Hello, My ex husband will soon get the kids every other weekend and I am dreading this! I never wanted to NOT raise my kids full time and want to be a big part of their life all the time. I know he is their father and has rights too and I am not trying to deny him that. I am just so sad about this. I know I should probally enjoy the time to myself to do things for me, but I really don't care much about that. I have a boyfriend and he would love it, but I won't, instead I will be miserable waiting for their safe return! Plus, they are little (under five) and all I am going to do is worry about their safety. He is NOT a responsible person and is so self centered when I was with him, he never watched the kids, I did, (also ex drug addict, cheater, etc. but the courts do not care. I am going to be dead before I am 40 due to all this stress over this. Plus, I work full time and feel like I will never see them..... How do others handle it?
2006-07-08 03:32:34 · 8 answers · asked by Bet L 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The couple of times he has had them for a couple of hours, he will not answer my phone calls, is there anything I can do? I already addressed my concerns to the court but they did not care....
2006-07-08 03:53:07 · update #1
Okay, thanks all. I am worried, because now that he does not do drugs, he drinks all the time, he is almost ready to lose his license due to his speeding and accidents, he is at 35 sdip points, he is a womanizer and has woman in and out of his bed all the time in front of kids, he has a gambling problem and he is so into socializing and partying, that he never watched the kids when I was with him, and my little one's could drown without him even knowing it. This is what scares me. He is too into himself. He does not care about car seats etc.....
2006-07-09 05:20:35 · update #2
You should re-open your case against him. Hire an evaluator. He'll look into the way you both interact with the kids and help to decide who they should be with.
I know how you feel. I was in the same situation with my first 2 boys. I never felt comfortable leaving them with their dad. I guess I knew they would end up at his mother's all weekend. Could this be where your kids are when he's not answering phone calls? If he was never there for them before, he's probably not now. Mine haven't seen their biological father in about 5 years now. They are thriving without him. My husband is "dad" to all my boys.
It'll get better. Hang in there. Most deadbeats just take the kids to spite you. Good luck. Best wishes to you and your babies.
2006-07-08 04:27:47 · answer #1 · answered by 4kidsmama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well sometimes relinquishing control is a very scary thing. If your X is truly as horrible of a person that you say he is , he won't be interested in visitation for very long. After he has to care for the children for a few days he might just decide to not take them on the week-end. In your eyes right now that would be the best possible thing. But really your children not maintaining a relationship with their father,can never be a good thing. Interfering(calling all the time) in your x husbands visitation might just back fire on you . In certain states interference is a infraction of the visitation order.
You also have to think about your boyfriend. Taking on a partner with a lot of x husband baggage , puts a big stain on a new relationship. Please try to chill out maybe talk to a counselor and if you care about your new partner ..enjoy your time together.
2006-07-08 12:15:14 · answer #2 · answered by Maryann 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yea, I don't think there's much you can do about it, but enjoy your every other weekend with your new boyfriend. It really isn't any different than if you and your husband were to go away for a weekend and leave the kids with grandparents or something. Not like your not raising them full time yourself already or anything. And as for not answering the phone to you when he does have them, well it's his time with them. He only gets ...what 4 days out of a month? I doubt seriously he's wanting to listen to your whining and griping during that time. So why should he answer the phone? ORR perhaps their out enjoying their day's together, and not sitting by the phone, waiting on you to call..???
2006-07-08 13:22:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel. It will take some time to get used to. My kids (one of which is under the age of 5) both go to their fathers every other weekend but during the summer are gone for two months. At first you'll probably cry, I did. But you will get used to it and it won't take too long either. You do need to focus on having some you time while they are gone, do something to get your mind off of it and the weekends they are gone will go rather quickly. You say he's irresponsible, and I understand that too, but with that it just takes patience. They will grow up and realize this on their own. Don't stress over this too much. It'll do you no good to stress over something you can't change
2006-07-08 10:43:54 · answer #4 · answered by purpleama456 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Callthem eveyday, several times a day if you must. That is what I do. My kids are older now, (teenagers), and their father and I don't even live in the same state, so now my 14 year old sees him once or twice a year, My 15 year old has nothing to do with him. When they were younger and we lived in the same town (and I still do it today), and they were/are with him, I talked to them on the phone several times a day.
2006-07-08 10:42:04 · answer #5 · answered by Fire Storm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It shows how much you care for your children. You just have to try to do has much with them when you have so you can think of the fun times when they are gone
2006-07-08 11:45:16 · answer #6 · answered by wbroyhobbs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell the court you don trust your ex husband
the kids are unsafe with him
2006-07-08 10:38:31 · answer #7 · answered by mamil gold 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why dont you tell him to talk to your kids every day when they are over there. you you know that they are safe.
2006-07-08 10:42:22 · answer #8 · answered by party_2_hearty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋