is it me or my husband?

Question

My husband and I have been married for a year and 5 months. Before we got married we would have sex at least 2-3 times daily, but now it's hopefully once a month, if I'm lucky. He's not cheating, b/c when he's at work he's on the phone with me the whole time, he comes right home and plays his play station until 2 am. Should I SPICE up the bedroom or could it be something else.

we both are only 22years old

i don't call him he calls me, all day lond while at work

Answer 1

At 22 he is still a kid. You will have to be patient and slowly enable him to grow up into a man.

He is insecure. He is calling you because he is afraid YOU will cheat if he doesn't keep you occupied by talking with him. Try getting him to stop calling you and to focus on his work. He can talk with you when he gets home. Take a class or get a job so he knows where you are and knows he can't call. (Teach him to trust that you will not cheat on him. Tell him you'd never cheat on him and also tell him that if he ever cheated or abused you that you would leave him.)

The play station is an escape from reality. Very slowly limit the play station evenings from every night to just once or twice a week. Don't make it a rule, just start scheduling other things you can do together, like a movie night, going on walks, cooking together, taking an evening class or whatever interests the two of you. Make them routines so he knows what to expect each night.

Start playing the games with him so it is no longer an escape into a solo fantasy universe but becomes an activity that includes both of you.

On spicing up the bedroom: the bedroom should be free from distractions. No television. No game machine. It should be equally masculine and feminine so both are comfortable. Bedrooms are for only two things, sleeping and sex... and hopefully not in that order.

Some people prefer sex in the evening and others in the morning. Approach him at the time he prefers and see if you can make it a routine. On occassion, plant some seeds in his mind by whispering what you might do to him (or what he might do to you) 12 hours beforehand. "In the morning..."

Sex involves having confidence in yourself. Build up his confidence. Discuss his successes at work and how proud you are of him. You have confidence in yourself and can give him confidence by telling him how proud you are of him for specific traits or actions he does.

In the end, he has to want to change. All you can do is to give him the incentive and assist in the process.

Answer 2

He's addicted to gaming.

Me and my wife been married about the same time, im lucky once a month AND my wife is a nympho. Same situation your in we had awesome sex 2-3 times a day everyday no matter who was there or what time it was.

The gaming is definately a problem, he's more into it than into having sex. The only thing you can really do is let him know that he has to stop playing so much or your leaving. I garuntee if you make a deal with him for him to stop playing it'll be better :) Maybe on Sat/Sun he doesnt play (or another 2 days) your garunteed to get sex then.

Answer 3

It sounds to me like something is seriously wrong.

I once asked my husband about a friend's situation -- she and her husband were also having sex about once a month. He told me that if a man isn't having sex with his wife 3 or 4 times a week, then he's doing something else for sex.

Turns out, my husband -- now ex-husband -- was addicted to pornography. So are a lot of men these days. If your husband is at the computer a lot, "playing games" or whatever, I would assume he's using pornography until proved otherwise. My ex-husband used it at work and during lunch breaks at home.
Don't be naive. Don't blame yourself. This kind of thing is happening a lot these days. You say he's not cheating, but he is. He's up to something. I can't tell you what to do about it, other than to deal with reality, and don't take it personally. It's not about you. It's about him, and temptation, and life. Good luck.

Answer 4

Its not you or your husband, its the Play Station! I remember when they were advertising the play station for Christmas one year and seeing this bill board w/ the tag line that said

"Get him a Play Station, at least you'll know where he is."

I thought that was so funny and cute and oh how true b/c video games, for some people are addictive!

Here is an idea...next time he comes home from work, intercept him at the door wearing sexy lingerie and have a sexy video playing on the tv where he would normally play the Play Station. If that doesn't get his attention....

I don't know what will.

Answer 5

Make a game of it. If he likes Play Station so much and knows you will be available for sex when ever he feels like it then play the Play Station with him. Use it as foreplay to sex. If he wins you have to do something sexual for him, if you win he has to do something sexual for you.

He might feel that sex has gotten to be a choir and not as enjoyable. If he plays a game you don't enjoy and don't want to play give him a "reward" for winning a round or getting a best score.

If you try to keep him from doing something he enjoys you are going to run into other problems.

Answer 6

How much weight have you gained since marriage? Many women gain 10-40 lbs in first 2 years. LOSE IT! Get a PS game that you like and spend time playing it with him. There are MANY PS games that have more than 1 player. You will probably not match his skill level, but keep at it.

Also, find other common interests and pursue them with him. It isn't all about sex. If you think it is, you've lost already.

Answer 7

Your husband has probably got a compound problem: video gaming addiction; and lack of adequate physical exercise. If you want your hisbandto start felling sexier, you have got to get your husband encouraged enough to start doing either some beneficial cardiac endurance or strength building exercise to help him get his blood to start flowing again & make him feel the need for sex. If he prefers soda pop to water, get him plenty of that sweet carbonated water from H-E-B or wherever w/o all that other soda pop crapola in it. If you want to beat the playstation and its own player-sport reward system, you have got to meet or beat all of it reward points: a feeling of control, enterainment, newness and change, instant gratification at some new sucessful turn in the game. Try something new that is fun, enteraining and sexy. Be sexy, teaseful and playful. Tell him what you really want him to do for and to you and what you will do to him in turn. Be very responsive, encouraging and appreciative to him for all of his efforts, especially the end result. Gaming is just another addiction action that is an attempt to escape from the bland & boring realities of real life where people have little or no real control over the outcome, etc. as per above. It will take a lot of effort for you to help him overcome it.

Answer 8

maybe you shouldn't talk to eachother as much. I mean if there's one thing I've learned about guys it's that they need space every once in a while. He probably doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling that, but more than likely that's what it is. So don't talk to him as much while he's at work, and take time for yourself, like a girl's night out or something. Also try spicing things up too, who knows? It could work.

Answer 9

Now, I have the same problem, buts its my wifes sex drive that has went down to nothing. We used to have sex 3 times a day, then we got married and a few years later and now its about once every 2 weeks.

Answer 10

Seems fairly normal to me. Welcome to the world of "comfortable" relationships, where sex is not the main focus. You can still make attempts to spice things up. Buy some nice lingerie; cook a great meal with a bottle of wine, nice music and candles. Heck, I'm over 50 and it still works for me. *yes, you too will do this when you get old. :-) Good luck sweetie, the honeymoon may be over, but the love is just beginning.