her...She's not worth the stress...A female just doesn't out of the blue not like you, she's either gave you signs or being really discret on barking up another tree, feel me...
2006-07-08 12:31:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you heard it thru a friend then it could be just idle gossip....but since you wasnt with her at the time what she did on her own is really her concern. IF you love her and want her then just forget it and move on rebuilding the relationship if not then move on
2006-07-08 12:28:28 · answer #6 · answered by Texas_at_its_best 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
forget about what happened. she missed something in you which isnt in the guy otherwise she would not have come back. give her something she wants, from your previous experience you must know what she loves most. but make sure you add on to it so that you dont fall into the old routine which probably drove her away in the first place.
2006-07-08 12:29:58 · answer #7 · answered by wills 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree. Although it hurts, you weren't together at the time. If the relationship is worth saving, you'll have to get over it, as unfair as it seems (and is). On the other hand, she does seem like a bit of a waste of time. She seems to be playing you a bit, and her friends seem like trouble too. I'd be careful with this one.
2006-07-08 12:32:35 · answer #8 · answered by loser 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you deserve somebody better. forget it and try to move on. i know its easier said than done, but really, im sure you will find someone who treats you the same way you treat them and a relationship which runs both ways and not just one way. good luck and be strong.
2006-07-08 12:27:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
id ask your self y your girlfriends hasnt told u about what has happend and do u really want to be with the lass that can keep it from u if the answer is yes then id let her know u know and if she wishes to talk about it then she can c were that gets u good luck
2006-07-08 12:37:20 · answer #10 · answered by shygirlfromengland1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋